Loneliness Megathread

[meetapple]

Can I ask what exactly did society do to make you feel that way?

They see my self-consciousness and it triggers them to blatantly stare at me. Sometimes they will honk car horns, light firecrackers, or repeat things they think I am thinking.

 

[Tonight634]

They see my self-consciousness and it triggers them to blatantly stare at me. Sometimes they will honk car horns, light firecrackers, or repeat things they think I am thinking.

I'm sorry you have to go through this, yeah if I had any advice I don't think it would help anyway so, society can be shit

 

[Marktheghost]

OK, this is going to be a long post.

On Wednesday March 29 2017 I received an e-mail from Tudor, the secretary of St Blane's drama group, saying I wasn't welcome at drama group anymore. He said more or less nothing about why, just something about my behaviour towards certain members of the drama group. I wasn't even aware that I'd been accused of anything before this; it was a complete shock to me! I've been convicted without a fair trial, and without even being told what I've done wrong! I e-mailed Tudor and asked why. Tudor won't say much about it, but from what he has said it sounded as if Alex and Pauline have accused me of giving them unwanted attention. As far as I know, what is meant by attention is trying to make friends. I've not spoken to Pauline since January 2015, and I hadn't e-mailed her since about March 2016. And literally all I've done to try to make friends with Alex is say "how are you?" in 1 message on facebook, and then when she didn't reply, say "don't you like me?" in the 2nd message. Tudor also said something about my behaviour during the pantomime in January 2017 leaving something to be desired, but didn't say what I'd done wrong.



I've e-mailed Tudor lots since then to try and find out what I've done wrong, and persuade him to listen to my side of the story. He's given me bits and pieces of information, but still not told me everything. I even sent him copies of both messages I sent to Alex, to prove my innocence. Just before Easter, he said that they'd discuss my situation at a committee meeting some time in the future. So that seemed like a glimmer of hope, except for the fact that there was no sign of me being informed of what I've done wrong before then, no indication that I'd be invited to the committee meeting, and Pauline, who apparently is my main accuser, is on the committee, so it certainly didn't sound as if I was going to get a fair trial. And there was never any indication that I'd be allowed back to drama group in the meantime.



I'd bought Easter eggs for 2 people at drama group, Kate and Tudor. So I turned up at drama group on Easter Tuesday, to deliver the Easter eggs. 1 or 2 people seemed surprised to see me, but they were friendly enough to me. Then I went to give Tudor his Easter egg after the rehearsal was over, and he turned it down and said I was just trying to bribe him. Pauline butted into the conversation and accused me of accusing her of acting inappropriately by refusing to go on holiday with me or something. (She's never even said anything about not wanting to go on holiday with me.) Tudor gave me a lift home. (Kindness is Tudor's strength; fair mindedness is Tudor's weakness.) Just before he dropped me off he told me that someone had accused me of shouting at someone and refusing to go on stage during the pantomime. So maybe that was what my behaviour at the pantomime accusation was about. It wouldn't be much of an exaggeration to say that each of those things is against my nature.



I e-mailed Kate about it, she told me a bit about what it was all about, but she didn't know much. (I don't know how she knew more than I knew about it though.)



If you're convicted of a crime, you can appeal against the verdict on a point of law. So I decided to appeal, on the grounds that I hadn't had a fair trial and that I hadn't had any previous warning. The drama group is affiliated to St Blane's church; so I appealed to the church, via the minister there. His name's Gary, he started coming to the drama group in 2016, so I know him a bit.



I contacted Hamish, the preacher man at a church I used to go to, and asked him if he wanted to be my lawyer and help me with speaking up for myself if I ever do get a chance to give my side of the story. He turned the offer down but he said he'd speak to Gary. He came to my flat and talked to me, and told me what he thought I'd been accused of.



I e-mailed Tudor and told him what my understanding of the accusations was (what Hamish told me), and asked him to confirm it. He said he'd reply next week. 3 weeks and 5 days later I got a reply. Tudor's original version of the accusations, Kate's version of the accusations, Hamish's version of the accusations, and Tudor's latest version of the accusations were all different to each other. The good news seemed to be that they were getting progressively less bad. So I thought maybe if I keep asking people, I'd eventually get the list of accusations down to just having asked Alex 'How are you?'.



