Discussion Little things that add up to make you want to ctb

[Boudika]

Do you also have little things during the day that make you even more confident in your decision to ctb?

I, for example, just had one. Someone told me that at the beginning of the relationship he found me annoying and wanted me to shut up as soon as possible. Even though now I am very close with this person, this remark sits very much in my mind and I feel like going back to self harm again, or just using SN

 

[stuckinfiction]

The thought about work, how I will need to work for the rest of my life 5 days a week, put up a front to look "normal" when I'm not feeling fine at all.

The thought about how fucked my childhood has been. It should have been the best phase that people look back on where they had no responsibilities but all I had was dread and memories of abusive parents.

The thought that my mental and physical health is deteriorating. Nothing is gonna get better, it's all down hill.

 

[FuneralCry]

Yes especially as I find existing to be such a burden and a chore, I'm not meant for existing and I don't see existence as being desirable either. Just the feeling that I'm trapped inside a decaying flesh prison is enough to me want to die.

 

[BananiFatFat]

When people make fun of how I mispronounce words and correct me. It makes me feel so stupid and I want to die every time.

 

[Amlg]

Sometimes I feel like we're alive for too long in this modern age, whereas maybe disease or other factors that resulted in a shorter life expectancy in the past, now we have too much time to think.
When you don't have a partner, kids, no career, no prospects, and a bunch of mental health issues - What incentive is there to keep carrying on?
I think hope was a distant mirage that kept me going, maybe it would come back who knows, but for now it's gone.
Becoming homeless and the prospect of ending up on the streets when my cabs runs out has extinguished the little flame of hope.

I just wish I had the guts to go through with it and wasn't so squeamish, and wasn't such a coward.
I'm still in search of the 'peaceful', 'painless' methods.

 

[Amlg]

Meant to say *cash not cabs