Venting Just my thoughts

[Gloomislost]

I have a plan that on September 4th, I will be killing myself. But I keep getting stuff like "you should always seek for help" like just now, Angus (the actor who played Fez from Euphoria) recently died and now everyone is chanting to get help. What if I don't want it? My best friend fucking cuts himself because of me for "refusing to hang out with him" and hanging with someone else. I'm just so fucking tired and drained. School is stressful, my life is stressful, and my fucking friendships are stressful. At this point, I don't plan on turning back. I'll update on this topic when that date comes close.

 

[stillmirenai]

That's something that unfortunately a lot of people can't respect. They stubbornly insist that things can get better, and will stop at nothing to try to force you to accept that as fact.

As for your friend, I've honestly never heard of a situation like that. You're not selfish for wanting to hang out with someone else sometimes. He fails to understand that and takes it out on himself, for whatever reason. I get you might feel frustrated with him, and rightfully so, but I'd advise you exercise caution, as it could be a manipulation tactic.

Try to relax a little, as ridiculous as it sounds. If you're going to die anyway, you might as well take it easy, and not stress over the small stuff when it's not necessary.

 

[Gloomislost]

Yeah, you're right. I mean, I'm not exactly certain I'll go with it. I'm basically set on "if I can somehow find peace and genuinely try to be happy until September 4th, then I might not actually CTB" you know?

 

[stillmirenai]

Yeah, you're right. I mean, I'm not exactly certain I'll go with it. I'm basically set on "if I can somehow find peace and genuinely try to be happy until September 4th, then I might not actually CTB" you know?

It's that kind of dilemma that makes you figure yourself out, whether for good or for bad. I had a similar feeling, and I still do; although I don't have a suicide date, I just know I want to do it someday.

I guess all I can say is don't rush things, because while suicide is not a bad thing, it's not something you choose randomly, like throwing a dart on a dartboard or something. You should actually put a little thought into it, and make sure it's definitely what you want to do.

 

[FuneralCry]

I understand feeling so tired of suffering here, I cannot stand those pro-life people who refuse to accept suicide as a valid option and just repeat toxic positivity platitudes, invalidating the fact that there is endless amounts of suffering in this world, it isn't like any of us are obligated to continue existing here. But anyway best wishes.

 

[Gloomislost]

Right? Like all they do is chant "get help! Your life matters!" When they truly don't understand what's going on for me or others.