Venting I’ve made my decision

[Ai-chan]

I decided that I will do it if one of the two conditions are met

1. If I get fired from my job
2. If I don't get into grad school before fall 2023

If any of these two conditions occur, then I will do the deed. I can't take it anymore. Everything in life is absolute shit. If any of these two things happen then that would mean any measley chance of my life actually improving will be gone.

I already had a shit childhood and a shit adolescence. My adult life has also been shit. Im tired of clinging onto the hope of "things get better" or whatever other bullshit people spout out.

Im gonna do it either with SN or by drowning myself. Either way im gonna do it.

 

[Someone123]

I respect you right to choose and to find peace. Since you are still giving this a little more time maybe trying to add some friends that car eto the mix could help- there are a lot of videos on youtibe about how to make friedns that might help. This could maybe help to ease some of the pain.

 

[FuneralCry]

It certainly is such an awful and tiring existence and your feelings of wishing to leave it behind are understandable. For so many people in this world life does just seem to be endless suffering and problems which just continues to get worse as time goes on. I hope that you find what you wish for.

 

[Ai-chan]

I respect you right to choose and to find peace. Since you are still giving this a little more time maybe trying to add some friends that car eto the mix could help- there are a lot of videos on youtibe about how to make friedns that might help. This could maybe help to ease some of the pain.

I wish that was true for me. I do have friends. In fact the only thing that has stopped me in the past is knowing that my peace would hurt them in the end. Idk how I'm going to make it easier for them and knowing that makes me feel nothing but guilt. I've drafted many suicide notes explaining myself and stressing that it's not their fault, but none could ever express just how much I don't want them to grieve for me or even feel a tiny bit of guilt about my departure

 

[jodes2]

Lordy, I hope you don't choose drowning as your method, rather masochistic. I hope you find peace whichever way life takes you

 

[Ai-chan]

Lordy, I hope you don't choose drowning as your method, rather masochistic. I hope you find peace whichever way life takes you

Might be masochistic but it would definitely be well deserved