Tudor's 2nd version of the accusations against me were: inviting Pauline to go to the Stirling fringe, inviting Pauline to go on holidays with me (and saying I'd understand if she wants to bring her husband and children with her), and making such approaches to at least 1 other person. I e-mailed Tudor and asked him if that is a correct, complete and accurate account of the accusations, and asked who else I'd been accused of making such approaches to and what approaches I'd been accused of making to them. He's never written back.



I've told Tudor that if I've done anything wrong, I want to know what it is so that I can sort out any dispute with anyone I've upset and make it up to them; I've told him that I'm suicidally lonely and I'm desperate to learn from my mistakes and improve my friend-making ability.



Eventually, I heard back from Gary. He said they were rejecting my appeal and claimed I'd sent inappropriate e-mails to people. He didn't say what inappropriate e-mails I'd sent or anything; and the church haven't given me a fair trial either. There was no indication they'd even looked at any evidence or anything! They treated me just as unfairly as the drama group themselves! It was a complete waste of time contacting Gary at all!



In June, they did the performance of a play, so I wanted to be there for that. And of course, they hadn't given me a fair trial or a good reason why I shouldn't. (And my social worker said I had the right to still go.) So for those 2 reasons, I turned up on Sunday of the week that was on. I was hoping I'd get an opportunity to ask Tudor or someone to tell me exactly what I've been accused of in person too, and finally get some answers. Gary asked me to leave. And Richard said I couldn't stay because I wasn't in the play. I didn't want to make a scene or anything, so I went home again. So I'd walked all the way there and back for nothing.



I e-mailed Richard a few days later and asked for an explanation for the way he'd treated me, and he said he no longer allows people in to rehearsals that aren't directly involved in the play. He could have given me a job with the stage crew; I'd have been perfectly willing to help out that way.



Someone advised me to leave it for a while, give things time to calm down, and then try again. So I left it and didn't go back to drama group or e-mail Tudor over the summer. I e-mailed Richard and Pauline during the summer, because they're on the committee, and asked them what the accusations are, but neither of them told me.



On August 29 2017, I went back to drama group to ask in person what the accusations were as I was getting nowhere trying to find out by e-mail. They asked me to leave a few times. I was polite, but assertive (or as assertive as I'm capable of being.) Most of the time I politely said "I'd prefer not to." Once I responded by saying "Until I get a complete, correct, and accurate account of what I've been accused of, I'm not willing to leave."



Alex threatened to call the police. She just walked off before I had a chance to respond to that; I didn't see any sign of them. (Perhaps she realised I had a good reason for staying and changed her mind.)



I told a few people that spoke to me that I hadn't been told what I'd done wrong, and nobody seemed to believe me.



Tudor said something, I can't remember what, he said I'd said or done something; and I said "Prove it." And he and Gary (the preacher man at St Blane's church) finally agreed to send me all the evidence against me. I think Gary also said that they'd tell me what all the accusations were too. They still seemed absolutely adamant that they're not going to listen to my side of the story or look at any evidence of my innocence.



Linda told me that I'd upset her during the pantomime. I didn't get a chance to talk to her enough about it to find out how. I contacted her on facebook afterwards to find out more, but she's never replied.



Tudor seems to be guilty of muddled thinking sometimes. At 1 point he said that I'd said something in an e-mail to him, and I said I hadn't, and he insisted I had, so I corrected him and told him what I'd actually said; and his response was "See? You've admitted it!", when what he was claiming I'd said was different to what I'd "admitted" to!



I gave Kate the Easter eggs that Tudor didn't want. They were best before Jul 31 unfortunately. I'd actually taken a present for Tudor too, to make up for the happiness he missed out on by not eating the easter eggs, but I didn't get a chance to give him it afterwards. Giving it to him while he was trying to talk me into leaving didn't seem quite the right moment earlier.



