Venting knowing what i need to do to change just makes me hate myself even more

[Leonard_Bangley39]

i don't know how to get myself out of this cycle. I'm pathetic, worthless, disgusting. i just want to stop thinking about anything anymore. everytime i think of myself, it just makes me feel worse. everyone i try to acknowledge and face what's wrong with me, it just makes me feel worse. too the point where i know what's wrong what what i have to do to try and change, but i just can't do anything because the second i start thinking about it my hated for myself overpowers everything else and leaves me crippled. i just want these feelings to stop already. i want to change, i want to be happy. not just happy in the moment like when I'm distracted playing a game it something, but actually happy. i want to talk with people, build connections, relations, social skills, but every time i try, i just end up hating myself even more because I'm not as well adjusted as everyone else. i fucking hate this. i just want to either be normal or be dead

 

[deeprootdisease]

maybe you're being too harsh on yourself, you're not as bad as you think you are. change can be really hard, but maybe conquering small achievements you can then make it big! grain by grain, the hen fills her crop