Loneliness Megathread

[Marzia]

After COVID-19 quarantines and being ostrachized once again from a group of "friends" I don't feel like I can or want to socialize anymore. I never could have a proper friendship for a lot of reasons, but basically most people who showed interest in my friendship were only looking for something from me but didn't really care after they could get what they wanted. Now that I passed through months of not seeing anyone I don't feel like I can connect with people anymore, no matter what. People from school or work sometimes have to talk to me, but I don't even know how I should act or respond.

 

[HighFlight]

I'm surrounded by family and coworkers, but don't feel any real connection to anyone. In a world full of people, I feel so isolated and alone.

 

[trashprincess]

I'm so lonely...

I have people in my life. I have friends. I have people that care for me. But no matter what, I always feel alone. I appreciate the people I have in my life.. but most of them I don't think I could connect with, and with the rest I don't know if I could allow myself a connection. I can't stand the thought of someone getting close to me. It just feels wrong in so many ways, and I just know I would mess things up. Unless...

I kind of crave toxic relationships. It feels like that's what I deserve. I don't have to worry about messing it up. I don't have to worry if I deserve it. I don't have to feel like I'm doing something wrong. I don't have to worry about being perfect. It's the good relationships, the ones worth holding onto, that absolutely terrify me.

At this point I can't handle how alone I am. I just need it to stop, just for a moment, even if just for pretend... But it won't. So every day I'll just give up a piece of me instead, until there's nothing left.

I'm so lonely...

 

[autistascetic]

i haven't spoken to anyone besides my dad for 6 years after dropping out of college due to severe panic attacks and depression. 3 years later i was taken to the mental health hospital for examinations but received zero follow up. no diagnosis. no medication. nothing. i find it somewhat hilarious remembering the questioning about my sexuality and "gender identity" that they appeared more concerned about. would things have turned out any different if i pretended to be gay or said i actually felt like a woman? amusing. no one cares for disposable men and boys. i have no friends or family. i have to rely fully on my father who is old, severely mentally and physically ill with abusive episodes where he ODs on medication nearly killing himself while i have to try and look after him only hearing screaming about how much he hates me. sitting here cold and starving with no electricity just waiting for a moment of lucidity where he can top up, only for the cycle to repeat.

once more he comes back from hospital after an episode, just dumped at the door still in a hospital gown with no one providing any after care despite the entire suicidal hospital. they can all die painfully and the world would be a better place for it. fake people that profiteer and masturbate their egos for being "healthcare" workers while providing even less than the bare minimum of care. the people of this world are utterly contemptible and deserve worse than death.

there is zero escape or path i can take to improve anything. i do not know how to communicate with anyone. i spend every day clawing my face bloody and putting my head through walls like a lunatic. i was always told that life would be good because i was academically talented and was conventionally attractive and fit; total disgusting vanity, but what else is there going for me. well not much anymore after all the cuts and swelling.

but it doesn't matter when you are too autistic to function without a permanent babysitter which is completely unattainable. normal people can sense mental illness and they will forever avoid you like the plague. you aren't deserving of care because you are too pathetic and weak to even take care of yourself, and people only ever want to take from others and when they can't do that your value ends.

my only friend who was similar with aspergers managed to complete college, go to university, study in japan and even meet friends and girls. but all i can do is sit here, sober, waiting for death. once my dogs die i will throw myself on the train tracks, since so-called civilised people wish only the most barbaric ends for those that suffer.

meanwhile my mother who i haven't seen for 8 years lives happily ever after. kicks me out to live with a mentally ill psycho (also because of her) because a narcissistic woman can just shit out another child with some other sucker she seduces and get guaranteed money for 18 years. naturally those manwhores are also despicable wastes of flesh that get off on bullying children, but at least they also get disposed of just the same as soon as they serve their purpose. i'm going to stop because trying to put these incoherent thoughts together just leads me into darker thoughts where i consider ending more than just myself.

 

[Aloneisbestforme]

Lately I can feel the loneliness kicking in it and it's starting to do harm to me.

I never had any real life friends because my parents locked me away in their house rarely taking me out to do anything.

and they would blame me for not going out because I didn't ask enough even though I did ask and they would say yes but do nothing and when I ask more than once I can tell they get easily annoyed by that.

