mutilated body
New Member
- Jul 1, 2026
- 4
I can't bear this agony any longer. I've purchased the rope and have read multiple posts for months now and I plan on CTB this week. Before the Kenalog injection overdose, I was genuinely happy. I was healthy, active, outgoing, financially comfortable, had a job I loved, friends I had known for decades, and a family who loved me. Since the injection, I feel like that person has completely disappeared. I have this constant internal deep sunburn feeling that radiates from my hands, face, and scalp. My face has drastically changed, I look like I'm dying even though I haven't lost any weight. The fat pads under eyes, temples and cheeks are completely gone. I lost so much hair from my head, along with my eyelashes and eyebrows. My scalp has thinned so much that I can't comfortably wear my glasses, sunglasses, or hats. My hands and toes look skeletal. My skin feels like it has detached from my body, it's no longer tethered to my body. I haven't ovulated since the injection and believe permanent damage was caused to my reproductive organs. But honestly, the physical changes are only part of the nightmare. The depression and anxiety are unbearable. I grieve every single day. I literally fall to my knees crying. From the second I wake up, I am in agony because I know this is my reality now. I don't see my friends anymore. I stopped going to family gatherings. I can't stand people looking at me because I don't recognize myself. I've been hospitalized. I see a psychiatrist. I've researched assisted dying agencies because I have reached a point where I don't know how I am supposed to live with this for the rest of my life. I never thought I would become someone who thinks about dying. I had everything. I had people who loved me, a job I loved, financial security, friends, my health, and a life I was content with. Now I feel like I've lost all of it. The hardest part is remembering exactly who I was before this happened. I remember the person I was, and I miss her every single day. I would give anything to have my old life back. I don't want to be this person. I want to feel like myself again. I want to wake up one morning and not immediately feel devastated that I'm still living in this body and this life. All of this due to one doctor's mistake 15 months ago. It's unbearable. I used to believe in God, or at least in some kind of higher power and an afterlife. I don't anymore. I genuinely believe that when I die, there may be nothing. That has been incredibly difficult for me to come to terms with. I used to find comfort in believing there was something beyond this life, but I don't have that comfort anymore.
