Loving, warm family... I’m the toxic one

[rskyvague]

Does anyone here have a good/loving family? I don't have kids or an SO but I have siblings and supportive / close parents, stepparents and grandparents...My Shame around being so unable to function for so many years makes me feel like they'd All be better off without me. But they have all given me a LOT of support, and are genuinely good people. I know a lot of people don't have that, so I just feel more guilty about wanting to CTB

 

[not-2-b-the-answer]

I feel like I'm the toxic one in my fam as well. I just hate life and it comes out. I haven't told them I want to die but I have come close. They are good people as well and religious. They won't understand how I could CTB.

 

[these_days9]

Right there with you. I've been given everything I could want. And I'm just toxic and ungrateful in return.

I'm so sorry you are feeling shame and guilt, those can be really awful feelings to live with.

 

[MZALA]

I have the most loving and caring family, I am surrounded by nothing but love, I've made some pretty bad decisions which ended up hurting the very same people who care about me hence I find myself here today

 

[toseeyousmile]

I can relate to that unfortunately, but whatever your circumstances are the anguish you feel is genuine so you shouldn't feel unjustified to feel that way

 

[IAmLi]

I'm definitely the problem one here, although my family does have some really doozies too. Overall they're supportive though.

 

[Nymph]

I'm definitely one of the toxic ones as well. My mom is nice but my dad has a explosive personality and he gets angry easily. It has gotten better because his job is better but they could crumble too. He only showed his angry self after my mom had me. And now I'm here angry that they had me at all and my mental health is making me a ugly monster. I read we are not supposed to blame our actions on mental health so I guess it's just me then, I'm a monster and I'm toxic. I wish I wasn't but I can't control it. All the negativity from inside myself and from the world is piling up in my and making me rage.

 

[ut0pia1992]

This reminds me of my own family with the petty household life routines i never took much care in. I had a girl i liked when i was a kid yet i never could trust them to even mention. With all the sparks you know i never did anything. How time passed i would go on to be split in two for the past 16 years. Many would say its an obsession yet i never mentioned and i would just keep her in my mind and songs to live inside while on the outside i'd be literally having peter pan years of no intent on living. As time passed now i see myself i can't care for a holiday, movies or entertainment's distractions, discussions or academic pursuits, negotiation, diplomacy or trade. I know how the world works fundamentally. Yet i can't care for me to bother taste, look or understand. I know most people have their priorities in life. Judge me toxic for being ungrateful, yet each of us decides what they do with their own lives. Can only say that now all i want is a peaceful CTB. I've been researching it for nearly 10 years yet as i always lived split in two and i couldn't get my release. My mind never wanted to think about me and now i find myself i truthfully want to make this certain. Can only hope this forum is supportive in what i always wanted, an informative and supportive decision.

 

[Life_and_Death]

Yeah.. My husband and friend do everything they can for me. Meanwhile I'm always telling my friend to leave, they're better off for a million reasons. And I feel like I horribly neglect my husband but I don't mean to.