W
woknows
Experienced
- Dec 12, 2020
- 264
I am just wondering what is wrong with me. I have been abused by my family for years and still am. I have completely narcissistic parents and my father is pure evil.
The shit they pull on me can and does trigger outbursts and intense suicidal ideations and extremely poor mood. After years of abuse, I am wondering is a normal reaction or do I have a borderline personality disorder or something else. I do not remember having such strong outbursts before. Maybe I do not remember. Maybe it is just years of stress finally breaking me down completely. I feel broken. I felt better, even saw a future, when I was staying with my girlfriend. We did have arguments and problems, but I felt safer with her. Especially at night, when I could snuggle with her if something was bothering me. I am not sure if I still can feel this way at the moment. I feel like garbage, like refuse. I know I am not. I am attractive, smart, and educated. But, I cannot lose this feeling. I do know I am not good with people. Who could have taught me? My narcissistic parents? Probably too busy molding me into what they wanted. Am I evil to want them dead? Maybe death is too good for them.
Anyone has similar problems and feels the same? Maybe someone wants to talk.
The shit they pull on me can and does trigger outbursts and intense suicidal ideations and extremely poor mood. After years of abuse, I am wondering is a normal reaction or do I have a borderline personality disorder or something else. I do not remember having such strong outbursts before. Maybe I do not remember. Maybe it is just years of stress finally breaking me down completely. I feel broken. I felt better, even saw a future, when I was staying with my girlfriend. We did have arguments and problems, but I felt safer with her. Especially at night, when I could snuggle with her if something was bothering me. I am not sure if I still can feel this way at the moment. I feel like garbage, like refuse. I know I am not. I am attractive, smart, and educated. But, I cannot lose this feeling. I do know I am not good with people. Who could have taught me? My narcissistic parents? Probably too busy molding me into what they wanted. Am I evil to want them dead? Maybe death is too good for them.
Anyone has similar problems and feels the same? Maybe someone wants to talk.