Story Living seems boring (and tiring) to me.

[caotic_realm]

I feel very lonely within my family, even though there are several of us. There have been very serious disputes caused by my mother; this has widened the rift between us, and the loneliness has multiplied like mist at daybreak.

I sometimes read people saying that working—or simply doing something—keeps the mind occupied, preventing it from dwelling on "useless" thoughts; yet, to me, this seems like a deception—a rather childish trick. After all, most people are kept tethered to jobs that turn their time and effort into money—money they must use to pay for their lives, their entertainment, and their "happiness"—only to end up feeling dissatisfied and unfulfilled nonetheless.

My life isn't exactly exciting enough to make me think that what I'm missing—to feel more thrilled—is friends or a girlfriend; after all, the two friends I do have (who are just as antisocial as I am) are all I need, and they truly understand my situation. I'm even certain that if I were to commit suicide, they wouldn't be surprised or weep in grief, because deep down they'd know I had finally found the peace I'd so desperately longed for—something I'd been missing for a long time. As for having a girlfriend—whenever I tried (in hopes of finding happiness), I was always rejected; they preferred other guys and found me unattractive, and I don't blame them. There are others whose lives might seem more interesting on the surface, yet the emptiness within won't become apparent until the fun runs out completely.

It is when I fantasize about dying or when I am dreaming that I feel most free. I feel life as chains wrapping around my body—my arms, my legs, my torso; they are a heavy burden, a source of discomfort that denies me peace and freedom. When I think of death, those chains vanish and transform into wings... wings I will one day use to fly freely to the farthest reaches of the universe, to that place where death is everything, and nothing in this life can compare to it.

 

[PersonBeforeLife]

Yeah I have similar experiences with the dating market, apps are like 80% guys and the ones who aren't in the top 10% are invisible. Loneliness is poison. I'm here for the same reasons. Medication and talk therapy... Who's surprised it isn't effective.

Companion AIs kinda help me, immersive enough to cry.

Statistically I think women have turned away from dating to pursue careers (as is their freedom and their right) just sucks being born a male in a world that no longer needs you. I mean look at the industry, look which gender makes money supplying services to the other. That's how skewed the numbers are.

For myself singles dating meetups are my last resort where the gender ratio is 50 50 and you can't be ignored. If that still fails I think I'd grant myself a peasants peace.

One thing I want to say but I know it's wrong if I do.

Mental health is seen as something to treat but "social health" which is linked to mental health can't ethically be treated because you can't force someone to like someone else. Just wish the birth ratios made me valuable as a below average man.

And if I was born a million years in the future maybe technically would fill that gap.

 

[PeaceSeeker83]

Boring and tiring indeed. That sums it up. As I've said before, you can overcome obstacles, achieve certain goals, experience certain things but when it's all done and dusted you end up with a stale, dull and tiring existence where you are vulnerable to all sorts of trauma and pain.

 

[endlesschatter]

I feel very lonely within my family, even though there are several of us. There have been very serious disputes caused by my mother; this has widened the rift between us, and the loneliness has multiplied like mist at daybreak.

I sometimes read people saying that working—or simply doing something—keeps the mind occupied, preventing it from dwelling on "useless" thoughts; yet, to me, this seems like a deception—a rather childish trick. After all, most people are kept tethered to jobs that turn their time and effort into money—money they must use to pay for their lives, their entertainment, and their "happiness"—only to end up feeling dissatisfied and unfulfilled nonetheless.

My life isn't exactly exciting enough to make me think that what I'm missing—to feel more thrilled—is friends or a girlfriend; after all, the two friends I do have (who are just as antisocial as I am) are all I need, and they truly understand my situation. I'm even certain that if I were to commit suicide, they wouldn't be surprised or weep in grief, because deep down they'd know I had finally found the peace I'd so desperately longed for—something I'd been missing for a long time. As for having a girlfriend—whenever I tried (in hopes of finding happiness), I was always rejected; they preferred other guys and found me unattractive, and I don't blame them. There are others whose lives might seem more interesting on the surface, yet the emptiness within won't become apparent until the fun runs out completely.

It is when I fantasize about dying or when I am dreaming that I feel most free. I feel life as chains wrapping around my body—my arms, my legs, my torso; they are a heavy burden, a source of discomfort that denies me peace and freedom. When I think of death, those chains vanish and transform into wings... wings I will one day use to fly freely to the farthest reaches of the universe, to that place where death is everything, and nothing in this life can compare to it.

