Life Sentence

[just_a_guy]

I know a lot of people here have some kind of plan to ctb in the near future, I don't have that. I think about suicide through the day, even sometimes when things are going well but i have to be there for my son so going through with ctb isn't an option. I know that it is technically an option but it's not one I can consider when thinking that I'll be abandoning him.

So, people who are sticking around with no current plans to ctb, how do you cope, how do you find joy (if you do)? Like the title suggests, the commitment to stay alive under the constraints of seeing reality differently to the average person, and thinking about ctb, feels like a life sentence. I'm struggling to motivate myself to do the smallest things so I'd like to know how you do it.

 

[Sleeper System]

It's cliche but you have to take it one day at a time.
There are things that you have to do and things that you chose to do.
Work for example. When you're there, focus on the job. That will take up 8-10 hours of your life.
What you do after that is the hard part. Some people have kids like yourself so that means having to be a parent. That throws things off a bit so it's hard to keep a set routine sometimes. Try to find some you time in between. Then 8 hours of sleep. That makes up the day.

Try to set some type of achievable goals for yourself. Things that a person who wants to live would care about. This is personal based on individual interest. But the common ones are, save money, work on your credit score, buy certain things to make life comfortable like a car or stuff for your home. Make time for taking your kid places. Visit family. Set appointments for things. Etc

Having a hobby helps too.

None of these things will be fun or joyful or make you happy if you have ctb constantly in the back of your mind like most of us do. It will just kill time and be a productive life journey. You're just trying to keep so busy that you don't have time to really sit and think about ctb.

I have been doing this for many years and although I still want to ctb i'm not in a position to do so with a clear conscious yet so I wat it out and do what im supposed to do as a regular person.

 

[just_a_guy]

It's cliche but you have to take it one day at a time.
There are things that you have to do and things that you chose to do.
Work for example. When you're there, focus on the job. That will take up 8-10 hours of your life.
What you do after that is the hard part. Some people have kids like yourself so that means having to be a parent. That throws things off a bit so it's hard to keep a set routine sometimes. Try to find some you time in between. Then 8 hours of sleep. That makes up the day.

Try to set some type of achievable goals for yourself. Things that a person who wants to live would care about. This is personal based on individual interest. But the common ones are, save money, work on your credit score, buy certain things to make life comfortable like a car or stuff for your home. Make time for taking your kid places. Visit family. Set appointments for things. Etc

Having a hobby helps too.

None of these things will be fun or joyful or make you happy if you have ctb constantly in the back of your mind like most of us do. It will just kill time and be a productive life journey. You're just trying to keep so busy that you don't have time to really sit and think about ctb.

I have been doing this for many years and although I still want to ctb i'm not in a position to do so with a clear conscious yet so I wat it out and do what im supposed to do as a regular person.

Thanks, that makes sense. I guess the part I'm struggling with is caring about things and motivation

 

[Forever Sleep]

I admire you for holding on for your son. I agree though- it is so hard living purely for others. I'm really struggling too.

For me, it's mainly a case of doing the things I really don't want to do because I know the consequences of not doing them will be so much worse. I don't know how long I'm going to be stuck here for. I'm waiting for my Dad to go first. But yeah- job hunting, house work, tax return, dental appointments, boiler service, if I get a job, actually doing it. Everything ahead of me I feel like I pretty much detest. I agree. It's so hard to find the motivation to do it. At the moment, I'm literally doing tiny amounts and then coming on here or watching YouTube etc. Kind of bribing myself through with music and films and soft drinks.

Not pleasant but I guess you could shame yourself into doing things. That actually is the most effective for me- although- unpleasant. So- I don't want people to see the place in such a mess. I don't want people to judge me because I'm not working. For you, I guess you could be thinking that about your son. That you're basically doing these things to set a good example in a way and caring for him the best you can.

Some of it is doing things I don't like but I know will help me to feel more motivated in general. I'm trying to exercise again because I know part of why I'm so lethargic is because I have become so unfit. I do hate it but I know it's for the greater good. Same with diet. I'm making a small effort to eat healthier.

 

[just_a_guy]

I admire you for holding on for your son. I agree though- it is so hard living purely for others. I'm really struggling too.

For me, it's mainly a case of doing the things I really don't want to do because I know the consequences of not doing them will be so much worse. I don't know how long I'm going to be stuck here for. I'm waiting for my Dad to go first. But yeah- job hunting, house work, tax return, dental appointments, boiler service, if I get a job, actually doing it. Everything ahead of me I feel like I pretty much detest. I agree. It's so hard to find the motivation to do it. At the moment, I'm literally doing tiny amounts and then coming on here or watching YouTube etc. Kind of bribing myself through with music and films and soft drinks.

Not pleasant but I guess you could shame yourself into doing things. That actually is the most effective for me- although- unpleasant. So- I don't want people to see the place in such a mess. I don't want people to judge me because I'm not working. For you, I guess you could be thinking that about your son. That you're basically doing these things to set a good example in a way and caring for him the best you can.

Some of it is doing things I don't like but I know will help me to feel more motivated in general. I'm trying to exercise again because I know part of why I'm so lethargic is because I have become so unfit. I do hate it but I know it's for the greater good. Same with diet. I'm making a small effort to eat healthier.

Thanks, I think doing it to set a good example for my son is a great point. I lose sight of that sometimes through the dark times

 

[Sleeper System]

I admire you for holding on for your son. I agree though- it is so hard living purely for others. I'm really struggling too.

For me, it's mainly a case of doing the things I really don't want to do because I know the consequences of not doing them will be so much worse. I don't know how long I'm going to be stuck here for. I'm waiting for my Dad to go first. But yeah- job hunting, house work, tax return, dental appointments, boiler service, if I get a job, actually doing it. Everything ahead of me I feel like I pretty much detest. I agree. It's so hard to find the motivation to do it. At the moment, I'm literally doing tiny amounts and then coming on here or watching YouTube etc. Kind of bribing myself through with music and films and soft drinks.

Not pleasant but I guess you could shame yourself into doing things. That actually is the most effective for me- although- unpleasant. So- I don't want people to see the place in such a mess. I don't want people to judge me because I'm not working. For you, I guess you could be thinking that about your son. That you're basically doing these things to set a good example in a way and caring for him the best you can.

Some of it is doing things I don't like but I know will help me to feel more motivated in general. I'm trying to exercise again because I know part of why I'm so lethargic is because I have become so unfit. I do hate it but I know it's for the greater good. Same with diet. I'm making a small effort to eat healthier.

It's kind of crazy that we're living the exact same life. Word for word.
I just work and go home. I rarely change routine.
Don't feel like im getting anywhere. Just waiting to die.
Doing just enough to not put myself in a worse situation. Smh.

You'll never really care about anything. If you do it's really just surface level.
You have to find your own motivation. Mine is just being comfortable.
It doesn't take much but it's enough for now. Gotta enjoy this because It wont last forvever.