This reminds me of my own family with the petty household life routines i never took much care in. I had a girl i liked when i was a kid yet i never could trust them to even mention. With all the sparks you know i never did anything. How time passed i would go on to be split in two for the past 16 years. Many would say its an obsession yet i never mentioned and i would just keep her in my mind and songs to live inside while on the outside i'd be literally having peter pan years of no intent on living. As time passed now i see myself i can't care for a holiday, movies or entertainment's distractions, discussions or academic pursuits, negotiation, diplomacy or trade. I know how the world works fundamentally. Yet i can't care for me to bother taste, look or understand. I know most people have their priorities in life. Judge me toxic for being ungrateful, yet each of us decides what they do with their own lives. Can only say that now all i want is a peaceful CTB. I've been researching it for nearly 10 years yet as i always lived split in two and i couldn't get my release. My mind never wanted to think about me and now i find myself i truthfully want to make this certain. Can only hope this forum is supportive in what i always wanted, an informative and supportive decision.