And then at the end of the rehearsal (which I wasn't involved in, so it was rather boring), Kate gave me a lift home. On the way home, Kate said it was very brave of me to come to drama group, but she didn't think it would do much good.



So it sounded as if there was some hope of finally seeing the evidence, and maybe finding out what I've allegedly done wrong. And if not, I'd find out what Linda was upset about, or find out she wasn't all that upset by her lack of response. I apologized to her when I contacted her on facebook anyway.



I felt glad that I went. I felt very pleased with myself for going, and standing up for myself, and I was pleased that there was a bit more chance of finding out what I've been accused of.



I e-mailed Tudor and Gary the next day and asked for a complete, correct and accurate account of what I've been accused of, and asked them to send me the evidence. And I asked Tudor to give me a fair trial. And I reminded them both that if I have done anything to upset anyone, I'd very very much like to talk things over with them and resolve any dispute and repair any damage to my relationship with them, and make it up to them and, if necessary, apologize; and that I'm desperate to learn from my mistakes and improve my friend making ability!



As I still hadn't heard from Tudor at the end of the week, I contacted Alex and Pauline and asked them what the problems were, and I've apologized to them even though I didn't know what I was apologizing for. I've e-mailed each of them 7 times about it, and got no response, which I think is evidence that they're false accusations.



I don't understand why people don't want me to find out what I've done wrong and make amends and apologize!



Actually to some extent I was hoping that by going to drama group, I'd be showing that I'm willing to do everything I can to find out what I've done wrong and apologize and learn from my mistakes, and give people a good impression of me. I got the feeling I was just giving people the impression that I'm stubborn or something though. :-(



2 and a half weeks after going to drama group I still hadn't heard from Tudor or Gary so I e-mailed Gary again, and finally got a response. He told me 6 accusations, 4 of which weren't true, the other 2 there did seem to be some truth in them, although I don't know what was wrong with what I'd done. The only evidence he managed to produce was 14 quotes from e-mails I'd sent to Pauline, 13 of which were irrelevant to the 6 accusations.



I've e-mailed Gary several times and asked for more details about the accusations, like who I'd allegedly done/said the things to and when etc, and asked for a complete, correct and accurate account of what I've been accused of, and he refuses to tell me. He claims he's already told me. Gary's account of what I've been accused of is different to any of the others too, so I don't even know which one to believe.



The committee meeting that they were supposedly going to discuss my situation at has never happened. I've never heard any more about that.



I went to the citizen's advice bureau in October. They mentioned mediators, and suggested contacting a lawyer. They also contacted social services for me.



I got a new social worker in November of that year. She's never been interested in helping me.



I contacted a mediation service, who contacted them, but apparently the mediation service didn't hear back from the drama group. I asked them about mediating privately between me and Alex, and between me and Pauline too, but the mediation service didn't hear back from either of them either!



I e-mailed 2 lawyers, and didn't hear back from either of them. I asked my social worker to help me contact a lawyer, and she's totally uninterested in helping me.



Eventually, I told my social worker that if she didn't help me contact a lawyer I'd go back to drama group to ask in person again. What else could I do? Despite saying herself that if I went back to drama group they might contact the police, she was still unwilling to do so. So in April 2018, I went back to drama group to ask again, and got a 3rd different version of the accusations from Tudor, but he refused to tell me everything.



I eventually managed to persuade my social worker to do something (or perhaps she was just pretending to do something to help me). She said she'd arrange a meeting with Tudor and Gary to discuss the situation. So on May 1 2018, I walked about 6 kms to St Blane's church hall, and they told me absolutely nothing that they hadn't already mentioned. They only mentioned 3 accusations, and didn't give us details of those 3. Tudor also changed his mind about the accusations about Alex; he admitted that she hadn't accused me of anything. They can't even seem to make up their minds what the accusations are! My social worker did absolutely nothing to encourage them to tell me anything.



