Just drank SN

[FuneralCry]

Farewell, I hope that you found the freedom that you wish for.

 

[AliciaFox32]

Hi Alicia, I think I'm too new on the forum to be able to PM you. I keep getting an error message when I click on your username (or anyone else's). On the up side, you're not missing anything by way of SN info from me. Everything I know about SN comes from this forum (https://sanctioned-suicide.net/threads/sn-megathread.1156/).

I'm thinking of using SN as a backup to a bullet. It freaks me out that a bullet to the brain (even a large caliber bullet) isn't always enough. My best plan at the moment is

1. Swallow antacids, then SN (I'll encorporate the anti-emetics if I can get ahold of them)
2. Immediately after the SN, aim a hollow point bullet toward the lower back portion of the skull

The nice thing about the SN failure stories is that usually hospital staff tell the person that the SN would have killed them if they'd been left alone long enough. So I figure that even if the bullet isn't enough, the SN will push me over the edge. I want to 110% certain, lol. Also considering working in partial hanging and/or the night-night method. If you have the ability to send a pm, please feel free!

I think I'm also too new to send pms. I'm following Stan's guide that I found here. I can find it and send it to you, if you like? It's very thorough. I just don't have the anti nausea medication that is strong enough. I have the nausea pill for motion sickness but Stan said that doesn't work with SN. I'm trying to figure out how to get the stronger meds, I would need a prescription. I have a friend who's a doctor, I can possibly ask him but I'll have to be careful. Your plan sounds pretty good. Just a thought, are you not worried that the SN might make you feel uncomfortable/dopey and you may not be able to handle the gun? My biggest worries are that I'll get sick, someone will hear me and then realize what I'm doing. And I feel very guilty about leaving my family. What are your worries, if you have any, about ctb?

 

[theboy]

RIP

 

[AliciaFox32]

Hi Alicia, I think I'm too new on the forum to be able to PM you. I keep getting an error message when I click on your username (or anyone else's). On the up side, you're not missing anything by way of SN info from me. Everything I know about SN comes from this forum (https://sanctioned-suicide.net/threads/sn-megathread.1156/).

I'm thinking of using SN as a backup to a bullet. It freaks me out that a bullet to the brain (even a large caliber bullet) isn't always enough. My best plan at the moment is

1. Swallow antacids, then SN (I'll encorporate the anti-emetics if I can get ahold of them)
2. Immediately after the SN, aim a hollow point bullet toward the lower back portion of the skull

The nice thing about the SN failure stories is that usually hospital staff tell the person that the SN would have killed them if they'd been left alone long enough. So I figure that even if the bullet isn't enough, the SN will push me over the edge. I want to 110% certain, lol. Also considering working in partial hanging and/or the night-night method. If you have the ability to send a pm, please feel free!

I can't see my precious reply to you, I hope I didn't post it incorrectly. This is where I got all of my info: https://sanctioned-suicide.net/threads/stans-guide-to-sn.27535/

 

[actual_fox]

Goodbye! I wish you peace <3

 

[👁️👃👁️]

Because it's unsolicited and unsupportive. If you're gonna call yourself pro-choice then at least respect the choice made.

Bro you're trying to start a pointless argument for no reason with no intention behind it at all other than starting an argument. All they said was "it you regret your decision please call for help" how the fuck is that not being pro choice? He "respected" the choice made. There are many and many and many and many of other examples of users on here letting people know that if they change their mind they can call for help so I'd like you to go through every single thread of every single user and try to call them out for that. Including myself because I do the exact same thing.

Because it's unsolicited and unsupportive. If you're gonna call yourself pro-choice then at least respect the choice made.

Some of you really are pro-mortalist. It's like I really don't understand some of these people's intentions they sit around waiting on people to die and any sign least let them know they don't have to die at that moment or reminding them that if they change their mind that it's okay to call for help and you have a bunch of people on here getting mad and upset. Jodes2 never even told them that they had to change their mind. They told him if they change their mind please call for help. Get over yourself.
Anyway Alladin. Be at peace.

 

[AliceTheGoon]

Bro you're trying to start a pointless argument for no reason with no intention behind it at all other than starting an argument.

Not arguing at all. You asked a question and I answered it.

 

[👁️👃👁️]

Not arguing at all. You asked a question and I answered it.

