can't even go outside without feeling the urge to die

[vanillacakeyyy]

my mental state has worsened to the point i am unable to go outside even if it's just a quick trip to the gym near my place. i cannot stand seeing people smile, laugh or talk to each other while i have to go back home to myself so i can cry all night. i just feel like a gigantic hideous freak that shouldn't even be allowed to step outside of their home. you get to genuinely enjoy your life with your best friend or loved one?? your family? it's like i was born to just be an npc or ghost watching from the sidelines

 

[unluckysadness]

I can relate. My mental and physical health are catastrophic. I wish you peace

 

[Oxymorphone]

For me it was like that in the beginning of my depression, but now I don't really care about people anymore and just want to die...

 

[vanillacakeyyy]

I can relate. My mental and physical health are catastrophic. I wish you peace

thank you friend i hope you and anyone else reading this can find peace as well

 

[matsuzaka]

i feel similar~ :(( i took a walk to a nearby lake and there were so many people I just couldn't stand at looking at all of their faces~ i felt so out of place and it felt as if everyone's eyes were staring daggers upon my being~ > <

i relate a lot to feeling like an NPC on the sidelines, everyone just seems to experience life so much more differently than mines~ @~@ i hope you can find happiness despite this one day, and if not i hope you can at least find peace and comfort in some way

also i like your pfp! its very cute~

 

[CareLessMeaningLess]

Every time I walk past someone I feel that aching pain in my chest from seeing them smile and laugh. Sometimes they don't even need to look happy for me to feel that pain. It just reminds me of how lonely and worthless I am.

 

[NonEssential]

I can relate to it but I feel I'm too numb to it now so I feel like I'm used to being a spectator or "lone wolf"

 

[Ludath]

Other people don't feel real to me. I'm too detached and dissociated from this world and from everyone else. Even then, i break so badly when i see other people able to just exist like it's normal. I'll never have that. No matter how much i want it, how much i try, I'm alone, and miserable. How is it that people can be happy? How is it they can just exist? And why can't i have it? I hate it ><

 

[Playingwiththedead]

My CPTSD doesnt allow me to do much of anything, but especially go outside without being in constant pain. Its ridiculous, i had a dream about it earlier and it made me realize how absurd it is that i actually feel pain just from being in the physical world

 

[Penelope12]

I understand. I wasn't like this before. I use to go out, have fun, and talk to lots of people. Now I've been depressed for Two years and deeply worried about my future. Going out and seeing Happy People makes me feel terrible

 

[darksoul999]

I just took a trip too the mountains and even though i was surrounded by beauty, i still wanted to die.

Depression is like a whisper that is always in your ear even when having the most beautiful experiences.

I could not even enjoy it because all i thought about was my end that is about to come.

death is the only way to true peace the way i see it.

 

[PeaceSeeker83]

The traffic nowadays is horrendous and makes me just want to die at the wheel.

 

[19-21-8-5-14-25]

Do you also analyse each thing in your vicinity and calculate/imagine how you could utilise it to CTB? Like an algorithm just scanning and scanning. So many beautiful tall buildings, or that attractive truck driving past you, maybe even a sketchy guy across the streets. So many ways. You almost get overloaded.

 

[isolute_2488]

It is agonizing whenever I see people around me, even complete strangers suffering.. while I rationally understand that I cannot help, a terrible wave of pain washes over me at the sight. In times like these, such maladaptive empathy is a curse....

 

[vanillacakeyyy]

Do you also analyse each thing in your vicinity and calculate/imagine how you could utilise it to CTB? Like an algorithm just scanning and scanning. So many beautiful tall buildings, or that attractive truck driving past you, maybe even a sketchy guy across the streets. So many ways. You almost get overloaded.

oh yes you are not alone in this! i just question if something would be fatal enough to jump from whenever i'm staring out the window or how isolated the woods are for CTB