Venting "just talk about it", they say

[thisIsNotEnough]

oh, alright, I'll talk to my therapist about it. that'll help, right?

(my session this week)

me: hey so my family isn't accepting of me being trans. I love them and I can't deal with them treating me this way so I'm feeling suicidal and cutting again for the first time in over a year

therapist: (mocking) you really want to kill yourself because of what your family thinks about your identity?

me: yes, why are you saying that like it's silly for me to feel that way?

therapist: because you want people who have abused you and made you feel rejected!

me: okay so? they're still my family and I love them and want them to be better for me

therapist: well you can get a found family and build strong friendships instead

me: it's not the same as an actual family. it won't change how I've been rejected by the only people expected to love me unconditionally

therapist: you're hurting yourself by having them in your life and trying to get them to accept you. cut them out

me: yeah I tried that and this feeling came back

therapist: okay well you need to make friends so you don't feel like you need your family anymore

me: it's not that easy. it's always going to hurt me

therapist: yeah well, everyone hurts

me: okay...

therapist: so what are we going to do to keep you from cutting this week?

me: well I can't promise anything lmao

therapist: well I need you to be honest and tell me if you do

me: I can't promise that

therapist: I can't continue this relationship if you won't be honest

me: okay then, I'll try my best.. see you next week I guess

but hey, at least they didn't get me involuntarily committed right? well, probably only because I didn't tell them that I'm actively planning and getting myself mentally closer to going through with it, and I already feel like my life is over at this point. sorry, I don't want to lose my human rights and potentially be discriminated against in an environment I can't leave, so I can't be completely honest. those places don't help unless you're impulsively suicidal and the feeling will pass with time, and even in those cases, it's still a traumatizing experience that already traumatized people are subjected to.

seriously, mental healthcare is such a joke. if you're suicidal your problems automatically become frivolous and not worth considering suicide over. like yeah, that approach makes sense when it comes to people who are suicidal temporarily after a breakup or whatever, but someone who is chronically suicidal shouldn't just be outright dismissed like that. "oh it's just your family not accepting you" when that's literally the highest predictor for a trans person killing themselves.

what happened to compassion? yeah I don't expect a therapist to say "yeah you're right you should kill yourself", but that doesn't mean they should act like my reasons aren't valid to be extremely distressed over when they are. if it actually was going to get better for me, then yeah of course suicide is silly. but it's not going to get better. I know it's not.

honestly thinking about stopping therapy so I can just let myself get closer and closer to suicide. at this point I don't think this pain will ever get easier to cope with, and I'm frankly just done hurting. it seems the mental health industry only exists to keep people alive, not to make them feel better, and that is shitty. why keep someone alive who is terminally mentally ill? we don't keep people who have no chance of getting better from a physical illness on life support against their will, right?

please world, just let me die. I don't want to do this anymore

 

[Vlad Tepes]

Had a similar experience. Cognitive behavioral therapy is a stain on humanity.

 

[Lamentice]

That therapist is entirely apathetic at this point if they didn't start their career like that anyway, worthless for their job. And to your point that mental healthcare only exists with the goal to keep people alive, yup that's exactly it, demoralized & defeated people are like freshly lubed cogs in the machine, perfect, ideal: just gotta make sure they also stay in the machine & can't exit it.

The mental healthcare world is also dominated by "normal" folk who have minimal or zero experience with long-term/chronic mental health issues & the impacts of severe trauma & abuse. They jUsT wAnNa HeLp pEoPlE, they experienced being sad once, now they're gonna be a savior! How noble, how virtuous, how cute; they'll help no one & will be adored while doing it.

 

[gunmetalblue]

Yeah so, if i'm being honest? That therapist is shit.

I'm sorry you have to go through with that. I'm trans too, my parents haven't been in my life for quite some time, but aren't accepting either. I have cut them off, but for entirely different reasons. And it isn't easy. And you are valid for trying, and feeling down that the people responsable for bringing you jnto this world. And that are supposed to be the only souls to love you unconditionally, don't live up to their emotional responsibilities in that regard.
You aren't foolish for wanting to keep contact, it's your choice. It's understandable. But don't let their rejection of you gender identity put you down, or hurt you too much either. I'd say find some balance in communication and maybe distance, but i don't know your situation or if that is possible.

I wish you all the best.