Meeting with my best friend for the last time

[historiaegiptu]

In few days i will be hanging out with my friend of 11 years for what i think will be the last time.
Our friendship was always kinda unstable, when we were kids there were times where we didn't talk to each other for months. We were both losers who didn't have anyone else to talk to, or at least i was. She met some people recently and its like i didn't exist in the first place. She only texts me when shes drunk or when she needs help. She tells me she loves me but ignores my messages for hours while posting instagram stories lol. I know she cares about me and if she really didn't like me we would stop talking months ago but its hard when i have noone besides her.
What should i talk about? I dont want to burden her with my ctb plan. Her worring about me wont help with anything, but i still feel like i should say something, is trying to explain myself worth it? If you were in my place, what would you say? What do you think she would want me to say?

 

[unluckysadness]

I wouldn't say anything about my plans but it's only my opinion. A guy (virtual "friend") talked to me about his plans once and after that, I took a valium pill because I was very stressed. He didn't ctb finally but I was angry about him. I told him : "next time (you ctb), please don't warn me, I worried like a dumb". I lost contact with him for other reasons but he shouldn't have told me "I'll maybe do it tonight".

I'd like to talk about my plans to my family, to my therapist, but it's not a good idea. They will just put me in psych ward and it will be hell (more than ever).

Just listen to your heart (easy to say, I know...)

Good luck I hope you'll find the peace you deserve.