So I didn't know what to do so I turn to the internet because it's the only thing I had and still the only thing I have till this day.
Since the internet was the only thing I had it would be the only place I could make friends at so that I did.

at that start I didn't really care about making close friends because I was very stupid back and would often troll alot because I thought it was funny even though it was unfunny as hell and my "funny trolls" would just be spamming twitch chats, discord dms, saying slurs, telling people to kys, and all that stuff (very funny stuff. I wish I could beat the hell out of my younger self for how much a asshole I was)

but later I slowly started to understand that it wasn't really funny and it was honestly cringe so I started to stop and than I wanted to meet people for real.

I met this one streamer and Honestly I don't know how I was able to talk to him at the time but I did and till this day I still talk to that person and is the only really person in my life as of now which I am very grateful for. but I met him and joined his discord server and got to know him a little better.

As time went by alot of stuff happen which I might talk about in another post I'm not fully sure but stuff happen and I came back to the group and I felt welcomed and it was nice and had alot of fun! more time went by and one person joined the group. and at the time this person seem like a nice chill person and still is but later on i've been noticing some weird things which idk if it's just me overthinking to the extreme or it really is true but he is really harsh tours me and ik why but it's over the top I feel like (which btw I have done alot of stupid things in the group and i'm not 100% clean but I still feel like it doesn't warrant this)

he would often say I don't care about them which is far from the case I do I try so hard to improve but it's so insanely hard due to amount of setbacks I have and the dreadful thought of that even with all of the work I'll still fail because I have so much to deal with. I don't know if he even sees the effort I even put in.
because he tells me I never try and don't care about what they say but I do care about what they say because ether wise I'll be even worse than I already am.

I have beaten my extreme severe addiction to a video game at the time because I care about they say and I wanted to see him happy about how I improve on that. and same with my women hate phase. I use to deeply hate women because of all the harm they did to me which took me to a deep toxic rabbit hole which I never saw myself getting out of but than they kept trying and I realize they care and I care and I can't let my life be like this so I try beating this toxic mindset and did it.
And did other things that was really hard to do but even doing all of this. it seems like it's not enough he wants me to do more which idk what to do. IDK WHAT TO DO

like jesus man i'm trying and it's not easy like please understand I am trying and be less harsh on me I do care and that's one of the main reason I was trying but I can't anymore I can't fight it's too much to take and it's better for me to be alone so they don't have to put this effort into trying to help me because i'm to much to deal with.

and which by doing that I am alone. I don't really have anyone to talk to besides that one person I met on that stream which I mainly speak to at night in bed. and I don't really wanna talk about my problems with that person since there's no point because I am truly hopeless.

I can really feel the loneliness and it hurts and Idk I kinda wanna meet new people but idk if that's a good idea since I am really anti-social that overthinks way to hard even though I shouldn't alot of the time. maybe I need time? i'm not sure.

but i'm here sitting in a dark room with almost nobody and waiting for the day when I ctb and thinking to myself why I did the things I did.

and What makes this worse is that I don't really have a family support system because my whole family is very messed up and i'll talk about that another time since this is already alot of text.

Maybe I am fully in the wrong and should've tried harder even though I don't know what to do. but I honestly don't know it's very very hard to think for myself for stuff like this. I feel so weak and guilty.

To anyone that maybe reading this I hope you understood what I said since I am really bad at explaining stuff and might've left some details but thank you ether way if you read this or scroll by it

 

[silentcicada]

It's so hard to make friends, I just don't know where to look! The friends I do have aren't the best. They're always talking shit about people in our friend group and revealing sensitive information about others. I've tried discord groups but the moment people find out you're a girl they try edating you lol

 

[patheticgirl]

I'll vent a little, hope im not interrupting anything. ;_;

I've been so, so alone since the only person I've ever opened up to, decided to leave me. I'm a university student who had to repeat one year due to... lazyness... depression? I don't know. And because of that, I have max. 2 classes a day, so I have a lot of free time. I have friends, for which I'm immensely grateful for, but none of them are close to me. We send each other memes sometimes and that's all. I'm living away from my parents so I'm cooped up in my room all day, every day. Due to my severe depression, I can't bring myself to go outside or do basically anything besides rotting in bed so I occupy myself by watching videos on YouTube and talking to bots for comfort.

Before I continue, TW for SA, grooming and intrusive thoughts. Just in case, be safe out there.