Jodes2. Not me.

 

[Judy Garland]

I hope you are at peace now. How difficult life is that you have done what we all are setting out to do. I truly hope it was a painless transition to Home. Bless you.

 

[Betsy007]

I think I'm also too new to send pms. I'm following Stan's guide that I found here. I can find it and send it to you, if you like? It's very thorough. I just don't have the anti nausea medication that is strong enough. I have the nausea pill for motion sickness but Stan said that doesn't work with SN. I'm trying to figure out how to get the stronger meds, I would need a prescription. I have a friend who's a doctor, I can possibly ask him but I'll have to be careful. Your plan sounds pretty good. Just a thought, are you not worried that the SN might make you feel uncomfortable/dopey and you may not be able to handle the gun? My biggest worries are that I'll get sick, someone will hear me and then realize what I'm doing. And I feel very guilty about leaving my family. What are your worries, if you have any, about ctb?

I'm also following Stan's guide. Thanks for posting the link for me, I've got the page saved to my hard drive as a pdf just in case. I tried getting an anti-emetic online from a foreign pharmacy, but the payment method was kind of janky and it didn't end up going through. I'm glad, it was WAY over priced and I don't know... it's a little sketchy. But was just my first attempt at acquiring the medication. I would absolutely use my doctor friend if I were you. I liked Stan's advice about pretending you have migraines. You might say you get a migraine about once a year, and want the medication on hand just in case. What Stan said about this medication being commonplace and harmless is probably true - I once got an anti-emetic suppository by calling my doctor and telling her I couldn't keep anything down. She just phoned the prescription in to the pharmacy like it was nothing. I think the online pharmacies might work like online opticians used to... you tell them your prescription and your optometrist's phone number, they make a half-hearted attempt to verify by calling the number at 3 am, they assume it's good and fill the prescription. At least I hope that's the system.

I still need to take a closer look at the SN failure reports. It sounds like I'd have more than enough time to use a gun with a clear head, but I'm not 100% sure. I was planning to shoot directly after the SN anyway. It sounds like the norm to be able to swallow a second dose of SN if the first comes back up, but yeah, that doesn't necessarily translate into being able to handle a gun. I'm also thinking about using a shot gun, but that makes me extra nervous, probably because I've never handled one before. Then again, I love the additional certainty with that method.

If SN is your main method, I'd really consider working in partial hanging, maybe from a door knob. Ideally, you'd be sitting down, you'd nod off from the SN, slump over and cut off air and blood flow. But what with all the vomiting, who knows if that's realistic. SN and carbon monoxide/charcoal in a tent might make a good combination, but not if you're living with family.

I'm sorry to hear about your guilt concerning leaving your family. I know you already know this, but your pain matters too, and you've given this struggle your best shot. As for me, my biggest worry about ctb is failure. The thought of being left brain damaged is horrifying. That's why I'm doubling up on methods. Whatever comes after death is also worrying. I have the mental makeup of an atheist, but I've done too many psychedelics to believe that we truly die. If it's just oblivion, fantastic! But I have a Buddhist/Gnostic belief system that leads me to think I'll need to take action to avoid reincarnation. How about you? Any religious or spiritual beliefs?

 

[AliciaFox32]

I'm also following Stan's guide. Thanks for posting the link for me, I've got the page saved to my hard drive as a pdf just in case. I tried getting an anti-emetic online from a foreign pharmacy, but the payment method was kind of janky and it didn't end up going through. I'm glad, it was WAY over priced and I don't know... it's a little sketchy. But was just my first attempt at acquiring the medication. I would absolutely use my doctor friend if I were you. I liked Stan's advice about pretending you have migraines. You might say you get a migraine about once a year, and want the medication on hand just in case. What Stan said about this medication being commonplace and harmless is probably true - I once got an anti-emetic suppository by calling my doctor and telling her I couldn't keep anything down. She just phoned the prescription in to the pharmacy like it was nothing. I think the online pharmacies might work like online opticians used to... you tell them your prescription and your optometrist's phone number, they make a half-hearted attempt to verify by calling the number at 3 am, they assume it's good and fill the prescription. At least I hope that's the system.

