Venting I've just noticed on an old thread I posted that someone's name is now crossed out, I feel sick to my stomach

[Strawberry Moon]

:( does anyone else ever feel like this?

 

[The Silly Sluggy]

Oh, that's normal, everyone feels like that sometimes, you're not alone there

 

[Yaffle]

:( does anyone else ever feel like this?

Yes, absolutely

 

[Wyldfyre4948]

Yep. In sucks when it's someone you had an interaction or two with. Losing friends here hurts just as bad as people you grew up with.

 

[Hollowman]

It doesn't always mean they're dead.

 

[steppenwolf]

It just means their account's deactivated. It doesn't tell you why. They might have deactivated it themselves, they might have been banned by mods, they might have left it inactive for too long for any reason. They might have simply stopped using the site, they might have died of a heart attack, they might have committed suicide. You just don't know, and it's not really anyone here's business to know either.

 

[LaVieEnRose]

In the absence of any confirming evidence you can assume they just moved on.

 

[Abyssal]

On this topic, I've noticed users with crossed out names that haven't made any goodbye threads and lack evidence of ctbing, especially with older accounts. I'm sure that there's no obvious answer to my question, but do mods look into banning an account for ctb without there being a thread confirming their death?

 

[exitplease]

Yes, it's awful. As is the not knowing.

I feel deep regret for not having interacted more with someone who is now gone.

 

[UKscotty]

No, I feel the opposite.

I feel happy for them that they managed to do something a coward like me can't. They are now at peace, don't feel sad.

 

[Walrus123]

I feel like this when i read an old thread by someone who had problems similar to mine, i wonder how they're doing and if they killed themselves.

 

[ADeadBunny]

I feel like this when i read an old thread by someone who had problems similar to mine, i wonder how they're doing and if they killed themselves.

Yeah, I definitely feel that.

For me I think it's that little bit of hope that likes to linger in your mind. That whisper of a voice that wants to believe someone has an answer for you. Nothing makes it vanish faster than the prospect of someone being where you've been and seeing that they may have ctb and you can't even try to ask them for one even if they haven't anyway.

 

[blacksand]

I talked to Vizzy hours before he killed himself. Honestly I feel to numb to really think much of it these days. People come and go from this wretched existence constantly and there's nothing we can do about it.

 

[FuneralCry]

I don't understand why people believe a crossed out name automatically means the person has ctb. It simply means that the person is no longer a member of the site anymore. I bet a large amount of crossed out names are people who just chose to disable their account and are still existing. While many have likely ctb this doesn't necessarily apply to all of them.

 

[ringo99]

It doesn't always mean they ctb'ed. In that case their last post is usually a goodbye

 

[Strawberry Moon]

It doesn't always mean they're dead.

It just means their account's deactivated. It doesn't tell you why. They might have deactivated it themselves, they might have been banned by mods, they might have left it inactive for too long for any reason. They might have simply stopped using the site, they might have died of a heart attack, they might have committed suicide. You just don't know, and it's not really anyone here's business to know either.

I don't understand why people believe a crossed out name automatically means the person has ctb. It simply means that the person is no longer a member of the site anymore. I bet a large amount of crossed out names are people who just chose to disable their account and are still existing. While many have likely ctb this doesn't necessarily apply to all of them.

I am fairly new to the site and am still learning how to understand/use it so I never knew that it could also mean that they have deactivated.

I don't think there is any harm in wondering what happened to that person. I'm empathetic towards others and wouldn't wish harm on them regardless of their intentions.

 

[LaVieEnRose]

I am fairly new to the site and am still learning how to understand/use it so I never knew that it could also mean that they have deactivated.

I don't think there is any harm in wondering what happened to that person. I'm empathetic towards others and wouldn't wish harm on them regardless of their intentions.

It's okay, it's normal to wonder about people's fates if they don't really owe the community to tell what became of them (assuming they are still alive).

 

[hi-okbye]

most of the time it's unknown, but what really sends a pit in my stomach is the goodbye threads when all the evidence points to them being successful. the moment when you kind of realize "damn.. they're really gone now"

 

[Strawberry Moon]

most of the time it's unknown, but what really sends a pit in my stomach is the goodbye threads when all the evidence points to them being successful. the moment when you kind of realize "damn.. they're really gone now"

I've only come across one or two goodbye threads since I joined and yes I agree :(

 

[Goodgirlryeo101]

I talked to Vizzy hours before he killed himself. Honestly I feel to numb to really think much of it these days. People come and go from this wretched existence constantly and there's nothing we can do about it.

