CountingSeconds
Trying
- Mar 1, 2024
- 30
Hello all. I'm not sure if anyone will read this, but I'm here and we know what that means.
I'm in my thirties, and I'm alone. I've had friends and lost them. Lately, the past year or so, I've pushed everyone away. I've given away possessions, spent money I don't have, and drank excessively chasing a heart attack. But I need more control over my fate and I don't think there is anywhere else that gets that.
I was here last year when things were bad, but now they are beyond recovery. I fell in love with a girl who promised me the world and then burned it to the ground. We planned a future and now she's pregnant with someone else's child and I can't face watching that. Knowing we talked about what our kids would be like and how wonderful they would be.
It's not her fault, of course. She's happy now and that's the main thing. But every time I feel like I could be happy it's just taken away and I can never get over it. Torment just follows me, and I think about everything all the time. The world wasn't made for me. I can't function like everyone else. I don't belong and it's my choice if I decide tomorrow isn't worth it.
Thanks for reading, if you did. I'll be here a little while, and then hopefully one day I won't log in anymore.
I'm in my thirties, and I'm alone. I've had friends and lost them. Lately, the past year or so, I've pushed everyone away. I've given away possessions, spent money I don't have, and drank excessively chasing a heart attack. But I need more control over my fate and I don't think there is anywhere else that gets that.
I was here last year when things were bad, but now they are beyond recovery. I fell in love with a girl who promised me the world and then burned it to the ground. We planned a future and now she's pregnant with someone else's child and I can't face watching that. Knowing we talked about what our kids would be like and how wonderful they would be.
It's not her fault, of course. She's happy now and that's the main thing. But every time I feel like I could be happy it's just taken away and I can never get over it. Torment just follows me, and I think about everything all the time. The world wasn't made for me. I can't function like everyone else. I don't belong and it's my choice if I decide tomorrow isn't worth it.
Thanks for reading, if you did. I'll be here a little while, and then hopefully one day I won't log in anymore.
But welcome here to say! A place to share your thoughts and hopefully fiend some solace 
