Just got wellness checked by police

[komakun]

Ok do not tell anybody, ESPECIALLY NOT your ex, that you're gonna ctb under any circumstances. Idk why im being so stupid but I told my therapist mom dad and ex I was planning to kms soon over the last week . Idk like really idk it's not that I want somebody to stop me I just can't help myself from saying it when I'm serious but won't be making this mistake again. I guess nobody did anything after a month of me being like "I'm kms" so I thought I was immune

Anyway told ex if he wants the stuff he gave me back he can come get it after I die . Ik I'm terrible honestly idk why the fuck I even said that or why I keep contact with him. And mentioned earlier this week to him I ordered a lethal substance. So obviously he called 911 earlier this night and cops came and I was taken to a hospital. But they discharged me after speaking to me so I was only there a few hours. I was kind of honest about my situation but lied about any plans. I'm so happy they let me go because I have ocd and hospitals/wards make me want to die even more.

Also SO FUCKING SCARY the cops were searching my room [redacted :p]. Holy fuck. Sadly there's body cam footage w that lmfao and my pathetic anxious attempts at talking to them. After they came the first time they just left and then I got another buzz 5 mins later and the supervisor(?) was there and they took me in an ambulance. Everybody was super kind and chill though so im really thankful for that <3 also a giant cockroach ran into my apt while they were talking to me by the door. And my neighbors all know I'm a crazy bitch now. Truly horrific night

It really hurts that he doesn't even care and did this to me even though I'll never contact him again and am crazy idk. I blocked him so he emailed his last texts after getting me hospitalized and my contact name in his phone is just "nurse" which is a reference to me liking nurses but… feels so impersonal.

At least the doctor was like "idk man look where this relationship took you. caused him to lose his job and you ended up in a psych ward talking to me…." I'll just remember this moment anytime I feel like reaching out (I am fucking psycho why am I even like this)

Anyway 2nd time I got wellness checked and made it out without being admitted, but omg. Now my parents are forcing me to leave the city and move closer to them. Gonna go back to finish my shower and try to sleep this off. Kind of scared to even post this in case somebody is able to track me down but whatever …….. maybe including pic later after I make sure it's not traceable lol

 

[sadbh—itstimetogo🤎]

I understand how when you're very suicidal, you normalize it to the point of not bothering to hide it. But it also sounds like you learned your lesson and hopefully others learn from it too. Luckily this space exist, so you can talk freely here

 

[komakun]

I understand how when you're very suicidal, you normalize it to the point of not bothering to hide it. But it also sounds like you learned your lesson and hopefully others learn from it too. Luckily this space exist, so you can talk freely here

Yeah I am dumb as fuck for this ngl

 

[sadbh—itstimetogo🤎]

Yeah I am dumb as fuck for this ngl

It happens. Don't beat yourself up, I think a lot of people do the same thing. Now you know.

It is very unfortunate that suicide discussion basically has to go under ground, otherwise you get thrown in the loony bin.

 

[endlesschatter]

Holy cow.. I'm so sorry that you've had to go through wellness checks

 

[PeaceSeeker83]

I made it clear once or twice at start of the year my intentions but then I just shut up and will remain quiet. Glad I found this website.