Venting Life isn't fair, usually because other people make it unfair, but sometimes it's just unfair no matter what

[Aunty_Seuss]

I grew up in a dysfunctional household, absent dad, mum was physically abusive, these things made life harder as a result of their doing. Now I'm diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis and schizophrenia, two heavy hitters that weren't a result of anybody's doing, just my bad luck and nothing more. I thought after escaping my mum's house, that I would have a better life, but no, it's pretty much the same (if not worse) because of these illnesses. Every day is an immense struggle, I hate living on my own so much, I feel like I deserve a happy ending to all this bullshit, but I know that's not going to happen, I want to live comfortably, with a job I don't hate, and maybe live with somebody I can share company with, but that's a far cry, it's too fucking unrealistic nowadays. I think I'm gonna end up homeless eventually, sleeping under a bridge and wondering how it all went wrong, I've lost my will to get out of bed every morning and tackle the day, I just can't put up with the pain anymore, I want to CTB but it's far too fucking scary to think about, I get struck with this awful feeling I can't describe when I think about it, but I can't put up with this pain any longer.

 

[LakeMungoGirl]

Feel this. :( like you I come from an abusive background, and despite how long I've had to mull over my inevitable circumstances and the lifelong consequences of being a victim of covert childhood abuse, it's still incredibly difficult to accept this is just the way it is.

I'm not sure if you're into movies, and I hope this isn't a strange suggestion, but the film No Country for Old Men has helped me come to terms with the unfairness of life a little more than I used to be. The world and the people in it are merciless and chaotic; it doesn't mean you deserved anything that happened to you, it's just the way it is.

I know that's not the answer we want. I know we all want justice. But unfortunately for many of us, justice will never come. I'm sorry your life has brought you here, but I certainly hope you don't blame yourself.

You had no control over who you were born to. It was their responsibility to protect you, and they failed. I'm so sorry.

"He shook his head. You're asking that I make myself vulnerable and that I can never do. I have only one way to live. It doesn't allow for special cases. A coin toss perhaps. In this case to small purpose. Most people don't believe that there can be such a person. You see what a problem that must be for them. How to prevail over that which you refuse to acknowledge the existence of. Do you understand? When I came into your life your life was over. It had a beginning, a middle, and an end. This is the end. You can say that things could have turned out differently. That there could have been some other way. But what does that mean? They are not some other way. They are this way. You're asking that I second say the world. Do you see?

Yes, she said sobbing. I do. I truly do.

Good, he said. That's good. Then he shot her."

 

[Aunty_Seuss]

I've seen

Feel this. :( like you I come from an abusive background, and despite how long I've had to mull over my inevitable circumstances and the lifelong consequences of being a victim of covert childhood abuse, it's still incredibly difficult to accept this is just the way it is.

I'm not sure if you're into movies, and I hope this isn't a strange suggestion, but the film No Country for Old Men has helped me come to terms with the unfairness of life a little more than I used to be. The world and the people in it are merciless and chaotic; it doesn't mean you deserved anything that happened to you, it's just the way it is.

I know that's not the answer we want. I know we all want justice. But unfortunately for many of us, justice will never come. I'm sorry your life has brought you here, but I certainly hope you don't blame yourself.

You had no control over who you were born to. It was their responsibility to protect you, and they failed. I'm so sorry.

"He shook his head. You're asking that I make myself vulnerable and that I can never do. I have only one way to live. It doesn't allow for special cases. A coin toss perhaps. In this case to small purpose. Most people don't believe that there can be such a person. You see what a problem that must be for them. How to prevail over that which you refuse to acknowledge the existence of. Do you understand? When I came into your life your life was over. It had a beginning, a middle, and an end. This is the end. You can say that things could have turned out differently. That there could have been some other way. But what does that mean? They are not some other way. They are this way. You're asking that I second say the world. Do you see?

Yes, she said sobbing. I do. I truly do.

Good, he said. That's good. Then he shot her."

I try not to blame myself, but there's nowhere else to direct my anger towards, it just accumulates in SH because there is no other way I can cope with my shit life. I've seen that movie not too long ago, it's kind of weird in a sense because I see the chaos and violence depicted in that movie as being very far away from my own world, but I guess in a lot of ways it mirrors my own experience and many others. I feel like I'm nearing the end, everything before me has already happened and nothing will change that, and it will ultimately lead me to make my final decision to CTB, whether that's tomorrow or next year, it will probably happen.

 

[LakeMungoGirl]

I've seen

I try not to blame myself, but there's nowhere else to direct my anger towards, it just accumulates in SH because there is no other way I can cope with my shit life. I've seen that movie not too long ago, it's kind of weird in a sense because I see the chaos and violence depicted in that movie as being very far away from my own world, but I guess in a lot of ways it mirrors my own experience and many others. I feel like I'm nearing the end, everything before me has already happened and nothing will change that, and it will ultimately lead me to make my final decision to CTB, whether that's tomorrow or next year, it will probably happen.

I understand. I truly hope that you are able to find peace in whatever you choose to do. I'm sorry you aren't given an easier way to CTB (or as I assume, since you are on this forum), as everyone deserves to die peacefully and with dignity.