LOL

[Insomniac]

For the last 4 hours, my mind's been insulting me for no reason ( "die" "bitch" "scum of a human being" "useless whore" "evil retarded trashcan" ) and I was crying but now I feel like laughing but I can't because I'm working.

Like?? I've litterally done nothing wrong but I'm the victim of so much hate from myself? It's insane. I have litterally done nothing wrong today. I haven't been lazy or anything but my mind still thinks I should kill myself

I have this feeling of terror that I cannot shake off. I'm litteraly living with someone inside me that's bullying the shit out of me and is trying to kill me and I can't run away

to that part of me: can you please chill? you littreally have nothing on me today so you're just going to keep throwing violent random words at me ? lol. sorry for existing??

 

[hungry_ghost]

Try to learn to observe your thoughts passively.

Don't identify with them.

The fact that you are even conscious enough to recognize how absurd these thoughts are in the context of your day means they are not yours, but someone or something else's.

It could be your shadow self/subconscious programming, or even an entity that is attached to you.

 

[leeloosnow]

i wouldn't put up with someone else talking to me like i talk to me.
failure
junkie
fat
old
parasitic worthless bitch
heretic is right tho, those are things that shitty ppl said to me at some point in my life, or ways i was treated. and i don't agree with those ppl labeling me as any of that (and worse) but for some reason i can't let go of doing the same to myself. i'm exhausted with how complicated and shitty humans often are, myself included

 

[WhiskeyHands]

I feel your pain. There's always a little voice that echoes in the back of my mind, but usually I can push through it for another day. But some days that voice screams so loudly and becomes all consuming. It's a constant battle with myself and becomes very draining after awhile.

 

[jodes2]

Sorry you're suffering

 

[Smart No More]

What would happen if you did a selfless thing? Made a nice gesture or went out your way to do something good? Worth a try?

 

[Insomniac]

What would happen if you did a selfless thing? Made a nice gesture or went out your way to do something good? Worth a try?

I'd like to but I feel embarrassed. Like, I really want to make a habit of waking up at 5am and picking up the trash around my neighbourhood for 1 hour but I'm scared that people are gonna think I'm a lunatic or some weirdo.

 

[Smart No More]

Yeah, I get that but that's something yoy can factor into the feel good pay off. Because you're doing something good in the face of your embarrassment. Your inner bitch can't give you shit for that, right?

As far as the people that might be an issue for you I can't guarantee anything but I think if you just own it and make it obvious what you're doing they'll come round and if they don't then fuck them. Do you really need oe even want their approval if they can't see that you're doing something that benefits them?

In my younger years I cared what people thought but as I grew older I decided to liberate myself by accepting myself. As long as I know I'm doing what I truly (when I look myself in the proverbial eye) believe to be right then it matters not what anyone thinks. It's actually quite amazing how differently the world treats you as a result of that. Don't get me wrong, sick heads will be dick heads but that's not your problem, it's theres.

I'm not one for quoting Bob Marley. In fact this will be the first (and probably last) time and its as apt a moment if ever there was one. "emancipate yourself from mental slavery".

You don't havw to pick up the trash at 5am either lol. I don't know what kind of neighbourhood you're in but you could post flyers suggesting a community gathering to pick up trash once a fortnight. Time and date is that's needed. If people show up, bonus. If not then at least everyone knows wtf you're doing. You can feel safe in the knowledge none of them will give you shit because they'll be too busy being ashamed of themselves lol.

 

[Maudlin]

Zazen helped me with that.

It hurts.




heretical nebula has it right.