chernobylmosqut
Member
- Nov 12, 2025
- 16
I'm bringing this up because I'm so sick of people being patronizing (not on this site!) about my decision. I recognize, respect, and mourn those of us that feel they have no future ahead of themselves. I've been there before and I know how all of you feel. But the amount of people that assume I see no future ahead of myself and then start lecturing me and being patronizing is sickening.
Truthfully, I'm a couple years away from starting my PhD at Harvard. It's a full ride, too, since it's a STEM degree. I have no doubt in my mind that there would have been a chance of acceptance, graduation, and achieving my dream job. Not a huge chance, mind you, but a chance nonetheless. The problem is that's years of suffering away. I'm simply just not strong enough to see it through.
And that's another thing that people talk down to me about. They'll tell me I'm strong for driving across the country and living in my car. They'll tell me I'm strong for surviving an abusive childhood and years upon years of homelessness after. But I don't see it as survival and I've never been strong. My other option was dying and failed attempts don't make me strong. I won't ever be strong enough to see my goals through, and I've made my peace with that. I just wish others could make their peace with it, too. Not everyone is built to endure suffering. It would mean the world if people recognize that instead of spitting the same quotes they saw on a poster on their therapists' walls.
Truthfully, I'm a couple years away from starting my PhD at Harvard. It's a full ride, too, since it's a STEM degree. I have no doubt in my mind that there would have been a chance of acceptance, graduation, and achieving my dream job. Not a huge chance, mind you, but a chance nonetheless. The problem is that's years of suffering away. I'm simply just not strong enough to see it through.
And that's another thing that people talk down to me about. They'll tell me I'm strong for driving across the country and living in my car. They'll tell me I'm strong for surviving an abusive childhood and years upon years of homelessness after. But I don't see it as survival and I've never been strong. My other option was dying and failed attempts don't make me strong. I won't ever be strong enough to see my goals through, and I've made my peace with that. I just wish others could make their peace with it, too. Not everyone is built to endure suffering. It would mean the world if people recognize that instead of spitting the same quotes they saw on a poster on their therapists' walls.