I contacted another lawyer about it, and he contacted Tudor about it, and Tudor wouldn't tell him what the accusations are either. He contacted social services too, but they had nothing helpful to say. The only thing the lawyer could suggest was to take legal action against them for defamation, but he said he hadn't got any experience with defamation cases and suggested I contact another lawyer who specializes in that area of law. So the 240 pounds I spent in legal fees felt like a waste of money. The lawyer also said that the problem is that I can't produce evidence of defamation because I don't know what the defamatory statements are. I've got the e-mails from Tudor and Gary, I'd have thought they'd be some evidence of what the defamatory statements are.



So I contacted another lawyer, who specializes in defamation. 4 and a half months after I first contacted him, I was finally told that they were too busy with other cases and couldn't help me.

So I contacted a 5th one, and never heard back from them. So I contacted the 3rd lawyer again, and he said all he could suggest was to contact the law society of Scotland to see if they could find anyone who could act on my behalf. So I did that, and they just sent me suggestions for lawyers to contact. They said they couldn't contact them for me. And I'm too shy to phone them.

Since then, I've contacted a lot more lawyers. The only response I got until June 2020 was "we don't deal with this kind of case", or no response at all. In total, I'd contacted 40 law firms including the ones mentioned above before I finally found another one that does deal with defamation cases and had the decency to write back to me. They more or less confirmed that I didn't have much of a case because I don't know what the accusations are, and said it wasn't worth bothering because it would be difficult to find out, and I'd just be throwing good money after bad. They said I could contact another lawyer and ask for a 2nd opinion.

I contacted another lawyer, for a 2nd opinion like they suggested. And they don't deal with defamation cases. So that's 41 law firms I've contacted altogether now!

If I keep going like this, I'm never going to get this situation sorted out. I could be contacting lawyers who don't bother to respond for years before one finally does.

So the situation's crazy! The drama group never sent any real evidence, or explained properly what the accusations are. And they're not interested in listening to my side of the story. I've been convicted of a crime I didn't commit. (And IF I have done anything wrong, I didn't know it was wrong.)

I don't know what happened to innocent until proved guilty. They've violated my right to not be subjected to attacks on my honour or reputation.

And I can't find anyone that's willing to help me find out what the accusations are.

It looks as if I might just have to give up hope of ever finding out what the accusations were. And therefore give up hope of ever getting justice, and worse still, give up hope of ever learning from whatever mistakes I made! I must have done something wrong if they hate me enough to make any accusations about me, true or false, behind my back and get me kicked out! I wish I knew what I was doing wrong, so I could find out how to make friends more easily! It's got to be more than just being so shy that's making it difficult to make friends, and this would be a golden opportunity to get some idea of what I'm doing wrong!! It's extremely frustrating, to say the least!

 

[Deleted member 8975]

I'm sorry to hear whay you have been through. I don't think you are a monster. I think you've been failed from early childhood, especially being cast out of school such an early age and not being supported. Educators are supposed to look out for signs of abuse and neglect , safeguarding is such a big thing now. I am not sure when you were at school but they failed you, casting you as a 'trouble' kid with behaviour issues rather than trying to find out what what happening with you. Although I was aquiet child and just got on with school, this was the case for me too, in the sense they failed to recognise I was having childhood trauma due to my home life. They had no understanding of MH and even at college my difficulties coping were seen as me not having any interest being there, which was further from the truth. I was hoping things had changed for the better.

Thank you for saying that…

To be clear, I was taken out of school by my parents but you're right…the school did not seem to care nor recognize that there was anything wrong or about my well being. I'm not sure if anything would have been different…maybe it would have been even more traumatic if things had escalated.

I'm sorry you suffered like this :/ Children are at such a soft and impressionable stage in the development of their minds…it isn't fair to be robbed and neglected like this :/

 

[Murakami'sCat]

Thank you for saying that…

To be clear, I was taken out of school by my parents but you're right…the school did not seem to care nor recognize that there was anything wrong or about my well being. I'm not sure if anything would have been different…maybe it would have been even more traumatic if things had escalated.