Lately, I've been having horrifying wishes/thoughts. I mean, I used to have them from time to time, but these last few weeks they've been occupying my mind all day. I've been thinking about how I want to be used, violated, raped... if that means someone will look at me and pay attention to me. I feel horrible. I've never been abused in my life, at least that I know of, so these thoughts are completely irrational to me. I've also been thinking about pretending to be a minor and go on discord and see if any pedos would like to talk to me. I KNOW this is horrible and incredibly insensitive of me, and yet... I still wish for it.

I think all of this is because the loneliness has been festering on my mind and I haven't done anything about it. I also have so much trouble opening up to people that I'm constantly shying away from them, even though I crave affection. So that definitely doesn't help when trying to make friends (not like I'd try anyways, I'm too shy for that). I'm not even sure what to do at this point. Im really impulse so I'm afraid I might do something I can't get out of, honestly.

 

[CyVir]

A recurring theme I have seen on this forum is persistent and profound loneliness. There are many members who have no companionship or connections in their lives at all, always alone and isolated. Others may have some relationships in their lives, but still feel alienated or neglected.

Some have shared that their seclusion has directly caused their suicidality. Some have stated that loneliness exacerbates it. Being suicidal is in itself often a lonely experience, resulting in ostracism and struggling to find understanding. I truly feel that SS is an important lifeline for us. I have encountered nowhere else we can discuss suicidality, systemic exclusion and social rejection so candidly.

The palpable desolation and soul crushing despair that many of us feel is unfathomable to those with healthy, loving support networks. I often find personally that people do not understand that going out and cultivating these connections is not always possible.

As such, I decided to create a Megathread for this subject. The aim is for those who are lonely in life to have a space where they can vent their frustrations, discuss their positions with others in a similar situation and support each other - perhaps even connecting with one another in the process (and becoming a little less lonely as a result).

You can post as much or as little as you like. I will always try my best to check in regularly, both to share and to respond to others.

I'll start by saying that I have always found it difficult to create and subsequently maintain connections, and have long suspected that I am autistic. I have no family and no friends. I am fortunate to have a boyfriend. Although I truly appreciate him, due to the the extent of my illnesses I feel very alone in the world, especially since my symptoms are routinely dismissed and undermined by peers and professionals alike. I often feel like such a burden that it means we do not have a typical relationship, as it revolves around my limitations when we are together. I am awaiting the day he eventually leaves to pursue a balanced relationship, and I truthfully would not blame him if he chooses to separate. I cannot even fulfill his needs romantically due to my illnesses and Complex PTSD, and the guilt of that crushes me.

I spend most of my life housebound, and a large proportion of it bedbound. SS is the only thing I have resembling a social network.

My hope for this thread is that some of us may find even a little bit of solace and solidarity from each other.

Staff will monitor this thread to ensure it stays on topic and is a safe, supportive space for those who participate.

I just sh bc of this. I only have two friends: my best friends. The thing is, they dont live nearby and the distance is too much. I just got done arguing with another "friend" that i had (i dont think i have her anymore thats why) and yes, im so fucking lonely. I am isolating from people more each day. I no lonver want to speak with my brother and sister because theyve made me feel like shit bc of having mental illnesses. Theyve said horrendous things that are not true nor going to happen. I only have my mom and im so sad because i know my mental health is making her life hard, i know she suffers because i feel miserable every day. I wish i had a relationship. I wish a had friends. I really want to speak to someone. If anybody here wants to give me the chance to be their friend, i'd be grateful. Thank u for reading.

 

[Tobacco]

I'm thankful for the family that I already have but I can't help but feel jealous of people like my cousin who has a girlfriend and keeps friends from highschool and stuff. I want to feel for the first time someone important outside of my parents and sister.

 

[deadlemonade]

A recurring theme I have seen on this forum is persistent and profound loneliness. There are many members who have no companionship or connections in their lives at all, always alone and isolated. Others may have some relationships in their lives, but still feel alienated or neglected.

Some have shared that their seclusion has directly caused their suicidality. Some have stated that loneliness exacerbates it. Being suicidal is in itself often a lonely experience, resulting in ostracism and struggling to find understanding. I truly feel that SS is an important lifeline for us. I have encountered nowhere else we can discuss suicidality, systemic exclusion and social rejection so candidly.