Oh I miss Vizzy…. He was such a light

 

[steppenwolf]

I've only come across one or two goodbye threads since I joined and yes I agree :(

I've seen and interacted with ops of several such 'goodbye' threads. Sometimes they reappear on the same thread after a couple of weeks. Sometimes they reappear elsewhere with a different account. Sometimes they disappear forever. Unless you can personally identify an op of a 'goodbye' threads in a news report of suicide, you have no way of knowing if they really went through with it, and ops know that. Which begs the question, if the op hasn't committed suicide, why did they post a 'goodbye' thread?

Possibly such a 'goodbye' thread is a cry for help. A tacit appeal for someone on the forum to talk the op out of suicide. Most likely it is simply attention-seeking. The op becomes the centre of attention, and the longer they drag out their 'goodbye', the longer they remain the centre of attention. But the longer such 'goodbyes' are dragged out, the more traumatizing it is for other forum members like yourself when the op eventually signs off. I have to consider the possibility that the point of such threads is for suicides to drag others onto the bus with them, being afraid to meet their end alone. Then the darker possibility presents that the point of such threads is for the op to push others onto the bus whilst having no intention of getting onto it themselves. But again, there's no way of knowing that for sure.

Yes, my mind can be very dark. It's a dark business.

All you can be certain of is that ops of 'goodbye' threads often don't commit suicide, that they know that their audience can never find out if they committed suicide or not, and that it is dangerous to assume that complete strangers on a suicide discussion forum who announce their suicides have actually committed suicide.

That's why if I was going to ctb I would not announce my intention to anyone, especially not to suffering complete strangers on a suicide discussion forum who might be dragged down with me. I would face it alone, and overcome it or succumb to it alone. No one else would know. Likely so it is with everyone.

We're all on our own unique journeys, each with its own struggles, joys, agonies, sighs, loneliness, perhaps ending in darkness, nobody knows. It is unwise to try to follow someone else's path.

Suicide is the business is this site though
Not all inactive accounts are disabled either as I can find plenty that have been inactive for years but have no line through their name.

There's no argument. It's an anonymous suicide discussion forum. Personal details are no one else's business unless they are privately disclosed. Members with a line through their username have had their accounts deactivated.

 

[LaVieEnRose]

. Which begs the question, if the op hasn't committed suicide, why did they post a 'goodbye' thread?

Just because someone says they're going to do it doesn't mean they'll actually be able to summon the nerve to follow through.

Possibly such a 'goodbye' thread is a cry for help. A tacit appeal for someone on the forum to talk the op out of suicide. Most likely it is simply attention-seeking. The op becomes the centre of attention, and the longer they drag out their 'goodbye', the longer they remain the centre of attention. But the longer such 'goodbyes' are dragged out, the more traumatizing it is for other forum members like yourself when the op eventually signs off. I have to consider the possibility that the point of such threads is for suicides to drag others onto the bus with them, being afraid to meet their end alone. Then the darker possibility presents that the point of such threads is for the op to push others onto the bus whilst having no intention of getting onto it themselves. But again, there's no way of knowing that for sure.

Yes, my mind can be very dark. It's a dark business.

They could represent cries for help or just jockeying for attention but those darker possibilities you mention I don't think are worth considering.

 

[steppenwolf]

Just because someone says they're going to do it doesn't mean they'll actually be able to summon the nerve to follow through.


They could represent cries for help or just jockeying for attention but those darker possibilities you mention I don't think are worth considering.

Someone who says they're going to do it who can't summon the nerve to follow through, already knows they don't have the nerve to follow through when they say they're going to do it. They just haven't thought it through.

They also already know that no one on this anonymous private forum will ever know for sure if they did follow through, so they don't have to think it through.

And they also already know that a lengthy 'goodbye' thread is certain to traumatize people like the op of this thread. They have deliberately chosen not to think about that.

The op says they feel sick to their stomach and I believe them. No matter what despair they are born of, those darker possibilities represent a latent psychopathic tendency to deliberately traumatize the most vulnerable of people, with threats of suicide that are not necessarily carried out. And if this suicide discussion forum will not consider those possibilities, then any legislation prohibiting this forum has a sound justification. So absolutely those darker possibilities are worth considering.

 

[兎の耳]

It's sobering for me and I haven't been here long or interacted much with others.

While I support someone's decision when they choose to end their life, I'm saddened that it has come to that for so many. I truly wish everyone here could find happiness and peace in this life.