I'm sorry you suffered like this :/ Children are at such a soft and impressionable stage in the development of their minds…it isn't fair to be robbed and neglected like this :/

Ah well that's just as bad. The authorities are supposed to look into why kids are removed, especially at such a young age. And to be told you're a monster at a young age and not being supported, of course it's going to mess anyone up.
And thank you.

 

[EndlessDolphin]

I had friends briefly when I was in the 12th grade. For one glorious year everything seemed to be going well for me. But we soon stopped talking to each other. They stopped responding to any posts I made on social media. They never texted me. From 2019 until now the loneliness has gotten so bad I get angry at anyone who has friends.

I was diagnosed with social anxiety disorder in 2016 and have been taking medication to help with it since. It improved; I could look people in the eyes finally. Now there are days where I can't handle anyone staring at me for more than a minute. Panic attacks have ruined me, limiting what jobs I can have. It's so hard to initiate conversation with another human. I'm slowly trying to tell myself that I don't need anyone because the reality of everything is that I will never have any friends. Im most likely going to die alone.

I can't handle it; I can feel myself loosing my mind over this. The only reason I haven't done anything yet is because I'm so uncertain of the afterlife. If I knew I'd be in heaven, I would have done something years ago.

 

[Marktheghost]

I tried another drama group in 2017, and was asked not to join because people feel uncomfortable around me. They wouldn't tell me who felt that way or why they felt that way, so I could actually do anything about it though.

Why are people so insensitive to my feelings!?

 

[forgotten15]

I struggle with loneliness, always have been.
Ever since i was little had difficulties forming friendships. I don't know why, but everytime I ended up alienated from the group with no actual reason. I have been bullied a lot at school and then in my adult life i was also left on the outside. I just don't know why, i promise i am not a horrible person; I even have been in situations where stuck up and selfish people were more liked the me.
Since being a child i was depressed and dreaded life, but there were times when I wanted to be "normal" and feel included, That never happened. Seeing others have friends and relationships while i was left alone added to my suffering.

I never get a message from anyone or a phonecall, i am utterly and deeply alone. The only interaction i have with other people besides my parents(and sometimes relatives) are my work coleagues.
To be honest, even if all i want is to disappear and escape this hell of a life, deep down i do feel hurt that i have absolutely no one around, that i never got to have a "best friend " and experience friendships. But on the other hand i realise people can be extremely mean and do awful things even to the ones that put all their trust in them, so maybe i'm not loosing anything and being all alone saves me from drama and disappointment.

 

[Marktheghost]

In 2019 I joined a netball club. Within 6 months, people had decided, without making any effort at all to get to know me, that they hated me enough for 5 of them to make false accusations about me and get me kicked out.

Why is it so hard to find a social opportunity where people actually make you feel welcome? I'd have thought most clubs and societies would welcome new members.

Is making false accusations about people one of the ways adults bully people?

And what is it about me that attracts this kind of abuse?

 

[TheHatedOne]

I have withdrawn into my own cave of misery and despair. While I still feel lonely, I think it's better than being hurt by shitty humans.

Loneliness was present pretty much my whole life. I was always alone at my worst, scared, with no one to let my stuff out to. I was desperate for human connection and wanted to belong somewhere. If I wouldn't be ignored or shunned away, I would be taken by people who pretended to be my friends, act nice for a while then hurt me and abandon me. It always happens. It's a vicious cycle. There were only two exceptions at least, my best friend during my teens and my dear friend who is gone.

But, knowing that even people who were kinda similar to me did this to me, well... It happened with even two people I met on here and thought of them as friends. One of them, on the app we were talking, name called me and told me to kill myself. This was a reminder to me, that just because they're in a similar situation it doesn't mean they wouldn't hurt me. After this, I gave up on friendships or anything.

Loneliness may hurt, it really does, after all it's said it's worse than smoking, I still prefer this than to continue to be trampled on by humans. The lesser devil.

