Venting ive fallen in love

[ctb★prince]

im on the asexual spectrum, demi to be exact, meaning id first have to get close to a person to begin liking them in the first place, ive never been in love nor had a serious crush because i either tend to begin seeing them as family or they abuse me in some way, so its very hard for me to believe in love at first sight, even though theres little that i yearn for more than such a scenario

yesterday i stumbled upon a random comment on social media, it was of a person advocating for something i really care about, both the profile picture and the username caught my eye, i clicked on the profile and was immediately greeted by the most angelic person ive ever seen, their looks simply divine, their humor so pure, their aesthetic as if taken straight from heaven, and their name meaning a star
i complemented them saying they have a beautiful presence, i didnt want to be creepy, i couldnt bring myself to follow them, so i just left my comment, turned the app off and giggled to myself and hiding my face in my hands, ive never felt like this towards any other actual person before
then it all shifted, i realized id never have any chances with them, im weird, im an uggo, im disguisting, im ill, im not interesting to any normal person, i have boundaries that make me boring to people my age, i have interests that noone wants to hear about, conflict follows me whereever i go, and so does bad luck generally, im a sad little freak, im nowhere near their grace

i quickly started feeling guilty and evil for even reading their comment in the first place, i feel like i cursed them by just looking

 

[AInilam]

I don't think you're creepy, I think that was very sweet, plus there's nothing wrong with having an innocent crush. We all get them and it's perfectly natural. I'm sorry you feel slighted by both your personality and looks, I know what that's like--but that doesn't make you any less deserving of a loving relationship or daydream. No one can judge your thoughts but yourself, the world can be a very cruel and unforgiving place, there's no need to further your own suffering through self-loathing--your mind should instead serve as a place of reprieve. Although from experience I know that is easier said than done but still--try to be more kinder to yourself, treat yourself as you would that beautiful person you stumbled across, because at the end of the day you both are just two sides of the same coin.

 

[F@#$]

Love is a lie.

 

[ctb★prince]

I don't think you're creepy, I think that was very sweet, plus there's nothing wrong with having an innocent crush. We all get them and it's perfectly natural. I'm sorry you feel slighted by both your personality and looks, I know what that's like--but that doesn't make you any less deserving of a loving relationship or daydream. No one can judge your thoughts but yourself, the world can be a very cruel and unforgiving place, there's no need to further your own suffering through self-loathing--your mind should instead serve as a place of reprieve. Although from experience I know that is easier said than done. But still--try to be more kinder to yourself, treat yourself as you would that beautiful person you stumbled across, because at the end of the day you both are just two sides of the same coin.

i think that my biggest issue is that im too far removed from normal life, too deep in the online world and my own thoughts, i engaged myself in too many things, ive talked to too many people, said too many things, im nothing special to someone in the same position as me, but when i compare myself to someone whos living their life so fully, without all the weight ive burdened myself with... i feel like a slimy little worm :(

 

[DeadManLiving]

Love is a lie.

Yes it is, a trap. I learned to escape it. The allure of love promises, only to rip your heart out. Like hope, the greatest luxury of the helpless; confusing the possibility of a desire with its actual likelihood, supposing satisfaction which circumstances deny, and going from Mirage to Mirage in a desert of desperate illusions, exhausting oneself by living with hope for what one longs for the most but is denied, in a constant state of deprivation and reoccurring devastations.

Scientifically Love Is Dead.
Eva Illouz

The End of Love: A Sociology of Negative Relations

Life without love is a torturous a state of constant deprivation. You are living but not alive, for an illusion that (forbiddingly) if it ever does come alive, often ends in a death blow of heartbreaks. I lived for this hope too for a long time, until I realized the cold hard bitter truth that love Is a trap, catching a tiger by its tail. To say that one does not need love to be happy as also a lie, because there is nothing more powerful then this force and desire that is deeply embedded within each human that is to be unconditionally embraced in an authentic human connection, accepted just the way you are by someone else who cares so deeply about you and will always be there to come home to, unconditionally. A life without love is to live with this emptiness that erodes your soul, to be living but not alive, just treading a tragic minefield of roses, insatiably thirsting for something that sometimes consumes you but ultimately devastates.

