Discussion I've failed all college classes and don't know where to go from here

[CatAstro.Fee]

Now honestly, it feels like I was going to leave eventually. I didn't see myself staying for the entire years I needed to get the degree, but I don't know about now. I have the option to just retake all the classes again but I really don't want to go through with doing everything again. I've already wasted my family's money. I already struggle so much with the attendance policy and motivation. It feels so silly that I've failed because of it but I really like to have my time when I need it, especially because I'm still depressed and anxiety ridden so it gets to me and I can't go to class. So much for pro-accessibility school.

I didn't have a plan for if I failed. I would very much still like the degree though, and going back home, it's a shithole, fuels my depression and I'm suffering now but I think at home it was much worse. Especially if I come home now after failing, my family will get on me, make me stay stuck helping them pay rent and I'll never be able to get out. This whole thing fuels me to want to cbt more than I already have, which I don't want to do. I'm just so demotivated already, at home I am too. Right now I just want to rest from everything and then try to figure things out, that's if I'm given the chance at all.

I really want to get the degree still so I'm going to look into other options that hopefully maybe doesn't require me to stay for fucking years, because in all honesty, I don't even know if the degree will be useful with companies wanting to use AI at that point, let alone how sustainable the world will be. Like I imagine getting the degree years later and it's much harder and scarier dystopia to live in, temperatures more extreme than now that I'm not even able to go outside. Will this site even exist at that point?

So uh, just trying to do everything now, avoid thinking about the future. I have like 2 other options besides the degree thing, and I think I will have to combine all three. Help me not feel like it's the end of the world, give suggestions, anything. I feel so embarrassed especially since faces from the past have seen me or people hating me might find out and be happy. Please. I can't be the only one. Thank you.

 

[-Link-]

When you already feel like a failure, and especially in this aftermath, this is a setup for a hypersensitivity to perceived criticism and judgements. Brace yourself for this, now, and try to ready yourself to keep people's unsolicited feedback in its proper place. Your family, friends, and past acquaintances don't know what it is to be you and what effort it took for you to even attend college at all. Whatever these people would say to you, they're saying it based on incomplete information. Don't buy into their baseless judgements.

As for readjusting to home life with your family, when it comes to family, I generally advocate for openness and being vulnerable with them. This is because they need information in order to even have a chance to know how to adequately support you. Meaning, sharing with them about your struggles and detailing how your anxiety and depression impacted your school life and how it continues to impact your daily life, even at home. In doing this, I would avoid using clinical terms like "anxiety" and "depression", and instead keep to descriptions of physical and emotional symptoms. Give them ideas as far as how they can accommodate you and meet your needs. They would probably want to hear some semblance of a plan, even if it involves a period of rest followed only by mental health treatment (sans employment), assuming you're willing to engage the healthcare system. Schedule this conversation ahead of time so they're free of distractions and ready for a heavy talk. If you don't think you can verbalize it, then you could write a letter for them to read instead.

If your family lacks even a basic understanding of mental health issues, then that would be a whole other matter.

But if you think they would at least hear you on this, then that's what I would suggest doing as you return home. If they already know about your mental health situation, then maybe they don't know the full extent of it (whether for lack of information or for being in denial) and need a prodding or a reminder about it.

So uh, just trying to do everything now, avoid thinking about the future.

Anything to do with "the future", or the state of the world, is a lot to take on right now. I would try to shift focus away from "5-10 years from now" (or whenever) and focus on just getting through today. And then tomorrow, focus on getting through the day again. When the bigger picture is so overwhelming, this is the only answer I've ever found: focusing on the here-and-now. Easy to say, challenging to do. Staying grounded in the present.

Any time you catch yourself thinking about the future, you could tell yourself something like, "Possibilities and opportunities will be available to me in the future, but I don't need to worry about that today," and then redirect your focus back onto "only today" and the present moment.

Yes, you want to plan for the future. But you also need to survive the here-and-now. So I would suggest trying to keep limits on how much brainpower and time you commit to thinking about the future. Once you hit those limits, tell your brain, "No more today."

I feel so embarrassed

Would you be so hard on yourself if you were suffering a physical illness that rendered you unable to reliably attend classes?

You're posting this on a suicide forum -- a pretty strong indicator of the severity of your mental health conditions. Most people in your position would have a difficult time passing their own college classes, if they could even attend college at all.

Be kind to yourself. It's OK to rest, now.

 

[chernobylmosqut]

What degree? If you have to retake classes would a study buddy help?