 

[ItsMe-Hecked]

I had a dream last night that I did have someone that cared about me. We were cuddling, and she said that she loved the sound of my voice. Even something simple like that. Back to real life, everyone at school hates me. I'm the one person that everyone thinks is crazy, and no one talks to me. My family is all really fucking fake, and I can't even maintain any interpersonal relationships at all because I just constantly want to kill myself. Everyone around me is fake, and I don't even think good people exist at this point. Everyone treats me like I'm worthless. I'm at the point where I don't want to connect with other people. What I want is a fantasy; people that truly care about others aren't a thing. It's all just a circle-jerk of who can talk over who.

 

[dreadpirateroberts69]

Wut?

A co-worker once were SO good at hitting on girls. Seriously I don't know how she manage do to that. She dated like every girl she wanted.

I asked her for an advice on how to approach women and she said that she only here good because: "It's easier when you're gay."

I believed in her and now you're telling me that it's not? I'm gonna have to ask her again ...Or ask if she was advising me to go gay.

It's actually much harder to date when you're gay. She's probably just hot and outgoing.

 

[CatTheBus5689]

It's just an endless chase of finding people to fill our lives in a meaningful way even though everyone leaves. It's not if, it's when.

I've given up this pointless race. Every relationship feels shallow anyway, those that aren't are built up to be torn down.

 

[Hirokami]

I technically have people I talk to, but they're either fake or people I don't want to burden anyhow. My life was happier as a hermit. At least my anxiety didn't get to anyone and I never had to hide my true self. If anythng, I feel lonelier now. I'm obstrasized because of conditions I did not choose to have. Being rejected and knowing everyone thinks you're a nuisance is a fate far worse than solitude. I guess technically I could go back to the way things were but, with my life circumstance, it would be difficult.

 

[RetroChaos]

I withdrew ever since my girlfriend left me over a year ago. I understand why she left me because of my actions. My loneliness is a direct cause of my actions, and thus I feel like I'm paying the price of it. I know those out there feel awful because of loneliness that isn't their fault but I wish to add that loneliness caused by your own actions probably feels a lot more worse since it's your own fault.

Not to obviously put down anyone else's experiences obviously - I'm sure it hurts all the same. Sometimes though it's better to have never of loved than to have loved and lost as you don't know what you have lost... if that makes sense. For now though, I gather that we'll all sit here in this pit of despair until we find one way out or another - either by CTB or (hopefully) getting better. In a sense, this small community probably helps others feel better, I hope.

 

[come to dust]

I withdrew ever since my girlfriend left me over a year ago. I understand why she left me because of my actions. My loneliness is a direct cause of my actions, and thus I feel like I'm paying the price of it. I know those out there feel awful because of loneliness that isn't their fault but I wish to add that loneliness caused by your own actions probably feels a lot more worse since it's your own fault.

Not to obviously put down anyone else's experiences obviously - I'm sure it hurts all the same. Sometimes though it's better to have never of loved than to have loved and lost as you don't know what you have lost... if that makes sense. For now though, I gather that we'll all sit here in this pit of despair until we find one way out or another - either by CTB or (hopefully) getting better. In a sense, this small community probably helps others feel better, I hope.

As someone who is permanently single and lonely, I do wish had at least had the experience of knowing how love and partnership felt. People like me will have to go to the grave without ever getting that knowledge and experience. It's one of the core pleasures of human life that is completely out of reach for us.

 

[StarryStarry]

A recurring theme I have seen on this forum is persistent and profound loneliness. There are many members who have no companionship or connections in their lives at all, always alone and isolated. Others may have some relationships in their lives, but still feel alienated or neglected.

Some have shared that their seclusion has directly caused their suicidality. Some have stated that loneliness exacerbates it. Being suicidal is in itself often a lonely experience, resulting in ostracism and struggling to find understanding. I truly feel that SS is an important lifeline for us. I have encountered nowhere else we can discuss suicidality, systemic exclusion and social rejection so candidly.

The palpable desolation and soul crushing despair that many of us feel is unfathomable to those with healthy, loving support networks. I often find personally that people do not understand that going out and cultivating these connections is not always possible.

As such, I decided to create a Megathread for this subject. The aim is for those who are lonely in life to have a space where they can vent their frustrations, discuss their positions with others in a similar situation and support each other - perhaps even connecting with one another in the process (and becoming a little less lonely as a result).