I still need to take a closer look at the SN failure reports. It sounds like I'd have more than enough time to use a gun with a clear head, but I'm not 100% sure. I was planning to shoot directly after the SN anyway. It sounds like the norm to be able to swallow a second dose of SN if the first comes back up, but yeah, that doesn't necessarily translate into being able to handle a gun. I'm also thinking about using a shot gun, but that makes me extra nervous, probably because I've never handled one before. Then again, I love the additional certainty with that method.

If SN is your main method, I'd really consider working in partial hanging, maybe from a door knob. Ideally, you'd be sitting down, you'd nod off from the SN, slump over and cut off air and blood flow. But what with all the vomiting, who knows if that's realistic. SN and carbon monoxide/charcoal in a tent might make a good combination, but not if you're living with family.

I'm sorry to hear about your guilt concerning leaving your family. I know you already know this, but your pain matters too, and you've given this struggle your best shot. As for me, my biggest worry about ctb is failure. The thought of being left brain damaged is horrifying. That's why I'm doubling up on methods. Whatever comes after death is also worrying. I have the mental makeup of an atheist, but I've done too many psychedelics to believe that we truly die. If it's just oblivion, fantastic! But I have a Buddhist/Gnostic belief system that leads me to think I'll need to take action to avoid reincarnation. How about you? Any religious or spiritual beliefs?

Thank you for saying that my pain matters too. I've always felt so completely selfish because I want to end this suffering but ultimately I'll be bringing suffering on to my family. I guess that's a normal thought pattern for this kind of thing. I've put them through a lot.

I haven't thought about a backup method to be honest. I'm relying on the SN to be fatal enough where I don't need a backup strategy. You have a point though. What I like most about the SN method is that my family will find me peaceful and whole. There won't be any "mess" for them to make this any more traumatic. I know my Dad has a gun but I don't know where he keeps it. I've gotten a hold of it before, wanting to use it but my Mom found me writing a note before I did anything.

I think I will contact my doctor friend. He's written scripts for me before. Then I would have everything I would need to do it. My SN 99% purity arrived today. I had to buy so much So I'll have a lot left behind.

I too worry about where I would go afterwards. My wish would be that my soul lingers and I "watch" my loved ones from afar. A girl can dream. I was brought up catholic and believed in God for a long time. I gave my life but I started to have doubts at around 25. I realized you can't depend on anyone or anything, you've got to do it all yourself. And with that train of thinking I grew further and further away from my Christian beliefs. I became more and more independent and eventually I was living my life, without God. It was obviously a very tumultuous journey - I don't need to explain to you the ups and downs of mental illness. I always knew there was something strange about my mind. I think I was scared to know but I hid it so well, for so long. I find other people's beliefs really interesting and I respect their opinions and reasons.

Are you able to get ahold of either gun quite easily? Do you have a backup method before you doubt SN to be fatal?

Out of interest, do you feel a sense of relief knowing that you can "leave" whenever you want to? I feel that somewhat. It's almost comforting in a sense.

 

[Betsy007]

Thank you for saying that my pain matters too. I've always felt so completely selfish because I want to end this suffering but ultimately I'll be bringing suffering on to my family. I guess that's a normal thought pattern for this kind of thing. I've put them through a lot.

I haven't thought about a backup method to be honest. I'm relying on the SN to be fatal enough where I don't need a backup strategy. You have a point though. What I like most about the SN method is that my family will find me peaceful and whole. There won't be any "mess" for them to make this any more traumatic. I know my Dad has a gun but I don't know where he keeps it. I've gotten a hold of it before, wanting to use it but my Mom found me writing a note before I did anything.

I think I will contact my doctor friend. He's written scripts for me before. Then I would have everything I would need to do it. My SN 99% purity arrived today. I had to buy so much So I'll have a lot left behind.

I too worry about where I would go afterwards. My wish would be that my soul lingers and I "watch" my loved ones from afar. A girl can dream. I was brought up catholic and believed in God for a long time. I gave my life but I started to have doubts at around 25. I realized you can't depend on anyone or anything, you've got to do it all yourself. And with that train of thinking I grew further and further away from my Christian beliefs. I became more and more independent and eventually I was living my life, without God. It was obviously a very tumultuous journey - I don't need to explain to you the ups and downs of mental illness. I always knew there was something strange about my mind. I think I was scared to know but I hid it so well, for so long. I find other people's beliefs really interesting and I respect their opinions and reasons.