 

[edu0z]

i feel like a slimy little worm :(

hey but what are you talking about?...you are a prince

 

[ctb★prince]

Love is a lie.

i believe its a very real thing, i myself love many things and many people, just not in a romantic way, i think my orientation is a curse, i wish i could just freely love and romance like others around me do, either way, i believe it still finds us in one way or another, maybe in a form of a new passion for a hobby or whatever, if you arent hopefull anymore i will gladly be hopefull for you, if you dont mind

 

[edu0z]

Yes it is, a trap. The allure of love promises, only to rip your heart out. Like hope, the greatest luxury of the helpless; confusing the possibility of a desire with it's actual likelihood, supposing satisfaction which circumstances deny, and going from Mirage to Mirage in a desert of desperate illusions, exhausting oneself by living with hope for what one longs for the most but circumstance denies, in a constant state of deprivation and reoccurring devastations.

Scientifically Love Is Dead.
Eva Illouz

The End of Love: A Sociology of Negative Relations

man... thats a very dark reallity to live

 

[AInilam]

i think that my biggest issue is that im too far removed from normal life, too deep in the online world and my own thoughts, i engaged myself in too many things, ive talked to too many people, said too many things, im nothing special to someone in the same position as me, but when i compare myself to someone whos living their life so fully, without all the weight ive burdened myself with... i feel like a slimy little worm :(

That's so silly, people live multiple different lives from each other--and you wouldn't regard them in the same light as you do yourself.

As we speak there are people whose lives revolve around handling said worms--actual worms, working in sewers--some people even living in them. You're not a worm, to say you are lesser is to forget all the beautiful and lovely minds whose lives aren't as pretty.

So you feel guilty because you want the life they have, to feel closer, equal or worthy of their time in your mind--and I understand that, but instead of making these polar comparisons--why not find out for yourself? You can reach out to them, get to know them--who knows maybe they'll take an interest. After all--you aren't in it for their body, even if it only turns out to be platonic I'm sure they'll have a lot to teach you and you them.

 

[ctb★prince]

I've not fallen in love with a human. everything in this world and life repulses me . Imo I can't separate the supposedly good things from the worst torture. They are one as the same both part of life.The only things I love are my ctb, my non-existence cause this means means no suffering no pain for "me"

personally ive found myself with a problem - i dont want to get hurt either and i too find many things in this world just awful, but neither do i want perfection, i find beauty and comfort in many things considered ugly, but at the same time its also what keeps gatting my ass be handed to me so often, it sucks so much

hey but what are you talking about?...you are a prince

a little worm prince in my little underground kingdom with all the little bugs and critters as my subjects!

 

[AtomicWaffles]

If you really found love your so lucky. I wish people showed me as much love as I show them

 

[ctb★prince]

That's so silly, people live multiple different lives from each other--and you wouldn't regard them in the same light as you do yourself.

As we speak there are people whose lives revolve around handling said worms--actual worms, working in sewers--some people even living in them. You're not a worm, to say you are lesser is to forget all the beautiful and lovely minds whose lives aren't as pretty.

So you feel guilty because you want the life they have, to feel closer, equal or worthy of their time in your mind--and I understand that, but instead of making these polar comparisons--why not find out for yourself? You can reach out to them, get to know them--who knows maybe they'll take an interest. After all--you aren't in it for their body, even if it only turns out to be platonic I'm sure they'll have a lot to teach you and you them.

im still hoping they will see my comment despite feeling bad about it, fingers crossed and all that

If you really found love your so lucky. I wish people showed me as much love as I show them

afraid for now im more in an embarrassing position of having a crush on a random social media profile...