You can post as much or as little as you like. I will always try my best to check in regularly, both to share and to respond to others.

I'll start by saying that I have always found it difficult to create and subsequently maintain connections, and have long suspected that I am autistic. I have no family and no friends. I am fortunate to have a boyfriend. Although I truly appreciate him, due to the the extent of my illnesses I feel very alone in the world, especially since my symptoms are routinely dismissed and undermined by peers and professionals alike. I often feel like such a burden that it means we do not have a typical relationship, as it revolves around my limitations when we are together. I am awaiting the day he eventually leaves to pursue a balanced relationship, and I truthfully would not blame him if he chooses to separate. I cannot even fulfill his needs romantically due to my illnesses and Complex PTSD, and the guilt of that crushes me.

I spend most of my life housebound, and a large proportion of it bedbound. SS is the only thing I have resembling a social network.

My hope for this thread is that some of us may find even a little bit of solace and solidarity from each other.

I will monitor this thread to ensure it stays on topic and is a safe, supportive space for those who participate.

I'm a bit embarrassed to say that I am lonely (against social standards). I have no family and no friends. I've been in my apartment for five months without anyone checking on me. I guess if I didn't pay the rent they would figure it out and come looking for me. Sad, very sad. This site is the only place I have to talk to people. LONG LIVE SS!!!

 

[Gordy99]

I think I posted this in another thread but I used to be lonely at one point. I just prefer to be alone now. I know tons of people at work and well liked but they are not my friends. I have no friends and I think it's better that way. I will admit though I am glad I go to work every day and talk to people otherwise I probably wouldn't leave my apartment very often.

 

[PursuitofWonder]

I want connection but drive people away with my depression and isolating myself intermittently. Nobody wants to be around someone who's sad and doesn't respond for months sometimes. It my own fault but falling out of contact with everyone I used to know is painful. I like being able to connect with people here because we're all sad and semi spotty at connection. You grow accustomed to being pretty alone in life but I think most people don't like complete isolation if they're really being honest about it. Some connection is needed in this life no matter how small.

 

[Of The Universe]

I am so lonely! I don't want to live. But I don't want to ctb!

 

[waitingforrest]

Just adding to the never ending pile of loneliness. I sometimes wish I never saw how other people's social lives are. Then I least I would stop thinking about having friends. Sometimes I wonder if I'm deluding myself that I am happy alone. But I rather be alone than abused again.

 

[Crocodiledundee]

I miiisss sleeping in the same bed with someone I love ( not sex) it's such a blatant reminder every night now of how blessed I used to be. I'm very jealous of my old self, I'm not jealous of other people. I feel like I can't even remember the experience of being super close to another person. The only person I was ever close too. Life is a serious mind fuck. very confusing times. my dog died too barely a year old, it's been months but didnt get to process it l I really wish I had my dog. made myself cry lol

 

[Dr Iron Arc]

I manage to still be lonely even with lots of friends and family. My stupid biology refuses to just settle for that and instead craves romantic intimacy despite knowing fully well it can't get that because it doesn't deserve it. The friends and family I have probably aren't enough because no matter who they are I can't by completely open about my true sinister nature as much as I want to. Whenever I do, people laugh it off or just assume I'm being humble or something weird like that when I'm really just being honest about how evil I am. I deserve my loneliness because I always have myself to antagonize me and make things worse for everyone…

 

[Of The Universe]

I manage to still be lonely even with lots of friends and family. My stupid biology refuses to just settle for that and instead craves romantic intimacy despite knowing fully well it can't get that because it doesn't deserve it. The friends and family I have probably aren't enough because no matter who they are I can't by completely open about my true sinister nature as much as I want to. Whenever I do, people laugh it off or just assume I'm being humble or something weird like that when I'm really just being honest about how evil I am. I deserve my loneliness because I always have myself to antagonize me and make things worse for everyone…

If you're evil,and don't like it,why can't you try to be better?

 

[Dr Iron Arc]

If you're evil,and don't like it,why can't you try to be better?

