Story Life has ground to a stop

[Bunnybrains]

I have been sick for a few days. I think lately- everything has felt so empty? Like maybe im dead and this is the nightmare im stuck in as punishment.

I got a bill today that bounced off my account that has cents... because my nutritionist says my insurance isnt valid snd its not because im stupid and didnt sign up??? I've never done this before i feel like im drowing with nothing or no-one to hold onto. From tye second it happened all rarional thought went out the window and all i can think about is how quick can i b3 dead- even if theres so much left for me to do. I dont have money for charcoal and i need to pawn some stuff on tuesday- but its the desperation, the need to stop ruining everything i touch. I havent seen someone who isnt family in weeks. I cant even go outside anymore. I want to try something else, i wanna buy gifts for people before i go, i wanna go to summer camp but i cant stand to spend the little bit of money i have in case i dont actually ctb and find myself stuck in a worst kind of hell.


I feel like i cant even tolerate one more second- but im incapable so im posting this rambling in recovery hehe- if anyone knows ways to make these seconds easier holler? I suppose its just nice to feel like someone might understand

 

[LoiteringClouds]

I have been sick for a few days. I think lately- everything has felt so empty? Like maybe im dead and this is the nightmare im stuck in as punishment.

I got a bill today that bounced off my account that has cents... because my nutritionist says my insurance isnt valid snd its not because im stupid and didnt sign up??? I've never done this before i feel like im drowing with nothing or no-one to hold onto. From tye second it happened all rarional thought went out the window and all i can think about is how quick can i b3 dead- even if theres so much left for me to do. I dont have money for charcoal and i need to pawn some stuff on tuesday- but its the desperation, the need to stop ruining everything i touch. I havent seen someone who isnt family in weeks. I cant even go outside anymore. I want to try something else, i wanna buy gifts for people before i go, i wanna go to summer camp but i cant stand to spend the little bit of money i have in case i dont actually ctb and find myself stuck in a worst kind of hell.


I feel like i cant even tolerate one more second- but im incapable so im posting this rambling in recovery hehe- if anyone knows ways to make these seconds easier holler? I suppose its just nice to feel like someone might understand

Hello @bunny.boy.,
Lack of money is terrifying.
It takes away all your joy
And you might not be able to keep trying.

But you seems to be a person of action,
As you are on Recovery section.
May your sickness go away
And may you make your way.

You seems to have a lot of challenge in your view.
I feel like your sanity is untenable,
But you are bearing the unbearable.
If I met you in person, I would salute you.


Sorry I couldn't find any useful advice for you for now, as making money is hard...
I thought a bit of positivity is allowed here in Recovery section, but if I'm misunderstanding or offending you, please let me know

May you beat fear and your view will be clear