Life is becoming more and more unbearable

[thaelyana]

Life is closing in on me, and I can't hold on to anything anymore. I'm hanging from a curtain that's slowly tearing beneath my fingers, ready to let go at any moment. I'm suffocating, drowning inside my own home. I'm sinking under the overwhelming weight of my entire life.

I want to die. I envy those who managed to leave, those who left quickly, on a whim, in a sudden moment. Those who had the strength, the luck, or the silence to go without regret. Those who have nothing to fear after they're gone, who found the peace I'm desperately searching for. I watch gore, videos, testimonials anything about suicide. I read every thread about SN, trying to find the seller, the way, but nothing. All this in a desperate hope to understand how to do like them, without risk, and most of all, how to finally escape this shitty life

This death has become a strange fantasy, an obsession that haunts me day and night. I put myself in the place of all those people in the videos, those who suffer to die. I dream of being pushed, of having this weight taken from me, of everything ending suddenly and violently. But here I am, stuck, with this burning desire and this cruel lack of time. I envy all those who managed to leave.

I'm just a poor girl, not brave enough to die. I wish I could find that courage somewhere.

 

[TBONTB]

Life is closing in on me, and I can't hold on to anything anymore. I'm hanging from a curtain that's slowly tearing beneath my fingers, ready to let go at any moment. I'm suffocating, drowning inside my own home. I'm sinking under the overwhelming weight of my entire life.

I want to die. I envy those who managed to leave, those who left quickly, on a whim, in a sudden moment. Those who had the strength, the luck, or the silence to go without regret. Those who have nothing to fear after they're gone, who found the peace I'm desperately searching for. I watch gore, videos, testimonials anything about suicide. I read every thread about SN, trying to find the seller, the way, but nothing. All this in a desperate hope to understand how to do like them, without risk, and most of all, how to finally escape this shitty life

This death has become a strange fantasy, an obsession that haunts me day and night. I put myself in the place of all those people in the videos, those who suffer to die. I dream of being pushed, of having this weight taken from me, of everything ending suddenly and violently. But here I am, stuck, with this burning desire and this cruel lack of time. I envy all those who managed to leave.

I'm just a poor girl, not brave enough to die. I wish I could find that courage somewhere.

I get you. And when you hear someone was killed...an auto accident, a shooting do you think "lucky them"? And then realize just how odd that is? I do.

I also recognized on myself the strange obsession with suicide as a"hobby" . I kind of know this isn't helping me and I should try to distance from it. But the pill is strong.

I hope you find some relief. I hope we both do.

 

[thaelyana]

I get you. And when you hear someone was killed...an auto accident, a shooting do you think "lucky them"? And then realize just how odd that is? I do.

Yes! I think they were lucky. That I would gladly give my place. I fantasize about the idea that I can be killed, that I am in a place at the wrong time. Killing myself is one more weight in this shitty life.

I also recognized on myself the strange obsession with suicide as a"hobby" . I kind of know this isn't helping me and I should try to distance from it

We become addicted, we fantasize about what we haven't done yet, about what we can't do. This life is mediocre. I like to feel bad, I love pain and I hope that one day I will feel one so big that I would enjoy committing suicide.

 

[TBONTB]

Yes! I think they were lucky. That I would gladly give my place. I fantasize about the idea that I can be killed, that I am in a place at the wrong time. Killing myself is one more weight in this shitty life.

We become addicted, we fantasize about what we haven't done yet, about what we can't do. This life is mediocre. I like to feel bad, I love pain and I hope that one day I will feel one so big that I would enjoy committing suicide.

So much fantasizing about things that could have happened. While my world closes in around me and I struggle to get out.

 

[thaelyana]

So much fantasizing about things that could have happened. While my world closes in around me and I struggle to get out.

Exactly that.. That's totally it. The world that closes, we can't breathe, we are stuck and condemned to stay in it unless we finish it ourselves.

Thank you.