deadpornstarr!
fated to pretend
- May 20, 2026
- 9
ive been having a lot of thoughts like this recently ...
ive always kind of been unable to form deeper relationships past just being light friends with people. im not talking about romantic stuff specifically , i know that aromanticism is a thing ... but even like , closer friendships are kind of out of reach . vulnerability is out of reach . its hard to be soft around people (i think i know why...)
and for a long time ive had yearny thoughts , wishing i could be soft like that . and get closer to other folks who i like . be a sensitive little mama's girl critter ... i dunno ... i always thought it seemed really nice , when others could be like that atleast .
but now my attitude about it is shifting , i dunno what really caused it , but . im just starting to understand . that really i just didnt feel normal :( if it just "seemed nice" to me , it would be a happy thought . but it was an agonizing thought , because there was always the undertone that something about me just wasnt right at all . that my heart doesnt work right or something .
i think maybe ittl be better to accept it . and learn to own it as part of me, and self-affirm that im ... well i am broken ... but ... not in a way i should feel bad for x>
i think maybe i should just live as a little nomad girl . wander around and never get too close to anybody . maybe that would work better.
do any of you have any similar feelings ... what do you think about it ....
i always just felt so evil when people would try to bond more with me . theyd talk to me and theres just so little behind my eyes , im all hollow inside u _ u bleh ,
ive always kind of been unable to form deeper relationships past just being light friends with people. im not talking about romantic stuff specifically , i know that aromanticism is a thing ... but even like , closer friendships are kind of out of reach . vulnerability is out of reach . its hard to be soft around people (i think i know why...)
and for a long time ive had yearny thoughts , wishing i could be soft like that . and get closer to other folks who i like . be a sensitive little mama's girl critter ... i dunno ... i always thought it seemed really nice , when others could be like that atleast .
but now my attitude about it is shifting , i dunno what really caused it , but . im just starting to understand . that really i just didnt feel normal :( if it just "seemed nice" to me , it would be a happy thought . but it was an agonizing thought , because there was always the undertone that something about me just wasnt right at all . that my heart doesnt work right or something .
i think maybe ittl be better to accept it . and learn to own it as part of me, and self-affirm that im ... well i am broken ... but ... not in a way i should feel bad for x>
i think maybe i should just live as a little nomad girl . wander around and never get too close to anybody . maybe that would work better.
do any of you have any similar feelings ... what do you think about it ....
i always just felt so evil when people would try to bond more with me . theyd talk to me and theres just so little behind my eyes , im all hollow inside u _ u bleh ,
