Venting Living with a chronic condition

[VogonPoetry]

Hi all. I've been lurking here for a few months and I think I finally feel ready to talk about what brought me here.
I have an aggressive cancer predisposition syndrome which has had a massive negative impact on my life. I had cancer when I was a child, ten years free but still I have a very high chance of developing other cancers. I'm regularly in and out of the hospital for invasive surveillance procedures, these will continue for the rest of my life. As you can probably imagine, this is a terrible burden for me to carry and life just kinda sucks. Not looking to CTB rn, but I just feel so genuinely hopeless all the time. If I were to develop cancer again though I would feel a lot more secure having a method ready. Even though my country offers euthanasia for life limiting illnesses, I think I would be highly discouraged from seeking out that option because I'm still young. I don't feel like I can talk to anyone about my real feelings, the only reason I'm posting here is because of the anonymity. Thanks for reading, I just needed a vent.

 

[SilentSadness]

That is terrible for you, life really is boundless in how much it can torment people. I hope you can find some comfort from your disease.

 

[Glandular]

I can relate. I was diagnosed more recently than you but my life has never been the same since then. If I'm not in pain from my condition my fear and anxiety will do the job to make me miserable. And I know all about invasive surveillance procedures at the hospital - next one will be pretty soon. The worst thing is knowing that one day it'll get considerably worse. You don't know when, only that it will happen. And when that day comes, I'm ready to ctb.

I guess that no one except people with similar chronic diseases can really relate how it feels. I know that my loved ones don't really "get it". They think I'm fine - but they have no idea what it means to know that you live on borrowed time.

 

[thisiswhoiam-]

Physical problems are awful. I recently started having them and realized what hell it is. It's hard to give any advice on these type of things. Welcome to the community.

 

[FuneralCry]

That sounds really horrific what you've had to go through, it really does disgust me how this life can potentially torture people so much but anyway best wishes. There could certainly never be any real relief from suffering in this world where there is unlimited potential for harm.