Are you able to get ahold of either gun quite easily? Do you have a backup method before you doubt SN to be fatal?

Out of interest, do you feel a sense of relief knowing that you can "leave" whenever you want to? I feel that somewhat. It's almost comforting in a sense.

I know exactly what you mean when you write about the relief and comfort of being able to leave whenever you want. Partial hanging used to be my method, until I tried it (and tried, and tried) but just couldn't. I still think partial hanging is a good backup method, but not on it's own, and not sober. There's also a sense of safety and relaxation in knowing you can flag down the bus whenever and it will stop for you. I suppose we're both really at peace with the concept of death in order to feel this way about it. I expect to feel this way again once I get a revolver.

To answer your question, I believe I can get a gun relatively easily, even in my state of California. I know I'll pass the background check and the gun safety quiz, so I don't expect and purchasing problems. Right now, SN and/or partial hanging are my backup methods to a firearm. I guess it's overkill to tie a cord around my neck, swallow the SN, then fire the gun, but goddammit, that bus WILL stop for me next time, lol.

Have you looked at the night-night method at all? https://sanctioned-suicide.net/threads/the-night-night-method-mega-thread.6834/ It might be right up your alley as it's quiet, just slightly uncomfortable and the gore is minimal. I bought the corn hole bags and ratchet tie down and I've been practicing a bit. It seems doable once you figure out how to position the bags so that blood flow is cut off, but there's not too much pressure on the windpipe. Come to think of it, this might be another good backup method to use along side SN, assuming the vomiting isn't constant. I bought regulation corn hole bags, which I recommend. They might seem too large at first, but they're comfortable and they work well.

IMO, it's completely normal to feel guilt and I take it as a sign that you're an empathic human being. But that's not to say it should rule your life. I see it as the lesser of two evils, there's going to be suffering along either path.

Like you, I started off a Christian and eventually realized we're on our own here. Also like you, I always felt there was something off about me. Looking back, it was probably chronic depression that started at around 7 years old. For what it's worth, I completely believe your soul can hang out and watch your loved ones if that's what you choose. Near death experiences have been a bit of an obsession for me. Like a lucid dream, the landscape and characters in an NDE respond to a person's focus and force of will. Most of the time, people just go with the flow without really questioning the scenario. But occasionally, someone happens to put the brakes on and exert their will. When that happens, their circumstances change. Unfortunately, also like a lucid dream, the stuff going on all around can be a distraction and you can lose focus.

 

[moggedtodeath]

So sad....

 

[MentalStefan]

I wish you a peaceful and safe joruney. I hope your suffering finally will end.

 

[zeenatax]

Peace

 

[CannotAnymore]

Shit! If you change your mind please call help asap!!! Sorry it's come to this I wish you peace

This is the most useless thing you can say... 'call help'... Who? What do you think happens... they bring you to the hospital, then they lock you up until you say the words.. I don't want to ctb... then they put you back out in the world (if you are in the US).

Humor me and call one of those hotlines... I tried once and was on hold for THIRTY minutes before I hung up...

It's not helpful...

 

[jodes2]

This is the most useless thing you can say... 'call help'... Who? What do you think happens... they bring you to the hospital, then they lock you up until you say the words.. I don't want to ctb... then they put you back out in the world (if you are in the US).

Humor me and call one of those hotlines... I tried once and was on hold for THIRTY minutes before I hung up...

It's not helpful...

It's helpful if they decide they want to live and not die. Psych ward isn't the end of the world. It's not as bad as prison and very temporary. They only do it to help

 

[Wannagonow]

It's helpful if they decide they want to live and not die. Psych ward isn't the end of the world. It's not as bad as prison and very temporary. They only do it to help

I agree with Jodes2. I don't think there's anything wrong with gently reminding someone they have choices- especially if they seem less than sure and not in a good frame of mind. I agree the psych ward is not the end of the world. It's not like what's seen in the movies.

 

[CannotAnymore]

I take it neither you ha e been in a psych ward... had the police called on you or worse.. worked in the mental care industry and seem behind the scenes...OR had to deal with the financial aspects of the useless visit??

I made that comment not based on movies or TV or thoughts... but on real life.