 

[Lookoutbelow]

Yes it is, a trap. I learned to escape it. The allure of love promises, only to rip your heart out. Like hope, the greatest luxury of the helpless; confusing the possibility of a desire with its actual likelihood, supposing satisfaction which circumstances deny, and going from Mirage to Mirage in a desert of desperate illusions, exhausting oneself by living with hope for what one longs for the most but is denied, in a constant state of deprivation and reoccurring devastations.

Scientifically Love Is Dead.
Eva Illouz

The End of Love: A Sociology of Negative Relations

Life without love is a torturous a state of constant deprivation. You are living but not alive, for an illusion that (forbiddingly) if it ever does come alive, often ends in a death blow of heartbreaks. I lived for this hope too for a long time, until I realized the cold hard bitter truth that love Is a trap, catching a tiger by its tail. To say that one does not need love to be happy as also a lie, because there is nothing more powerful then this force and desire that is deeply embedded within each human that is to be unconditionally embraced in an authentic human connection, accepted just the way you are by someone else who cares so deeply about you and will always be there to come home to, unconditionally. A life without love is to live with this emptiness that erodes your soul, to be living but not alive, just treading a tragic minefield of roses, insatiably thirsting for something that sometimes consumes you but ultimately devastates.

I'm not religious, but Amen preach on!

 

[CloudyNight]

im on the asexual spectrum, demi to be exact, meaning id first have to get close to a person to begin liking them in the first place, ive never been in love nor had a serious crush because i either tend to begin seeing them as family or they abuse me in some way, so its very hard for me to believe in love at first sight, even though theres little that i yearn for more than such a scenario

yesterday i stumbled upon a random comment on social media, it was of a person advocating for something i really care about, both the profile picture and the username caught my eye, i clicked on the profile and was immediately greeted by the most angelic person ive ever seen, their looks simply divine, their humor so pure, their aesthetic as if taken straight from heaven, and their name meaning a star
i complemented them saying they have a beautiful presence, i didnt want to be creepy, i couldnt bring myself to follow them, so i just left my comment, turned the app off and giggled to myself and hiding my face in my hands, ive never felt like this towards any other actual person before
then it all shifted, i realized id never have any chances with them, im weird, im an uggo, im disguisting, im ill, im not interesting to any normal person, i have boundaries that make me boring to people my age, i have interests that noone wants to hear about, conflict follows me whereever i go, and so does bad luck generally, im a sad little freak, im nowhere near their grace

i quickly started feeling guilty and evil for even reading their comment in the first place, i feel like i cursed them by just looking

Love is something wonderful and I believe everyone deserves it even if we have been hurt one way or another we still look for it I'm so glad you found someone to love (even if it is from a far)

 

[Raindancer]

Love is a lie.

I don't believe true unconditional love is, but that is truly hard to find. When we open up and honestly share ourselves with someone it can be beautiful. I also think love from animals is very pure. This may sound weird, but I saw a video of a man who found an abandoned swan egg and hatched and then raised the swan. That swan now an adult shows that man love like I have never seen. It was so beautiful, it made me cry. But unfortunately so much love is a lie, especially with people.

 

[until death]

Love hurts

 

[CeramicPundit]

Love is near impossible to find if you were dealt a decent hand in life and practically impossible if it's any worse than average.

 

[Abyssal]

Shit, this thread almost hurt me as bad as I'd imagine it hurt you. I too am demi (feels weird to say that as I haven't really been able to really handle anything romantic or sexual) so I understand. I'm sure my argument can be disassembled easily since I've never been in a relationship, but I do believe love exists. I think you are just getting a very biased perspective on this.

What you said wasn't creepy, and if that person who you messaged believes it is then clearly you deserve better. It's easier said than done to drop a crush, but as a fellow demi person I know you have what it takes to realize a personality isn't as nice as it is at first glance. Also, if you rely on attraction to personality like I do, then you'll likely attract similar people. You deserve someone who sees the world the way you do, or at the very least try.