The palpable desolation and soul crushing despair that many of us feel is unfathomable to those with healthy, loving support networks. I often find personally that people do not understand that going out and cultivating these connections is not always possible.

As such, I decided to create a Megathread for this subject. The aim is for those who are lonely in life to have a space where they can vent their frustrations, discuss their positions with others in a similar situation and support each other - perhaps even connecting with one another in the process (and becoming a little less lonely as a result).

You can post as much or as little as you like. I will always try my best to check in regularly, both to share and to respond to others.

I'll start by saying that I have always found it difficult to create and subsequently maintain connections, and have long suspected that I am autistic. I have no family and no friends. I am fortunate to have a boyfriend. Although I truly appreciate him, due to the the extent of my illnesses I feel very alone in the world, especially since my symptoms are routinely dismissed and undermined by peers and professionals alike. I often feel like such a burden that it means we do not have a typical relationship, as it revolves around my limitations when we are together. I am awaiting the day he eventually leaves to pursue a balanced relationship, and I truthfully would not blame him if he chooses to separate. I cannot even fulfill his needs romantically due to my illnesses and Complex PTSD, and the guilt of that crushes me.

I spend most of my life housebound, and a large proportion of it bedbound. SS is the only thing I have resembling a social network.

My hope for this thread is that some of us may find even a little bit of solace and solidarity from each other.

Staff will monitor this thread to ensure it stays on topic and is a safe, supportive space for those who participate.

I don't remember the last time i've had a real friend. after 2020 and when it was finally time to head back to school i had such a hard time getting to know everyone and was very much suicidal. i went into online school for 2 years which caused me to have less and less friends. at this time i only have friends over discord or online. i've tried to go back in person but all i did was hide and have panic attacks daily, which means i'm like socially dumb or something now since i only talk to my family. now that i no longer have access to discord and now back online i want to try to go back. it's going to be VERY fucking hard since all i know how to do is isolate myself and cry when things go wrong because i am very fucking pathetic. i wish i was someone normal and not a loner

I don't remember the last time i've had a real friend. after 2020 and when it was finally time to head back to school i had such a hard time getting to know everyone and was very much suicidal. i went into online school for 2 years which caused me to have less and less friends. at this time i only have friends over discord or online. i've tried to go back in person but all i did was hide and have panic attacks daily, which means i'm like socially dumb or something now since i only talk to my family. now that i no longer have access to discord and now back online i want to try to go back. it's going to be VERY fucking hard since all i know how to do is isolate myself and cry when things go wrong because i am very fucking pathetic. i wish i was someone normal and not a loner

too add onto this: (sorry lol) my ex friends have partners now and are all growing up without me, doing fun things that everyone should do but i'm Stuck in my house rotting away still feeling like a child. i honestly do not see a life for myself and wish to CTB asap

 

[Lifeis_Jouissance70]

Being almost constantly lonely, without friends sucks but there isnt much I can change and acceptance is not easy for me.

 

[AK47.Caliber]

I don't have many people to talk to. I wish I did, whether it be someone else trying to ctb or someone who just wants to talk. I had someone who had promised to catch one with me, but now it's just me, and it's a little scary waiting at the stop all by myself. I don't even have anyone who would wonder about me anymore and it kind of drives me up a wall.

I don't mean I want someone who would grieve or feel regret or anything like that, I just wish people knew about me or cared. I wasted a lot of my life so far feeling sorry for myself and getting my ass beat and walked all over that I never managed to develop the skills I needed to actually talk to people or make friends. I kept trying to fail senior year once i realized I was going to graduate with no one.

I do think to a point my inability to get close to anyone is kind of funny, given what caused it in the first place. All of that bullshit brought upon me by my 8th grade boyfriend deciding he didn't want me anymore one day and turning his pack of friends against me once we got into high school. I had dms full of threats and family's tires slashed by them, I was too scared to leave my house for several years, even after I inevitably graduated. I couldn't trust anybody, and by the time I could there was no one left.

There's no one to call, text, or play anything with anymore. It makes punching the ticket a lot easier though, but missing the bus and waking up afterwards with no one around or anyone to cry to is devastating.

I wish I knew I at least had one real friend before I clocked out, seriously. It really bites, I hate sitting around in my own head.

