I am new here, the final push was given to me to come here when I was drunk yesterday, I have pretty much given up on life as it is literally just emptiness and digital addictions, and while that doesnt sound so bad, its been like this for over a decade, and I am only 20 years old. It's now caught up to me, and I have hit a wall so hard that it's not worth it to really get up anymore. But right now I am way too whimsical to even hurt myself, let alone Catch the Bus, one reason is my Religion, I am a practicing Catholic and I cant let go of that and the other is the people around me and a super strong SI, so since I dont want to discard my religion right now, I want to know what I can do to lower and desensitize my SI, because it obviously needs to be low in order to CTB.
Thanks lads :)
I don't mean to invalidate your suffering - as I'm sure you are truly in hell - but I just can't see a scenario where you would know that your life is not worth living at 20 years old. You really just can't know how things are going to turn out yet. A lot of the things that would ultimately make life living are things a 20 year old might not have yet just because of where they are in their lives. This is especially true for people living right now, as a lot of the usual life phases (getting a job, getting a house, getting married, etc.) don't take place on a normal time frame like they used to. As hard as things are, I don't think we can trust your brain's cognitions at this moment that are telling you to CTB. We may have to say to your brain "thank you for the suggestion, but I'm not so sure about that." Let the thought pass without assuming you have to believe it, in the same way you wouldn't put absolute faith in what some random person tells you on the subway. But I'm not a psychologist, and this really requires professional help.
I think a lot of people your age are struggling with digital addictions, and don't know what to do with the nihilism and isolation that that produces. You need a combination of willpower, on the one hand, but also activities to keep busy, on the other, to stay away from those things. Additionally: giving up digital addictions isn't something that would happen over night. It would involve much trial and error. It's a society-wide problem and you are by no means alone. Even I have found myself doom scrolling and I am much older than you.
I just can't help but think it is worth soldiering on and trying to build a life, even if you cannot do a lot of the things you need to do right now because you cannot get out of bed. See where things are in ten years. Maybe aversion to CTB, a SI, and religious hang-ups are there for a reason in this case. I really think you should hang in there. And I further think that almost anyone with a bit of life experience would agree with me on this point.
In the interim: take baby steps and try and win small battles. It sounds like you are really weighed down and in a rough spot, so that's all we should expect at this juncture. If, for example, you manage to get to one social event in the next few weeks, or spend a half hour taking a walk or a run outside rather than playing on your phone, that's a win. If you do more than that, that's a bonus.
Best of luck to you.
