Discussion Maintaining relationships when you're afraid of them?

[like-spoiledmilk]

Hello!

This is a bad admission. I have an awful time making friends/connections and keeping them. People around me often express interest and invite me out, very frequently, but I never go.

I'm dreadfully afraid of relationships just as much as I desire them. The more I like a person, the more afraid I am. I know about attachment theory and the whole 'fearful-avoidant' thing, and I am aware of how hurtful this can be for other people. It's 90% of the reason I've intentionally kept everyone at a distance for four years now.

It also makes me feel less like a human. Connections to others - family, friends, partners - is what makes us, isn't it? At this rate, I know I'll die alone. I know I'll regret being a coward. However, trying *again* and hurting someone *again* when I disappear is worse.

Anyway, has anyone changed from being this way? Has anyone become better? I guess I just need the hope that this doesn't have to be forever.

 

[nocatwaslost]

I think this is something one can definitely change. I would suggest opening up to a person you trust and feel safe with and tell the person about your worries and anxiety. It helps to start with one person and then later extend to a wider circle, although it can take some time. But if you see that a relationship/friendship doesn't have to be as bad as you make it out to be in your head, you will see that it can be something very endearing and cheery

 

[badatparties]

I've long given up on that, so can't give advice there. Maybe in the next life or something.