Sleep med is already trying to take me down but I don't want to fall asleep before at least sharing the important decision I made Today even if figuring out what to say about why has to wait a bit longer.
Today I made a very firm decision that May 7th I'm either going on vacation for my last goal / dream or I'm making another attempt.
I don't have a clue about after....
I guess it's just been rather rough.
Today was a really good day.
I felt a lot of relief telling my family about the vacation thing.
It was really hard and scary to tell them .
They took it a lot better than I expected.
And were actually supportive of me doing that.
We haven't been talking very much about anything.
Last time we "talked " was a fight that had me cutting and really wanting to die in the moment.
Yet despite it being such a good day Today.
I still felt lows . That feeling of I just wanna let go.
I guess that's part of why I've made this decision.
This gives yet another chance for things to get better and tells me how much Time I've got left if it goes badly. I think I do still hope it ends up being vacation. It would be a shame to get so close to what I've been holding onto for and miss it.
And you never know.
Last time I went here , did this , I learned if things were different I could learn to love life again, I wasn't anywhere near this tired then though, even so maybe it will still help me feel a lot better.
Help me shrug off / ignore all the reasons why just while I'm away.
If I make it on vacation of course.
If not then at least I can end the extra misery of failing to get what I want so close to the finish line.
Hmm , well looks like I did manage to finish writing before falling asleep.
Goodnight everyone.
I will check for replies Tomorrow.
Today I made a very firm decision that May 7th I'm either going on vacation for my last goal / dream or I'm making another attempt.
I don't have a clue about after....
I guess it's just been rather rough.
Today was a really good day.
I felt a lot of relief telling my family about the vacation thing.
It was really hard and scary to tell them .
They took it a lot better than I expected.
And were actually supportive of me doing that.
We haven't been talking very much about anything.
Last time we "talked " was a fight that had me cutting and really wanting to die in the moment.
Yet despite it being such a good day Today.
I still felt lows . That feeling of I just wanna let go.
I guess that's part of why I've made this decision.
This gives yet another chance for things to get better and tells me how much Time I've got left if it goes badly. I think I do still hope it ends up being vacation. It would be a shame to get so close to what I've been holding onto for and miss it.
And you never know.
Last time I went here , did this , I learned if things were different I could learn to love life again, I wasn't anywhere near this tired then though, even so maybe it will still help me feel a lot better.
Help me shrug off / ignore all the reasons why just while I'm away.
If I make it on vacation of course.
If not then at least I can end the extra misery of failing to get what I want so close to the finish line.
Hmm , well looks like I did manage to finish writing before falling asleep.
Goodnight everyone.
I will check for replies Tomorrow.