Because evil people don't do that and even if I tried and could be redeemed it would still be undeserved anyway. It's 2022. People don't get forgiven for their misdeeds anymore, as they shouldn't.

 

[Cameron Diazepam]

We're supposed to be in good company because loneliness is a nationwide problem in the US but it still seems hard to find a connection, even pre-pandemic. For me, discussing an exit led to people running away. I don't know why, the casket won't be that heavy for the pallbearers.

Adults in the U.S. had three confidants in 1985 compared to just two in 2004. And approximately one in four Americans reported having no close confidants in 2004—an almost threefold increase from 1985.

More recent data show that one in five millennials have no friends at all. And a survey released in 2020 found that 71 percent of millennials and almost 79 percent of Gen Z respondents report feeling lonely—a significantly greater proportion than other generations.

Why Young Americans Are Lonely

And what we can do about it

www.scientificamerican.com

 

[Ethereal Knight]

I have withdrawn into my own cave of misery and despair. While I still feel lonely, I think it's better than being hurt by shitty humans.

Loneliness was present pretty much my whole life. I was always alone at my worst, scared, with no one to let my stuff out to. I was desperate for human connection and wanted to belong somewhere. If I wouldn't be ignored or shunned away, I would be taken by people who pretended to be my friends, act nice for a while then hurt me and abandon me. It always happens. It's a vicious cycle. There were only two exceptions at least, my best friend during my teens and my dear friend who is gone.

But, knowing that even people who were kinda similar to me did this to me, well... It happened with even two people I met on here and thought of them as friends. One of them, on the app we were talking, name called me and told me to kill myself. This was a reminder to me, that just because they're in a similar situation it doesn't mean they wouldn't hurt me. After this, I gave up on friendships or anything.

Loneliness may hurt, it really does, after all it's said it's worse than smoking, I still prefer this than to continue to be trampled on by humans. The lesser devil.

I feel that way too. Can't trust people. Ever. If they get a chance, they will hurt me, betray me, use me, abuse me, stab me in the back...

Humans being humans.

Another thing: don't put all your eggs in just one basket. Lesson learned. The only person with whom I had a deep and powerful connection, my ex girlfriend, left me suddenly to start a new relationship with someone else.

But going back: "The lesser devil", that's right.
Loneliness is something you can get used to. At least I got. We get desensitised overtime.
I feel like loneliness can feel worse if you physical health is not on point. For example, if you have been having bad nights of sleep for a while, the pain of loneliness can get bigger or even appear out of nowhere. At least in my experience.

On the other hand, if you sleep very well constantly, exercise, be phisically active, expose yourself to sunlight, occupy your mind, work on something meaningful or creative, have some hobbies... etc...

I like bodybuilding for a hobby, for example, I think it really occupies a lot of your time so you don't even have time to feel lonely or to worry about any of these things, you're too busy doing "meal prep" for the next days, eating your meals, doing training, recovering, trying to get your sleep ritual on point - in other words, "aligning all the stars" to make you succeed at your hobby, then really there probably won't be time or mental energy left for worrying about loneliness. You're too busy working on your own meaning.

 

[come to dust]

It amazes me how there are actually people out there with partners, life spouses and children. There are even some people with polymorous multiple partners who keep adding new people to their life. There are some people with loads of friends and thousands of instragram followers. There are some people who can go on a dating app and get a new partner within weeks.

I will be none of these people.

 

[Journeytoletgo]

I think that's what I am very very lonely and isolated but I don't know how to connect to people anymore without expecting harm. I think the worse of everything and never positive because I had horrible teenage experience being bullied and my first relationship traumatized me. I always expect the worse and get taken advantage of for showing weakness and ruin possible connections I'm too weak for this world and have to gather the courage soon to leave as I'm not having a good time

 

[Akerblad]

My problem is that I'm an isolated and violent person, recently I became a very hostile and aggressive person and for one side the loneliness and isolation it's painful but for other side, my reactions towards other people are frequently aggressive or distant and finally I look for loneliness again.