camusfan_ig
Member
- Nov 11, 2025
- 53
I had a recent revelation
Ever since I was young, I've had an interest in more 'dangerous things'. I remember watching videos of ppl trespassing and climbing on cranes that rose above the sky, one slip and they'd fall to their death. I remember seeing those and thinking to myself that I'd wanna do that. It seemed freeing. When I was younger, I wanted to join the military (still do). I didn't rlly have a specific reason why, which will be a common theme throughout this, I just wanted to. But now I think I understand why
I was looking for a way out
The environment I'm in rlly RLLY frowns upon suicide. So I think instinctively, I took interest into stuff like that. Even if I was young at the time and didn't understand why, all I understood was I wanted to be gone, and joining the military with the chance of being deployed and killed, or jumping across buildings 500ft high, or getting involved in bad situations in general, seemed like an express ticket to peace. I could get away with killing myself without rlly killing myself, yk what I mean?
Anyone else feel like this? Like you can't ctb, so you do the second best thing and try/wish to put yourself in situations that'll get you hurt or killed?
Ever since I was young, I've had an interest in more 'dangerous things'. I remember watching videos of ppl trespassing and climbing on cranes that rose above the sky, one slip and they'd fall to their death. I remember seeing those and thinking to myself that I'd wanna do that. It seemed freeing. When I was younger, I wanted to join the military (still do). I didn't rlly have a specific reason why, which will be a common theme throughout this, I just wanted to. But now I think I understand why
I was looking for a way out
The environment I'm in rlly RLLY frowns upon suicide. So I think instinctively, I took interest into stuff like that. Even if I was young at the time and didn't understand why, all I understood was I wanted to be gone, and joining the military with the chance of being deployed and killed, or jumping across buildings 500ft high, or getting involved in bad situations in general, seemed like an express ticket to peace. I could get away with killing myself without rlly killing myself, yk what I mean?
Anyone else feel like this? Like you can't ctb, so you do the second best thing and try/wish to put yourself in situations that'll get you hurt or killed?