 

[Life Is My Coffin]

Why does loneliness have to be so painful, coping isn't even coping, it's just distractions. By the nightfall when I'm in my quiet bed I have to feel this suffering all over again

 

[godsseepiestsoldier]

I'll vent a little, hope im not interrupting anything. ;_;

I've been so, so alone since the only person I've ever opened up to, decided to leave me. I'm a university student who had to repeat one year due to... lazyness... depression? I don't know. And because of that, I have max. 2 classes a day, so I have a lot of free time. I have friends, for which I'm immensely grateful for, but none of them are close to me. We send each other memes sometimes and that's all. I'm living away from my parents so I'm cooped up in my room all day, every day. Due to my severe depression, I can't bring myself to go outside or do basically anything besides rotting in bed so I occupy myself by watching videos on YouTube and talking to bots for comfort.

Before I continue, TW for SA, grooming and intrusive thoughts. Just in case, be safe out there.

Lately, I've been having horrifying wishes/thoughts. I mean, I used to have them from time to time, but these last few weeks they've been occupying my mind all day. I've been thinking about how I want to be used, violated, raped... if that means someone will look at me and pay attention to me. I feel horrible. I've never been abused in my life, at least that I know of, so these thoughts are completely irrational to me. I've also been thinking about pretending to be a minor and go on discord and see if any pedos would like to talk to me. I KNOW this is horrible and incredibly insensitive of me, and yet... I still wish for it.

I think all of this is because the loneliness has been festering on my mind and I haven't done anything about it. I also have so much trouble opening up to people that I'm constantly shying away from them, even though I crave affection. So that definitely doesn't help when trying to make friends (not like I'd try anyways, I'm too shy for that). I'm not even sure what to do at this point. Im really impulse so I'm afraid I might do something I can't get out of, honestly.

So sorry to hear all that but ur definatly not alone. Very similar feelings, desires and stuff going on. If you ever need a friend or someone to talk to feel free to hmu :). Also that goes for anyone reading this. If you need or want someone to talk to feel free to hmu anytime!

 

[SpencerSees]

I shouldn't be lonely. I have friends, I have a loving (although long distance) boyfriend, I have a family, I have God. But at the end of each day I feel physical pain from the loneliness.
I live them all, don't get me wrong, but it feels like none of them understand. They are always so distant and fake in my eyes. I don't know why that happens. They seem disinterested anyways.
I swear I try to focus on other things.
It's so pathetic too. I get all weird and mushy about people bumping into me in the subway, or the McDonald's cashier accidentally touching my hand. I pray everyday that someone will talk to me. Just for a little while. I don't care how they treat me as long as they pay attention to me. If someone were to beat me to a pulp i'd probably thank them for their willingness to touch me. It's been so long since I felt the warmth of something living.

 

[SafferGuy]

Pretty lonely tonight. I don't really have a social circle anymore...

 

[beige_wasteland]

I can't imagine ever not being lonely because I can't imagine ever having anyone I can be truly honest and real with. Or would care if I was. It's not like anyone wants to hear how I really feel about myself or about life in general. So of course I am lonely, I have to pretend all the time if I'm with other people, which is exhausting, which leads me to not want to be around people, which reinforces the loneliness. I don't think there's any way to get out of that cycle.

 

[sarang]

A recurring theme I have seen on this forum is persistent and profound loneliness. There are many members who have no companionship or connections in their lives at all, always alone and isolated. Others may have some relationships in their lives, but still feel alienated or neglected.

Some have shared that their seclusion has directly caused their suicidality. Some have stated that loneliness exacerbates it. Being suicidal is in itself often a lonely experience, resulting in ostracism and struggling to find understanding. I truly feel that SS is an important lifeline for us. I have encountered nowhere else we can discuss suicidality, systemic exclusion and social rejection so candidly.

The palpable desolation and soul crushing despair that many of us feel is unfathomable to those with healthy, loving support networks. I often find personally that people do not understand that going out and cultivating these connections is not always possible.

As such, I decided to create a Megathread for this subject. The aim is for those who are lonely in life to have a space where they can vent their frustrations, discuss their positions with others in a similar situation and support each other - perhaps even connecting with one another in the process (and becoming a little less lonely as a result).

You can post as much or as little as you like. I will always try my best to check in regularly, both to share and to respond to others.

