Venting Let Me Out Already, Damn It!

[CentreMid]

Currently trying to distract myself from what's happened over the past few days. It's the only thing I can really do at ths point. I'm in constant fear that my relationship is over despite my partner telling me it's not. I don't know if I can trust her anymore which absolutely breaks my heart. I want her and I to make it, but I don't feel like I can be around her without something going wrong. Money is running low despite the request for more hours at work (my job has a seniority-based system, and I've only been there for over a year so it's unlikely I'll get anything). Also looking for full-time employment, but nobody will take me. Companies love to complain about being short-staffed yet refuse to hire anyone.

Emotions are down in the gutter, urges to sh are high, urges to ctb are also high. I've re-practiced hanging a few times recently and have gotten my "goove" back (for lack of better words) and I'm no longer rusty at it. I feel confident in pulling it off now. The only problem is SI. I ran out of booze over the weekend but I'm trying to stay budget consious which unfortunately means no more alcohol for the forseeable future. I could ask for some from a friend but I don't want to mooch off of them. Feeling stuck and very, very frustrated.

I just want out god damn it.

 

[SilentSadness]

Life does certainly love to torture us, what you're experiencing is no exception. Having a negative relationship is definitely a valid form of suffering and I hope it improves for you. As for wanting a way out, unfortunately I don't think many of us will get a satisfactory ctb method for decades to come, because blinded people who love to look down on others keep restricting methods.

 

[FuneralCry]

That does sound really tiring what you have to go through and it's just so awful how life can very easily get much worse and torment us with endless problems. It's very much understandable wishing to finally be free from it all, I hate how we exist in a world where it's this difficult to finally die, it's like the survival instinct exists to prolong suffering but anyway I wish you the best.

 

[voc_89]

the ending of a relationship can grealty magnify our own insecurities. It makes me feel particularly like what my 'step-moms' said about no one being able to love me was all true. That I would continue to amount to nothing. Its hard. One thing I did realise is often I idiealised the person who I was with. And when i took their flaws into account I was really the one who was receiving a rough deal