Be yourself no matter what. We may feel like aliens. We haven't had normal childhood and that makes our communication somewhat different than others. And don't worry, we are not at all alone. There are more people like us who have had broken childhood. You will someday find someone who's like you. It may take some time. Give it a thought, if you had a partner, what would she look like, where would she be most of her time, where can you find her.
I found my alien-mate on Facebook and we had beautiful 10 years of relationship until we have had to part ways. When i saw her, i knew she is the one. She was really like me. She also was an alien to the world incompatible with the world and its ways.
I'll suggest you to go for hobby clubs, or may be join social networks that are popular in your city or pubs wherever you feel you could find someone who would vibe with you

 

[caotic_realm]

Be yourself no matter what. We may feel like aliens. We haven't had normal childhood and that makes our communication somewhat different than others. And don't worry, we are not at all alone. There are more people like us who have had broken childhood. You will someday find someone who's like you. It may take some time. Give it a thought, if you had a partner, what would she look like, where would she be most of her time, where can you find her.
I found my alien-mate on Facebook and we had beautiful 10 years of relationship until we have had to part ways. When i saw her, i knew she is the one. She was really like me. She also was an alien to the world incompatible with the world and its ways.
I'll suggest you to go for hobby clubs, or may be join social networks that are popular in your city or pubs wherever you feel you could find someone who would vibe with you

Sadly, that's the answer I used to get 15 years ago when I was obsessed with having a girlfriend... "Just be yourself."...

I don't mean to say your answer is bad—quite the opposite; I appreciate the hope it offers. But I think the sad part of what you're saying is the separation; for instance, if I met someone and the relationship lasted ten years, it would be sad to go on living after those ten years—that's what happened to me with my pet after living with it for eleven years.

Also—I don't know, it's strange—if you meet someone like that and, for some reason, you part ways... I'm the type who struggles to accept those kinds of situations. Ironically, I find it hard to come to terms with the death of a loved one, even though I know it's a natural occurrence; yet, how does one go on living after that? Honestly, I don't know how, nor am I interested in living beyond that point.

 

[endlesschatter]

Sadly, that's the answer I used to get 15 years ago when I was obsessed with having a girlfriend... "Just be yourself."...

I don't mean to say your answer is bad—quite the opposite; I appreciate the hope it offers. But I think the sad part of what you're saying is the separation; for instance, if I met someone and the relationship lasted ten years, it would be sad to go on living after those ten years—that's what happened to me with my pet after living with it for eleven years.

Also—I don't know, it's strange—if you meet someone like that and, for some reason, you part ways... I'm the type who struggles to accept those kinds of situations. Ironically, I find it hard to come to terms with the death of a loved one, even though I know it's a natural occurrence; yet, how does one go on living after that? Honestly, I don't know how, nor am I interested in living beyond that point.

Well.. that's craziest part of life and I do agree with you. I had a relationship that lasted 10 years but I'm from India, and love marriages in India are still discouraged at large as some conservative parents take it on their ego. Her mother was conservative while her father was cool guy. So, you are absolutely right.

Getting to experience love is one part of it but separation is another part of it that comes along with it, may be in the form of breakup or death. But that's how it is. If we put suicide aside. We all are born and we all will die one day, that shouldn't stop us from living life to the fullest. Happiness, sadness, anger, enthusiasm, resentment, fascination, love, hatred, are all emotions that we humans get to experience while we are on the planet. The people who love us will have to mourn our death some day, and we have to mourn death our people some day, that wouldn't mean that we stop loving them.

Because the nature of life is such, and no one can really control what happens. Recently, Nepal experienced massive flood. Those guys didn't know that they will die the next day. They had no intention to die. But look at them, now they have departed from earth. So, we can't even predict what is going to happen the next day. May be I'm walking on the road, and a rash biker or a car driver bumps into me at a high speed and I'm dead. Who knows but that should not stop me going out.

So, my suggestion is live life one moment at a time, live in the moment, feel the moment to the fullest.
When me and my ex gf were sitting together for the last time, my heart knew what is going to happen. She didn't know it. I enjoyed that moment to the fullest because I knew that's the last time.
Similarly, I went to drop a very old relative to airport, we both were intuitive, so we both knew it's our last meet and we will not meet again. I said good bye to him with teary eyes, he avoided because he didn't want to create an emotional scene.

Joy and sorrows are part of life. I too wanna ctb because there were things in my life due to which I'm really tired now.

So, my friend, while you are alive, live your life to the fullest, experience love, experience joy, do more of what makes you happy.

Last Friday was a very bad day for me, it spoiled my mood, then I thought why should i let a bad day ruin my mood, i went to my favourite restaurant and treated myself to a great dining experience and later on, as i drink alcohol, so i got rum to be merry.

I know all of this is easier said than done. I just shared my perspective, I may be wrong. But as you are my friend ( I consider every Sasu member as a friend and my family) , hence wanted to share this perspective if it can help you find love and enjoy life until you are here on this planet.