Venting life feels like a chore and I'm sick of it!

[secondfox2003]

i shouldn't be depressed with the life that i've got because i get to leech off my family more than i deserve to, don't have to worry about rent or food or anything at the age of 22 but none of that seems to matter tho

i'm just a lazy bum who can't bring herself to do anything productive, rotting away in my room having no irl friends connections or a job just gaming all day or doing other pointless shit, i just failed uni as well for that reason and my whole family thinks i'm worthless and incapable of anything now

i have no passion to do anything or motivation to better myself because i don't even want to live man, i feel like i'm forced to be alive, i feel like i do things like eat and sleep out of obligation more than actual will, people love to tell me that i'm not worthless but nobody can name any worth i've actually got, i already have to leech a shit ton of money from my parents for a psychiatrist and ritalin but it barely even helps me be productive or concentrate, grew up my whole life totally definitely not having adhd until the shitty coping mechanisms caught up to me and all of a sudden i'm overwhelmed and incapable of anything

fuck my life sooooooo hard, i wish i had the bravery to kill myself or at least sh to relieve some of the pain but i know my family would breathe down my neck for it because they have their own ideas of what's wrong with me and none of them are right :D

 

[meowpuppy]

please don't sh it's just not worth it.. though i am one to talk since i'm maybe probably going to sh soon.. just, don't, please.. you said it yourself, your family would be mad..

as for the rest, it's 100% relatable. i don't believe i'm worthless per se, because i think even a rock has some worth, but i have no worth in the eyes of modern society because i'm unemployable and unproductive. i think people like us have to just find friends that are okay with us being dependent on them, or, alternatively, we just.. die, i guess.

 

[secondfox2003]

please don't sh it's just not worth it.. though i am one to talk since i'm maybe probably going to sh soon.. just, don't, please.. you said it yourself, your family would be mad..

as for the rest, it's 100% relatable. i don't believe i'm worthless per se, because i think even a rock has some worth, but i have no worth in the eyes of modern society because i'm unemployable and unproductive. i think people like us have to just find friends that are okay with us being dependent on them, or, alternatively, we just.. die, i guess.

like i wanna believe that there is some sort of something, anything about me that i can be happy about or proud of but all of it feels trivial or impossible, i find it impossible to buy into the whole "be proud that you made your bed/brushed your teeth!" stuff because i know nobody else would be proud of me for it and i probably would not be proud of them either, same stuff with the "omg i'm so proud of you for making it through today and being alive"

it all feels delusional and it sucks that i will always disappoint someone based on how i go about this kind of worldview, i wish i was driven by anger or guilt instead of shame because shame feels like the thing that truly chains you down the hardest

 

[meowpuppy]

like i wanna believe that there is some sort of something, anything about me that i can be happy about or proud of but all of it feels trivial or impossible, i find it impossible to buy into the whole "be proud that you made your bed/brushed your teeth!" stuff because i know nobody else would be proud of me for it and i probably would not be proud of them either, same stuff with the "omg i'm so proud of you for making it through today and being alive"

it all feels delusional and it sucks that i will always disappoint someone based on how i go about this kind of worldview, i wish i was driven by anger or guilt instead of shame because shame feels like the thing that truly chains you down the hardest

100% relate.. it's all so performative and fake, and all it does is make me sick because that's literally the only thing they find good about me to compliment me for. yeah, like, not any of the other stuff i do, the fact that i have continued to live, which is a surprisingly easy thing to do

 

[secondfox2003]

100% relate.. it's all so performative and fake, and all it does is make me sick because that's literally the only thing they find good about me to compliment me for. yeah, like, not any of the other stuff i do, the fact that i have continued to live, which is a surprisingly easy thing to do

right??? like the worst feeling ever is when you ask someone what they like about you and you just get "you're cool" or "you're fun"

like honestly literally anything that would define me as a person but nope, i'm only kept around for seniority

 

[meowpuppy]

right??? like the worst feeling ever is when you ask someone what they like about you and you just get "you're cool" or "you're fun"

like honestly literally anything that would define me as a person but nope, i'm only kept around for seniority

yeah, im sorry to derail but oh my gosh if people would stop calling me cool

im literally explicitly anti-cool

if anybody got to know me they would understand how i actually don't want to be cool

but its just all cool.. everything about me is just, cool..