Lost and afaid

[TheLastSacrifice]

To go out like that takes serious courage. Anyone who says it's a coward act literally has no concept of reality on this.
I have never been so afraid in my life. Not even in Iraq where a stray mortar round or IED is possible to kill you. I wasn't scared then because it wasn't my choice.

 

[Suicide_vampire]

You're a vet, well thank you for your service. Must be tough PTSD and stuff, I used to be a prisoner officer about 20 years ago, I know it's not the same but I was left with PTSD from that

 

[TheLastSacrifice]

Im not that much of a vet. I served. Let the laurels go to those that put in real time. That said you're welcome and I would do it again for longer and do better if I could

 

[Suicide_vampire]

You served stop putting yourself down, there's many that would never. Take a compliment

 

[TheLastSacrifice]

You're a vet, well thank you for your service. Must be tough PTSD and stuff, I used to be a prisoner officer about 20 years ago, I know it's not the same but I was left with PTSD from that

I have more ptsd from this "divorce" than anything in Iraqi freedom. Hell they could timewarp me right into Omaha beach Normandy and I wouldn't be afraid. Im afraid of living. Well...that and dying a horrific miserable painful death....

 

[Suicide_vampire]

Well let's just keep talking, what are your interests

 

[TheLastSacrifice]

Medieval and ancient history. History of warfare. Historically inaccurate bit awesome TV shows such as vikings and the Witcher. Picking apart inaccurate swordplay. Mainly dumb pointless stuff. I workout to keep from going nuts

 

[Suicide_vampire]

I love history too, I think it's really important to understand our past, to know where we are going

 

[TheLastSacrifice]

Or just where we came from. Medieval people are seen as stupid, crude and backwards. It's not a fair portrayal and inaccurate.

Or just where we came from. Medieval people are seen as stupid, crude and backwards. It's not a fair portrayal and inaccurate.

We aren't different from them. We are the same

 

[Suicide_vampire]

Exactly they were dealing with what they had, they survived and eventually brought around us. I think they had it so much harder but also easier

 

[Deleted member 1465]

You don't deserve to be in this situation at all, you are doing so well to hang on, please keep going.
From what you've said you need to be away from this woman but I can see it's complicated and you can't help still feeling love but she really does appear to be abusing you.

I was an archaeologist BTW, I loved the Vikings too and always picked out the inaccurate bits though I thought it was mostly very well done.

 

[Suicide_vampire]

Wow I always wanted to a stetson wearing archaeologist chased by large boulders

 

[TheLastSacrifice]

You don't deserve to be in this situation at all, you are doing so well to hang on, please keep going.
From what you've said you need to be away from this woman but I can see it's complicated and you can't help still feeling love but she really does appear to be abusing you.

I was an archaeologist BTW, I loved the Vikings too and always picked out the inaccurate bits though I thought it was mostly very well done.

When it comes to the show vikings they can get away with alot of inaccuracies with me. Because it's just good characters. Good show. I do so wish Hollywood would get out of this fake leather biker jacket armour and bring out the mail and the nasal helms but my cries are falling on deaf ears. Lol.
Hey dont forget that the original Indie did carry a gun. Hardly used it but he had one

Wow I always wanted to a stetson wearing archaeologist chased by large boulders

I

 

[Suicide_vampire]

Lol... Living in the UK I always wished that my ancestors were pillaged by vikings and I was of viking blood. Always remember that really old movie think it might have been kirk Douglas called Vikings

 

[TheLastSacrifice]

The real ones were sooo.much cooler than the movies. They loved color. Bright color. They could be quite mean though.

 

[Suicide_vampire]

Oh yeah like my Scottish ancestors... The picts they were pretty mean and vicious kept the English and the Romans out of scotland

 

[TheLastSacrifice]

Yeah. They did a really fantasyish movie with the picts. Centurion. Just watched a documentary on the actual Picts.

 

[Suicide_vampire]

Yeah they were pretty hardcore

 

[UpandDownPrincess]

Just adding another voice here.

Never, ever listen to anyone who tells you to end your life. It is a terrible thing to say to anyone, let alone someone you once loved.

I am so sorry that she is putting you through this ordeal. I am the second wife of a man who was married to a bitch. We are still paying her more than 24,000 dollars each year in child support even though the youngest child is 22 and has a full-time job. She has manipulated the courts to believe her lies and stories. It is infuriating. She detests me, of course, but I met my husband after they were separated and have done nothing to her or the kids.

It happens so often. You are not alone. And you are no longer alone because you are here.

We will listen and support you, no matter what your future holds.

Please don't make any rash moves. They often result in injuries, hospitalizations and a great deal of sadness.

We're listening.

 

[Deleted member 1465]

Well I had some adventures but never a rolling boulder.

My pet peeve was always seeing stirrups on horses on films before they were invented.

Haha yeah the Picts kept the Romans at bay. Britain has been conquered soooo many times. Hardly surprising our cultural identity is so messed up.

 

[TheLastSacrifice]

Just adding another voice here.

Never, ever listen to anyone who tells you to end your life. It is a terrible thing to say to anyone, let alone someone you once loved.

I am so sorry that she is putting you through this ordeal. I am the second wife of a man who was married to a bitch. We are still paying her more than 24,000 dollars each year in child support even though the youngest child is 22 and has a full-time job. She has manipulated the courts to believe her lies and stories. It is infuriating. She detests me, of course, but I met my husband after they were separated and have done nothing to her or the kids.

It happens so often. You are not alone. And you are no longer alone because you are here.

We will listen and support you, no matter what your future holds.

Please don't make any rash moves. They often result in injuries, hospitalizations and a great deal of sadness.

We're listening.

I still love her. I haven't provided her the future I promised. I feel like I have failed. That said I'm listening...

 

[Suicide_vampire]

From what you have said she failed you, a relationship is a partnership 50/50, remember that it's not all on you stop thinking that way

 

[Deleted member 1465]

I still love her. I haven't provided her the future I promised. I feel like I have failed. That said I'm listening...

Yeah from what you've said you've certainly not failed her. Anyone else would have walked away. Looks more like she's failed you. Your fault here is that you've stuck by her. But hey, that's love, it's blind.

 

[TheLastSacrifice]

Even the homeless shelter won't take me. I don't have anywhere to turn to. I think I have to ctb

 

[Suicide_vampire]

No you don't your reacting to a situation, you can't do that

 

[TheLastSacrifice]

I only weigh my other options. There are none. Only the forest. I want to go home.
I don't think I am going to make it. I am thankful to have this forum and you people on here to talk to and read the thoughts of.

 

[Deleted member 1465]

I lost my home too and I'm alone in a shitty place. It hurts. I know what it feels like to want to go home, I'm really sorry you feel so bad. It takes courage to fight on and I think you have that courage somewhere, you are just exhausted.

 

[TheLastSacrifice]

I can't live outside. Like a dog.

 

[Deleted member 1465]

Aren't you living at your dad's place?

 

[TheLastSacrifice]

Aren't you living at your dad's place?

Yes. But in order to attempt any exit strategy from this place I have to go homeless.

Yes. But in order to attempt any exit strategy from this place I have to go homeless.

I have no means to get to work and am just stuck here rotting.