 

[LaVieEnRose]

Someone who says they're going to do it who can't summon the nerve to follow through, already knows they don't have the nerve to follow through when they say they're going to do it. They just haven't thought it through.

That's not a given at all and if they haven't thought it through, that still means they're sincere (to whatever degree) in their intention at the time of posting the thread (disregarding the fakers from the outset).

And they also already know that a lengthy 'goodbye' thread is certain to traumatize people like the op of this thread. They have deliberately chosen not to think about that.

How is the OP responsible for the length of the thread they create? People choose to engage with it as they wish. No one is forcing them to. Of course goodbye threads tend to attract the most attention, but again engagement is strictly voluntary.

"Traumatized"? Aren't you putting words in OP's mouth? They didn't even mention goodbye threads at all. They mentioned having a visceral reaction to seeing crossed-out names because they incorrectly, but understandably, assumed that that indicated that the user was dead when as was pointed out that is not necessarily true. In fact, the assumption to make is that the user self-banned and moved on from the site as people generally do.

I think it's lame that you're trying to blame the creators of goodbye threads for " not considering that they're traumatizing". These aren't people who involuntarily witness a jumping. They join this place knowing that people might die because, well, feelings of preferring to be dead sometimes is what unites all of us who end up here. Of course many people may underestimate the psychological effects of being here and they are free to discover that and choose how to engage with the site from then on. That this site can be upsetting or make people worse is an intrinsic risky feature anyways.

@toofargone6969 who made a goodbye thread stated that her sole comfort was being able to have that little bit of comfort at the end. Even her brother who posted to confirm her passing said that upon reflection said that he was comforted by that fact.

traumatize the most vulnerable of people, with threats of suicide that are not necessarily carried out. And if this suicide discussion forum will not consider those possibilities, then any legislation prohibiting this forum has a sound justification. So absolutely those darker possibilities are worth considering.

They have been. Unsurpisingly, goodbye threads have long been marked a controversial topic and the risks and downsides have been discussed in-depth before. They're not going anywhere. You are right that we all need to exercise due caution but the idea that they're deliberately created to traumatize people is in my opinion not at the top of the list of concerns and is kind of infantilizing to the membership here. And usually the concern has been that the respondents to goodbye threads are helpinf to push the OP in the direction of suicide, as was alleged of the thread of the user whose death inspired the whole Tantacrul debacle. The whole forum does make it immensely easier not just physically but also psychologically easier to kill yourself and this is an inextricable aspect of the forum itself, not just goodbye threads (which can be avoided). Many people find that their mental health is negatively affected by being here and choose to leave, which is fair, but users (all legal adults as per the rules) come here of their own accord and make an account. So it is fair that this can adversely affect users but blaming users for traumatizing or not considering (and therefore censoring themselves, which not having to do is the main draw of the site) just by talking about the inherently often unpleasant topic the site resolves around...I don't agree.

Anyway there is more than the goodbye threads that opponents have used to attack this place. But yes, vigilance is always of the highest importance but we should be careful about seeing things that aren't there.

 

[Strawberry Moon]

I've seen and interacted with ops of several such 'goodbye' threads. Sometimes they reappear on the same thread after a couple of weeks. Sometimes they reappear elsewhere with a different account. Sometimes they disappear forever. Unless you can personally identify an op of a 'goodbye' threads in a news report of suicide, you have no way of knowing if they really went through with it, and ops know that. Which begs the question, if the op hasn't committed suicide, why did they post a 'goodbye' thread?

Possibly such a 'goodbye' thread is a cry for help. A tacit appeal for someone on the forum to talk the op out of suicide. Most likely it is simply attention-seeking. The op becomes the centre of attention, and the longer they drag out their 'goodbye', the longer they remain the centre of attention. But the longer such 'goodbyes' are dragged out, the more traumatizing it is for other forum members like yourself when the op eventually signs off. I have to consider the possibility that the point of such threads is for suicides to drag others onto the bus with them, being afraid to meet their end alone. Then the darker possibility presents that the point of such threads is for the op to push others onto the bus whilst having no intention of getting onto it themselves. But again, there's no way of knowing that for sure.

Yes, my mind can be very dark. It's a dark business.

All you can be certain of is that ops of 'goodbye' threads often don't commit suicide, that they know that their audience can never find out if they committed suicide or not, and that it is dangerous to assume that complete strangers on a suicide discussion forum who announce their suicides have actually committed suicide.