Also, relationships aren't actually that important. Even if you never find anyone that's fine, don't let some dipshits tell you what you must have or what some suicidal people on the internet tell you what you mustn't have.

 

[Levia@than]

Love is a bitch sometimes but I think you should Still go for it. People are a lot harder on themselves especially when it comes to looks. Even if you think someone is way out of your league, it might just be worth it. At least try to get close to them as a friend. From there you can maybe start a relationship. If not, at least you get a good friend out of it.

 

[mallows]

Try and befriend them ! Who knows what can come out of friendship

 

[new2blue]

Shoot your shot, always. There is a beauty in all of us, it just takes the right people to see it. Even if it does not work out, you tried. Its better to regret the things you did instead of didn't do. Who knows, it could be spectacular.

 

[Adûnâi]

You can just turn to be their simp. I gift "my" girl Twitch subs (anonymously). Just need to research streamers that have cat emojis. Like here.

Twitch - Emotes search

Search for Twitch emotes by name

twitch-tools.rootonline.de

 

[ctb★prince]

Shit, this thread almost hurt me as bad as I'd imagine it hurt you. I too am demi (feels weird to say that as I haven't really been able to really handle anything romantic or sexual) so I understand. I'm sure my argument can be disassembled easily since I've never been in a relationship, but I do believe love exists. I think you are just getting a very biased perspective on this.

What you said wasn't creepy, and if that person who you messaged believes it is then clearly you deserve better. It's easier said than done to drop a crush, but as a fellow demi person I know you have what it takes to realize a personality isn't as nice as it is at first glance. Also, if you rely on attraction to personality like I do, then you'll likely attract similar people. You deserve someone who sees the world the way you do, or at the very least try.

Also, relationships aren't actually that important. Even if you never find anyone that's fine, don't let some dipshits tell you what you must have or what some suicidal people on the internet tell you what you mustn't have.

no no thats absolutely lovely but that person didnt do anything wrong, i dont know them at all besides what they posted on social media, they didnt respond and i doubt they even saw my message in the first place, thats whats so weird about it, ive never truly fell in love and definitely not with a stranger, but they seemed so perfect something in me just clicked, and i feel like it shouldnt because im honestly just a weightdown, i dont ever want to make someone this amazing be tainted with all that i carry on my back, i want them to keep on living the way they do, without sharing the horrors of whatevers in my head, that is, if i were to be noticed in the first place, which is enough of a silly request in this scenario

 

[Beezub.]

Well, let's take into account that you had the boldness to even tell her she has a beautiful presence. I think that's a wonderful start.


It's the fact you decided to show them some kind of genuine love. In a world such as ours, there are people who are terrible, and then there's lovely people like you. Lots of people wouldn't even use those words. I'm a bit jealous myself that I see someone getting fawned over. Please do remember though that not everything is as it seems online and could easily be altered according to how that person wants it to be.


Your love is might definitely be real though, and as a person who's on the asexual spectrum (Cupioromantic), It's definitely struggling to find love in the first place. But don't forget that love is real everywhere. Love is an absolutely divine thing that cannot be simply reduced down to nothing by one person. It's upright stupid to say love is a lie or love is fake. I'm very glad though Prince. Your resolve on love hasn't been changed, and for the love of all that's holy don't let it change.

There's people who will blatantly bring you down whatever hole they came out of just because they don't believe in love. I'm talking about that one comment, Dead living man. You gotta remember that love starts within, so, love yourself first before loving anything else Prince. There's no way you can curse someone by telling them they have a beautiful presence. I think it's more of a blessing to tell someone that.

 

[ctb★prince]

Well, let's take into account that you had the boldness to even tell her she has a beautiful presence. I think that's a wonderful start.


It's the fact you decided to show them some kind of genuine love. In a world such as ours, there are people who are terrible, and then there's lovely people like you. Lots of people wouldn't even use those words. I'm a bit jealous myself that I see someone getting fawned over. Please do remember though that not everything is as it seems online and could easily be altered according to how that person wants it to be.


