(got this picture from google lol)
i've contemplated so many different methods but all of them involve my mom being the one that finds me, inside her house and i simply cannot do that to anyone, esp her. that would haunt her and she doesn't deserve that. unfortunately i don't live in uni anymore so doing it in my room there isn't possible.
i take a train to visit my dad occasionally and somewhere along the way, there are a couple spaces that have these structures. and it's above water, so if i jumped out the train, i assume the first thing that would (likely) happen is i hit one of the structures hard and just fall into the water. i know this isn't controlled though to be a guarantee but there's nothing else i could do really + with some careful planning (a trip up to pay attention to what exactly it looks like, what speed we're going at in these spaces and capture a video so i can go back and look at it), i feel like it would, at the very least, be bad enough to cause a decent amount of harm? again, i understand that if, let's say, i jumped at the perfectly wrong time, i just end up jumping straight into the water and not hit any of the structures. i am absolutely banking on hitting a structure because thats what is actually going to cause harm in this attempt. the train isn't THAT high up so it wouldn't be like jumping off a tall bridge even, if i just went straight into the water without a structure hit.
but is this really esp stupid? i've made a post before about jumping from the 9th floor of a building and was told by several people that it simply isn't worth it and it definitely got through to me. this feels like a better option though because of the water. because if i hit a structure, i can't imagine it would be simple, minimal damage (maybe not the worst but definitely not nothing) + i'll land in the water and will not be retrieved very quickly. i completely understand that this is not 100% reliable, i am really just looking for a way out of this specific life im living right now, because actually finding a way to die seems so fucking impossible!
i've contemplated so many different methods but all of them involve my mom being the one that finds me, inside her house and i simply cannot do that to anyone, esp her. that would haunt her and she doesn't deserve that. unfortunately i don't live in uni anymore so doing it in my room there isn't possible.
i take a train to visit my dad occasionally and somewhere along the way, there are a couple spaces that have these structures. and it's above water, so if i jumped out the train, i assume the first thing that would (likely) happen is i hit one of the structures hard and just fall into the water. i know this isn't controlled though to be a guarantee but there's nothing else i could do really + with some careful planning (a trip up to pay attention to what exactly it looks like, what speed we're going at in these spaces and capture a video so i can go back and look at it), i feel like it would, at the very least, be bad enough to cause a decent amount of harm? again, i understand that if, let's say, i jumped at the perfectly wrong time, i just end up jumping straight into the water and not hit any of the structures. i am absolutely banking on hitting a structure because thats what is actually going to cause harm in this attempt. the train isn't THAT high up so it wouldn't be like jumping off a tall bridge even, if i just went straight into the water without a structure hit.
but is this really esp stupid? i've made a post before about jumping from the 9th floor of a building and was told by several people that it simply isn't worth it and it definitely got through to me. this feels like a better option though because of the water. because if i hit a structure, i can't imagine it would be simple, minimal damage (maybe not the worst but definitely not nothing) + i'll land in the water and will not be retrieved very quickly. i completely understand that this is not 100% reliable, i am really just looking for a way out of this specific life im living right now, because actually finding a way to die seems so fucking impossible!
