Living is just so unbearable

[sohopelessandempty]

I can't ctb for reasons that take too long to explain, maybe I'll end up making a post about why. So I'm trapped in this suffering until I die of old age and I just can't accept that I'll have to be in pain for the rest of my life. That's basically forever since it's MY WHOLE LIFE and even though forever is forever, if I'm in pain until I'm dead, to me that is forever since who knows what happens once I'm dead. Life is in a way forever. At least it feels that way. The pain is so unbearable and excruciating and I don't know what it's like not to feel this way. I'll probably never know. It always lingers, even if it's not as bad sometimes. I truly hate being alive. Honestly I just need to get these feelings out before I go to bed. Should I make a vent thread? It's just I feel like if I just made a thread for all my vents nobody would see them, and if no one sees them it's basically the same as writing in a diary which hasn't helped me nearly as much. I think I mention this in another post, sorry. But anyways I want people to see but only the people here. I want someone to acknowledge and care about my pain.

 

[FuneralCry]

I really understand, I also find it so unbearable and torturous to exist, all I want is to be gone and never suffer again and I always suffer from being trapped in this existence so cruelly denied the option to just cease existing peacefully, I wish you the best.

 

[sohopelessandempty]

I really understand, I also find it so unbearable and torturous to exist, all I want is to be gone and never suffer again and I always suffer from being trapped in this existence so cruelly denied the option to just cease existing peacefully, I wish you the best.

Yes I don't want to suffer anymore either but like you said we can't have a painless death. And people wonder why suicidal people don't just do it already but besides all the other reasons, this is a huge one. Why would I want to attempt suicide and risk pain when pain and suffering is the reason I want to die to begin with? I wish you the best too.

 

[looking4partner]

Yes I don't want to suffer anymore either but like you said we can't have a painless death. And people wonder why suicidal people don't just do it already but besides all the other reasons, this is a huge one. Why would I want to attempt suicide and risk pain when pain and suffering is the reason I want to die to begin with? I wish you the best too.

Yes, many of the symptoms that happen during attempts or when the attempt doesn't work are symptoms that I already experience and the reasons why I switched from passive to active CTB :(

Also, people who are able to attempt & have normal physical capability & at least some level of independence don't realize how lucky they are that their reasons didn't take more options, control, & privacy away from them. Or I guess I should say that they didn't develop additional reasons to CBT that took these away from them after already having long term CTB thoughts and waiting like people advised them & doing the right thing to try and treat themself and improve only to be unexpectedly punished even further.

 

[sohopelessandempty]

Yes, many of the symptoms that happen during attempts or when the attempt doesn't work are symptoms that I already experience and the reasons why I switched from passive to active CTB :(

Also, people who are able to attempt & have normal physical capability & at least some level of independence don't realize how lucky they are that their reasons didn't take more options, control, & privacy away from them. Or I guess I should say that they didn't develop additional reasons to CBT that took these away from them after already having long term CTB thoughts and waiting like people advised them & doing the right thing to try and treat themself and improve only to be unexpectedly punished even further.

Yes, and I'm very sorry you're going through this. I've decided to live which I explained in another reply to a different post of mine but putting that aside, I understand how you feel to an extent. Circumstances preventing me from ctbing that others don't have to deal with, although it's not the same as your situation obviously. I'm not physically disabled, I assume you are based on the way you described things. This isn't the same at all but if it makes you feel better, back when I used to have suicide plans the only thing I thought would be most likely to work(and that I had access to) was hanging but I am too heavy to hang from my closet railing haha. So then I looked into partial, which has a lower success rate. I'm saying I know what you mean about physically not having the same options as others, even though our situations aren't the same. I've heard of people hanging from ceiling fans, it's sad and all but I also think like if I were to do that, it would instantly snap. I grew up being body shamed a lot, but my parents annoyed me so bad with all that bullshit that I ended up not really caring. Not being super skinny never bothered me, as long as I'm healthy it's no big deal. But I remember I was so upset when I grabbed onto the closet railing to test it and I realized I'm too heavy to hang the normal way. Like seriously? I'm too fat to hang myself? That's so unfair, but I got over it and can look back on it in a less serious way. So I think I understand your reply to an extent.

 

[urgent]

I really understand, I also find it so unbearable and torturous to exist, all I want is to be gone and never suffer again and I always suffer from being trapped in this existence so cruelly denied the option to just cease existing peacefully, I wish you the best.

I feel exactly the same I have so many medical issues I'm in agony every minute of the day. Nights not much better since the pain wakes me I wish I had a way to help both of us

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