I think I’ve made peace with dying

[bunny_brownie9]

I feel that I've made peace with death and dying.

After everything that has happened in my 22 years on earth, the least I deserve is eternal peace. My body and mind are so weak and I just need to rest.

I have people in my life who I love and adore more than anything in this world, and what is mostly keeping me here is the guilt of leaving. I've come to terms that my death will hurt them whenever it will happen, but I'd want them to understand why I did it and why I couldn't carry on. The guilt is killing me but I can't let it stop me.

I also live alone and have an elderly cat, and that guilt is making me feel awful & the worry of what will happen to her after I die. She would most likely not be adopted again because of her age (15), so I would hope that my loved ones would make arrangements but the thought breaks my heart as I love her so much. The sweetest cat.

I will never amount to anything in life. I'm 22 and haven't even got A levels. I've been in my job for 4 years, moved out when I was 19 away from my abusive parent, in therapy and I take meds, still feel awful. I do things I enjoy but I still don't want to live.

I just need to sleep. They won't be able to hurt me anymore. My childhood was filled with nothing but abuse, DV, assault, homelessness, poverty, abusive parents… you name it. I can't recover from that, I really can't.

I am a burden to everyone I love.

 

[dorado14]

You seem like a very kind person.

 

[parallelluniverse]

It's not your fault. x

You are 22. x

There is time, for you and your cat. To be where you are, working, doing well, and trying to do things you want while slowly forgetting things. x

I believe you have inadvertently mentioned some things that you want. x

To learn. Spend time with your cat. Get over people who aren't supportive. Try new things. x

 

[FuneralCry]

It sounds really horrible what you've been through, existence really is too cruel. But anyway I hope that you find freedom from your suffering.

 

[FitsTime]

At 22 you are still young, you can change your life. I'm 30+ and bad luck sucked me back in my horrible life that I tried to change with all my strenght.

 

[bunny_brownie9]

You seem like a very kind person.

thank you, I do try my best. This world has been too cruel for me. I should never have existed.

It's not your fault. x

You are 22. x

There is time, for you and your cat. To be where you are, working, doing well, and trying to do things you want while slowly forgetting things. x

I believe you have inadvertently mentioned some things that you want. x

To learn. Spend time with your cat. Get over people who aren't supportive. Try new things. x

thank you, but I believe that my time is coming to an end. I feel awful for who I will leave behind but they will learn to understand in time.

They love my cat and will do something good with her.

It sounds really horrible what you've been through, existence really is too cruel. But anyway I hope that you find freedom from your suffering.

thank you

At 22 you are still young, you can change your life. I'm 30+ and bad luck sucked me back in my horrible life that I tried to change with all my strenght.

I'm beyond this point now but thank you. I have no fight left in me. I have tried so many things but there is no saving

 

[FitsTime]

I'm beyond this point now but thank you. I have no fight left in me. I have tried so many things but there is no saving

Life is yours and you'll decide. But at 22 you can really make a lot of things. You cannot imagine how many efforts i made to change this shit and now I'm at the starting point, older, without will and surrounded by sharks and assho*** But this will end soon.

 

[waterhorse]

I'm beyond this point now but thank you. I have no fight left in me. I have tried so many things but there is no saving

I completely understand. I'm only 19 but I feel like its all over for me already, and I've been through so much I don't know if I'll ever be the same. I hope we both find peace, in this life or the next <3