That's why if I was going to ctb I would not announce my intention to anyone, especially not to suffering complete strangers on a suicide discussion forum who might be dragged down with me. I would face it alone, and overcome it or succumb to it alone. No one else would know. Likely so it is with everyone.

We're all on our own unique journeys, each with its own struggles, joys, agonies, sighs, loneliness, perhaps ending in darkness, nobody knows. It is unwise to try to follow someone else's path.

There's no argument. It's an anonymous suicide discussion forum. Personal details are no one else's business unless they are privately disclosed. Members with a line through their username have had their accounts deactivated.

I'm not too sure why my reaction has turned into some sort of a lecture? I don't think it's wrong to feel a certain way over a possibility of somebody no longer being here, dead or alive.

I'd also like to point out that I am not "traumatised" by someone anonymous who has potentially ctb. It's just an initial wonder.

 

[HD72]

No, I feel the opposite.

I feel happy for them that they managed to do something a coward like me can't. They are now at peace, don't feel sad.

That's exactly what I feel. I am also ashamed I feel a tad bit envious.

 

[waRmblanket]

the day my best friend ctb was very hard, and the day he was crossed out was just as hard. it took twoish months, but when i realized (i checked often) my heart dropped. i felt like my world ended.

while death always hurts, i've learned to deal with it, i cry, but i also understand where he was coming from, he was dealing w some of the same struggles i am. i just remind myself that he's not in pain nor is he suffering, he's resting and is at peace. in a non weird way, i'm glad his beautiful soul is out of this shitty world.

 

[_smile_]

On this topic, I've noticed users with crossed out names that haven't made any goodbye threads and lack evidence of ctbing, especially with older accounts. I'm sure that there's no obvious answer to my question, but do mods look into banning an account for ctb without there being a thread confirming their death?

Unfortunately, if we are not aware of someone ctbing, we do not ban the account. So many users come and go throughout the years. Users who were active in 2020 take a break for a couple years and come back. It's quite common.

If there is someone you are close with, and you know they've ctb but did not post a goodbye thread, it is in the best interest of the person who ctb for you to let us know. We will then ban the account. We ban the account so no one else (family, spouses, LE, etc) can ever gain access to it.

If someone posts a goodbye thread and ends up not ctbing, they can submit a support ticket and ask for their account to be unbanned/restored.

 

[steppenwolf]

I'm not too sure why my reaction has turned into some sort of a lecture? I don't think it's wrong to feel a certain way over a possibility of somebody no longer being here, dead or alive.

I'd also like to point out that I am not "traumatised" by someone anonymous who has potentially ctb. It's just an initial wonder.

I'm lecturing because the things people say can profoundly affect how other people feel, particularly when they are talking about suicides.

I didn't say that it's wrong to feel a certain way over the possibility of someone having committed suicide. I said that it's wrong to make someone feel a certain way by lying about the possibility of [someone] having committed suicide. And if someone dies for any reason, if no one tells you about it it's because they don't want you to know about it, because it's none of your business. And if it's none of your business, it's wrong to ask questions in case those questions turn out to be painful for those closest to the deceased.

Your op said that you felt 'sick to your stomach' about the possibility of someone having committed suicide, which implies that you found it very traumatic. Now you say it was 'just an initial wonder', and now I fail to see any point to your thread other than to illustrate how little some people on this forum care about how what they say affects other people. It's also wrong to lie about how you feel about the possibility of someone having committed suicide.

How is the OP responsible for the length of the thread they create?

By repeatedly replying to posts on it.

"Traumatized"? Aren't you putting words in OP's mouth? They didn't even mention goodbye threads at all.

Not at all. Op said they 'felt sick to their stomach'; I call that traumatic. Op did mention a thread with someone on it crossed out, not a goodbye thread, but that's not relevant. I'm using goodbye threads as the most obvious example of any thread where people become familiar with a user who is then 'crossed out', obviously.

I think it's lame that you're trying to blame the creators of goodbye threads for " not considering that they're traumatizing".

I think it's lame that people who have apparently never known want experiment with their power to to hijack people's feelings by threatening suicide, without really having any suicidal intention.

You are right that we all need to exercise due caution but the idea that they're deliberately created to traumatize people is in my opinion not at the top of the list of concerns and is kind of infantilizing to the membership here.

I know I'm right. And some of the membership is infantile insofar as they evidently have no consideration and feel no responsibility whatsoever for how what they say on the spur of the moment affects other people.