Venting Lonely Trying

[Deviisdreaming-]

I don't know if anyone understands this feeling, but I'm lonely trying to be a better person. Most of the closest people to me are suicidal, reckless, or drug addicts.
I've finally quit my smoking habit and switched over to vaping, people say it's not better. I feel better vaping though and I'm getting out of breath less frequently.
Despite making that change my mom smokes still, she often offers me cigs when I'm around here which boggles my progress a lot. I know all of that is up to me, but you'd expect support from the people you love. Another thing I've been working on is my weight, which feels almost impossible when everyone around you force feeds (my roommate/partner) at the end of the day though...I can't blame anyone. This feeling is so lonely on top of everything else going on in my life. Getting better seems like a waste of time and barely worth it or important. How do people even keep their head up and NOT want to die in this world at this point?

 

[MatrixPrisoner]

I switched to vaping for the last 3 months. I thought it was the perfect, no-brainer alternative to smoking. The best part was not smelling like cigs. But I recently found it out vaping may be linked to increased depression, which I think makes sense as to why I've been feeeling different:

Study finds 'strong link' between vaping and depression

According to a recent study, people who use e-cigarettes are more likely to report depression. The association was strongest in younger people.

www.medicalnewstoday.com

and a condition known as popcorn lung:

Generic Error Page | American Lung Association

www.lung.org

So I stopped cold-turkey last week. And can already see a noticeable difference in my mood. Still suicidal, but not as bad as a couple months ago.