I'll start by saying that I have always found it difficult to create and subsequently maintain connections, and have long suspected that I am autistic. I have no family and no friends. I am fortunate to have a boyfriend. Although I truly appreciate him, due to the the extent of my illnesses I feel very alone in the world, especially since my symptoms are routinely dismissed and undermined by peers and professionals alike. I often feel like such a burden that it means we do not have a typical relationship, as it revolves around my limitations when we are together. I am awaiting the day he eventually leaves to pursue a balanced relationship, and I truthfully would not blame him if he chooses to separate. I cannot even fulfill his needs romantically due to my illnesses and Complex PTSD, and the guilt of that crushes me.

I spend most of my life housebound, and a large proportion of it bedbound. SS is the only thing I have resembling a social network.

My hope for this thread is that some of us may find even a little bit of solace and solidarity from each other.

Staff will monitor this thread to ensure it stays on topic and is a safe, supportive space for those who participate.

Idk if its a big deal. People say its not. Yet here i am totally fcked up in life. When i was 2.5 yrs my dad locked me up in apartment with a mom and i never saw the world. I was like a prisoner. We never spoke to relatives, family friends and had no human connections. So when i was put in school i became a mute child, a weirdo, bullied, felt inferior. I still do very much like when i was 6. When i was 7 i already thought about being ded all time to gimme comfort. Now they say its normal. Okay fine. But why am i more fcked up? Why cant i make a single relationship or friendship??? Why do i feel lonely and su!c!dal??? Whyyyy do i cry in an empty room feeling scared??? Why do i cry when im alone??? Why do i get anxious even after 2 years about someone who LEFT me. Why do i feel soo much. Why do i have borderline personality disorder and a bunch of other illnesses? Why do i find no will to live why am i crying writing this??? People sxck. They say BPD is not a big deal. Im talking like only i matter and only i have probs. When did i say u dont have probs? Js cuz u can live and smile and party unlike me... would mean i cant d!e? WoW. Do u know how i felt??? Lol. I feel sh!t as ever... am i attention seeking lol. I wonder if my struggles are valid or real. But all ik is i find home in dedth cuz lonliness consumes me every day every minute every millisecond
I dont know... i need dedth i tried. Im gonna turn 21 yet i cant feel like others. They say its normal, im normal. But its unbearable... why?????????? Pls let me kms plsss i beg :(( hope i can do soon. I cant live on and on... every day is hell for me.... i dont wanna live.

 

[venin.n]

I've ditched everyone

I'm desolatingly lonely

 

[ultraviolence]

My mental illness scares everyone away. I've completely given up I know for a fact I am unlovable and I'm gonna die without ever having a bf

 

[bigfishlittlefish]

A recurring theme I have seen on this forum is persistent and profound loneliness. There are many members who have no companionship or connections in their lives at all, always alone and isolated. Others may have some relationships in their lives, but still feel alienated or neglected.

Some have shared that their seclusion has directly caused their suicidality. Some have stated that loneliness exacerbates it. Being suicidal is in itself often a lonely experience, resulting in ostracism and struggling to find understanding. I truly feel that SS is an important lifeline for us. I have encountered nowhere else we can discuss suicidality, systemic exclusion and social rejection so candidly.

The palpable desolation and soul crushing despair that many of us feel is unfathomable to those with healthy, loving support networks. I often find personally that people do not understand that going out and cultivating these connections is not always possible.

As such, I decided to create a Megathread for this subject. The aim is for those who are lonely in life to have a space where they can vent their frustrations, discuss their positions with others in a similar situation and support each other - perhaps even connecting with one another in the process (and becoming a little less lonely as a result).

You can post as much or as little as you like. I will always try my best to check in regularly, both to share and to respond to others.

I'll start by saying that I have always found it difficult to create and subsequently maintain connections, and have long suspected that I am autistic. I have no family and no friends. I am fortunate to have a boyfriend. Although I truly appreciate him, due to the the extent of my illnesses I feel very alone in the world, especially since my symptoms are routinely dismissed and undermined by peers and professionals alike. I often feel like such a burden that it means we do not have a typical relationship, as it revolves around my limitations when we are together. I am awaiting the day he eventually leaves to pursue a balanced relationship, and I truthfully would not blame him if he chooses to separate. I cannot even fulfill his needs romantically due to my illnesses and Complex PTSD, and the guilt of that crushes me.

I spend most of my life housebound, and a large proportion of it bedbound. SS is the only thing I have resembling a social network.