Your love is might definitely be real though, and as a person who's on the asexual spectrum (Cupioromantic), It's definitely struggling to find love in the first place. But don't forget that love is real everywhere. Love is an absolutely divine thing that cannot be simply reduced down to nothing by one person. It's upright stupid to say love is a lie or love is fake. I'm very glad though Prince. Your resolve on love hasn't been changed, and for the love of all that's holy don't let it change.

There's people who will blatantly bring you down whatever hole they came out of just because they don't believe in love. I'm talking about that one comment, Dead living man. You gotta remember that love starts within, so, love yourself first before loving anything else Prince. There's no way you can curse someone by telling them they have a beautiful presence. I think it's more of a blessing to tell someone that.

i think that another thing that had me stressing is that it was actually a guy, i dont think that he would mind, but oh well, my dummy head wont stop lookinh for reasons to worry, but aside from that, thank you, thats so sweet

 

[deathviahanging]

im on the asexual spectrum, demi to be exact, meaning id first have to get close to a person to begin liking them in the first place, ive never been in love nor had a serious crush because i either tend to begin seeing them as family or they abuse me in some way, so its very hard for me to believe in love at first sight, even though theres little that i yearn for more than such a scenario

yesterday i stumbled upon a random comment on social media, it was of a person advocating for something i really care about, both the profile picture and the username caught my eye, i clicked on the profile and was immediately greeted by the most angelic person ive ever seen, their looks simply divine, their humor so pure, their aesthetic as if taken straight from heaven, and their name meaning a star
i complemented them saying they have a beautiful presence, i didnt want to be creepy, i couldnt bring myself to follow them, so i just left my comment, turned the app off and giggled to myself and hiding my face in my hands, ive never felt like this towards any other actual person before
then it all shifted, i realized id never have any chances with them, im weird, im an uggo, im disguisting, im ill, im not interesting to any normal person, i have boundaries that make me boring to people my age, i have interests that noone wants to hear about, conflict follows me whereever i go, and so does bad luck generally, im a sad little freak, im nowhere near their grace

i quickly started feeling guilty and evil for even reading their comment in the first place, i feel like i cursed them by just looking

love is not always needed in life, but i think u should still try to befriend them. personally id rather regret doing smt than regret not doing it at all, the way you perceive urself is true to u but not always true to others, u mentioned being demi so maybe its not love but admiration.

 

[Deleted member 65988]

Yes it is, a trap. I learned to escape it. The allure of love promises, only to rip your heart out. Like hope, the greatest luxury of the helpless; confusing the possibility of a desire with its actual likelihood, supposing satisfaction which circumstances deny, and going from Mirage to Mirage in a desert of desperate illusions, exhausting oneself by living with hope for what one longs for the most but is denied, in a constant state of deprivation and reoccurring devastations.

Scientifically Love Is Dead.
Eva Illouz

The End of Love: A Sociology of Negative Relations

Life without love is a torturous a state of constant deprivation. You are living but not alive, for an illusion that (forbiddingly) if it ever does come alive, often ends in a death blow of heartbreaks. I lived for this hope too for a long time, until I realized the cold hard bitter truth that love Is a trap, catching a tiger by its tail. To say that one does not need love to be happy as also a lie, because there is nothing more powerful then this force and desire that is deeply embedded within each human that is to be unconditionally embraced in an authentic human connection, accepted just the way you are by someone else who cares so deeply about you and will always be there to come home to, unconditionally. A life without love is to live with this emptiness that erodes your soul, to be living but not alive, just treading a tragic minefield of roses, insatiably thirsting for something that sometimes consumes you but ultimately devastates.

What else can be said but this

 

[Aim]

Congrats! Cherish every moment

 

[ctb★prince]

well its been some time since posting this and knowing how notifs work on that specific social media site i think my comment has gotten lost either way, we will make it another time gang o(╥﹏╥)