Making new friendships | Guilt & shame?

[sincerely dead]

When I meet new people, the feeling of being a burden amplifies. I just met a new friend at a coffee shop tonight, and she doesn't know the first thing about my story.

If she knew, it'd be burdening yet another person. And of course I can just have fun with her and not share my story, but it would feel like I wasn't being authentic.

I don't want to spend my life alone. I love making friends. But the guilt is killing me. And maybe if she knew what I'm going through, such as suicidal thoughts, she may not want to invest in this friendship.

Am I a bad person for wanting relationships despite wanting to die? It's so complicated and I don't want to hurt anyone.

 

[MatrixPrisoner]

There's really only 2 choices if you think about it. You either have to try your hardest to mask it until way in the future when the time is even remotely appropriate to disclose any of this, or defer the progression of any kind of friendship until you work on yourself and become a little more stabilized. There will be rare instances where you meet someone that would be okay with hearing any of this right off the bat, but you'd know if that was the case with this friend. Otherwise, most people would tend to avoid this kind of baggage so early in a friendship.

 

[doneforlife]

When I meet new people, the feeling of being a burden amplifies. I just met a new friend at a coffee shop tonight, and she doesn't know the first thing about my story.

If she knew, it'd be burdening yet another person. And of course I can just have fun with her and not share my story, but it would feel like I wasn't being authentic.

I don't want to spend my life alone. I love making friends. But the guilt is killing me. And maybe if she knew what I'm going through, such as suicidal thoughts, she may not want to invest in this friendship.

Am I a bad person for wanting relationships despite wanting to die? It's so complicated and I don't want to hurt anyone.

You have a kind heart , I must say! People while making friendship, don't think about the other party. If it is beneficial for them, they form the bond and the moment it is not beneficial, they vanish into thin air.