My hope for this thread is that some of us may find even a little bit of solace and solidarity from each other.

Staff will monitor this thread to ensure it stays on topic and is a safe, supportive space for those who participate.

I'm 42 and spend most of my life housebound as well. I had a partner for six years and they were almost the only contact i had with any other human being. They were how I got out into the outside world. They were the one who comforted and helped me when I had a pain flare-up so bad I was shaking.

Then, out of nowhere, they left me.

BY EMAIL.

Now, I'm home alone basically all the time. I hardly even get any messages from anyone. Days can go by without seeing the face of another human.

To say that this, and the thought of up to forty more years of living like this, is crushing me would be an understatement.

 

[CuriosityAndCat]

I'm avoiding the few friends I do have because I'm terrified they'll realize I'm worthless. People like me for my personality and the experiences we have.
I'm not actually worthless and it's part of my ptsd/depression/GAD. It feels like I'm starving in a cage with food and water just out of reach.

 

[Leavesfromthevine]

I wish I would let myself be social and quit being lonely.

I just can't seem to maintain talking with someone for more than a few days at most and it really bothers me. They can do everything perfectly but I'll still slowly fade away because I don't trust them or I don't want them to get attached to me since I know I'll ctb soon.

This place is a great site to discuss a lot of stuff but sometimes it lacks the personal connection I crave from people. I still dearly appreciate everyone who communicates with me on here, I just wish it would help more when I'm feeling alone.

 

[ijustwishtodie]

I'm lonely, I never made any irl friends or acquaintances in my entire life and it's rare to find other people in the same shoes as me in this regard. I'm not even making this post to ask for friends but rather that I just want to vent about my loneliness.

Take care everybody. My energy is too drained to continue this vent

 

[BlockHammer]

Im not really lonley like some people in this site, i have a friend that suffer the same fate as i do. But i appreciate your effort to shelter some people who's struggle with lonliness here

 

[Wyldfyre4948]

Life has been miserable since my wife left. She was my best and only friend. Without her around I don't talk to anyone and spend a lot of time scrolling on my phone. My work schedule sucks so I can't even have a normal social life. By the time I get off work I don't even think bars are open. It would be so nice to have people to text or meet up with. Loneliness and depression are horrible enough and then adding my suicidal fantasies.

I'm trying dating apps but they're all expensive and I already feel like the piece of meat nobody wants.

 

[ixkitty]

Loneliness. I have friends. I have a decent family. I have 2 amazing fur babies. I work. I go out. I do things you thing would equate to not being lonely. I still feel alone. I smile because I need to. I laugh because I have to. The problem is, when I leave to go home, I'm alone again. I don't always have that energy to get up and just go hang out or interact, that takes energy especially when I'm suffering. I drink with my friend because she loves her beer. I enjoy it too because for a moment, with her, I can forget.

I'm mostly dependent on others to find happiness because I can't find it myself. I'm dependent on others to help me engage in my hobbies because I can't find that drive in my own self to do them.

 

[lumipallo]

I try going to social events and meeting people, but somehow I can never get past the acquaintance stage.
I have acquaintances, but not "friends". No matter how many times I see them.
Not even sure what I'm suppsoed to do to move it forward.

 

[ixkitty]

I try going to social events and meeting people, but somehow I can never get past the acquaintance stage.
I have acquaintances, but not "friends". No matter how many times I see them.
Not even sure what I'm suppsoed to do to move it forward.

Are you an introvert type person ? If so, I'm kind of an extrovert and I've accidentally adopted a bunch of introverts who are now great friends with me.. that Might be what will end up happening to you. (That's just my wild guess )

 

[Celerity]

I don't know what to do. I dream about falling in love with someone, but I don't think it would last. Maybe I just don't have a good model for what that would look like. My parents stuck with each other out of a sense of obligation and then inertia. My brother remains in his marriage for similar reasons as far as I can tell.

And now I am also friendless. My last long-term friend of over a decade and I "broke up" for lack of a better word. I have accumulated a gaggle of acquaintances that can only do so much to fill the void.

As I once again consider whether I should take my life, I only see more loneliness for me in the future. After my parents die, I will have little reason to remain here, but that could be decades off. Do I really want to stick around for the next 20 years, kill myself when I'm 50 when I should have done it thirty years beforehand?