Last thought before CTB attempt

[lkjhgfdsa1]

please share your last thought before you tried to CTB
(and ultimately failed—cuz ur here)

I'm really curious as to what you are/were thinking at that time

 

[Mi Mi]

please share your last thought before you tried to CTB
(and ultimately failed—cuz ur here)

I'm really curious as to what you are/were thinking at that time

I don't remember really
I know I felt sad and scared
But I felt a need to prove I'm not a punk
I remember pouring antifreeze and ginger ale in a cup
I drank as much as I could
The taste was weird and it felt thick
I gagged a bit trying to gulp down more
I poured the rest out
I took the antifreeze bottle and took it to the dumpster
I wondered if the security camera by the dumpster would be my last image
I went back in and went to bed as normal
Waking up off and on till the late afternoon where eventually I gave in and got help

 

[DeIetedUser4739]

I've made a few serious attempts and I didn't think anything except I hope it kills me, I wish I still felt that way instead now I keep thinking what will happen if it doesn't kill me?

 

[ThisIsMe1357]

I tried not to eat and drink anything for as long as possible while being away. I managed to do so for a week before police found me. Absolutely nothing happened to me during that time. But because it was such a long time, I thought about possibly everything including all past events of my life.

 

[notevenhere]

if you're talking about during the act of catching the bus, my head is empty because im focused on the task at hand.

before that, it's a spiral of some sort or a mental breakdown about a particular trigger because most of my attempts at impulsive after being exposed to a trigger and I'd be really reckless about my method. it's not selfharming or just an attempt because i do cut regularly. this is with the intent of cutting my emotions off by simply being gone. it's impulsive but i always find tools to attempt, albeit the ineffectiveness.

i normally thought about how much i love the person im killing myself for (im borderline, so it always feels dramatic like that) how unlovable i am and I'll die alone how nobody can stand me and I'm killing myself to ease everyone's burden of me. i can't call anyone to talk me out of it because i usually do it during the day when everyone's busy.