When I was younger I often had nightmares.
I used to remember my dreams as well so when I experienced them again I knew what to do.
Kinda like the butterfly affect.
But a particular dream happened last night that really spoke to me.
I used to have those dreams where you can't move.
Can't speak or scream.
Could hear and feel everything around you or on you.
But frozen
I called them my demons
Never understood why they would bother me or what they wanted.
And just like everything in my life the way it started is not how it ended.
It began with fear. I would shake as hard as I could to get it to stop...try to wake myself.
Then it went from fear to preparing. I knew they were there and I knew I would have to shake myself as hard as I could.
Then it went from preparing to fighting and annoyance. When I would sense them I was either ready to fight and faced it head on or often because I'm exhausted I would just say in my head leave me alone. Sometimes in my head I would talk shit
I would say if you fought fair I'd beat your ass Since it prevented me from actually speaking I would think it so they would know I'm not scared.
Once I wake up I often would speak outloud too saying you need to go.
Leave me alone.
This time they came...I could see everything go dark and I felt my body become paralyzed but instead of fighting I said I don't care.
I just laid there listening to it breathing.
I swear I could feel the demons confusion so it just left.
I woke up...checked the clock to make sure the time and went back to sleep.
I've never just gone right back to sleep.
Once I got up to start my pointless day I realized damn...my own demons don't frighten me or provoke me to fight.
I was was quick to give up.
It's pretty deep to me and I wonder what's to come Or if it means something.
It's a slow countdown to things getting worse. And I'm just numb and angry.
My own demons don't even want me.
I can't believe this is my life.
That I came this far for it to turn out like this.
I used to remember my dreams as well so when I experienced them again I knew what to do.
Kinda like the butterfly affect.
But a particular dream happened last night that really spoke to me.
I used to have those dreams where you can't move.
Can't speak or scream.
Could hear and feel everything around you or on you.
But frozen
I called them my demons
Never understood why they would bother me or what they wanted.
And just like everything in my life the way it started is not how it ended.
It began with fear. I would shake as hard as I could to get it to stop...try to wake myself.
Then it went from fear to preparing. I knew they were there and I knew I would have to shake myself as hard as I could.
Then it went from preparing to fighting and annoyance. When I would sense them I was either ready to fight and faced it head on or often because I'm exhausted I would just say in my head leave me alone. Sometimes in my head I would talk shit
I would say if you fought fair I'd beat your ass Since it prevented me from actually speaking I would think it so they would know I'm not scared. Once I wake up I often would speak outloud too saying you need to go.
Leave me alone.
This time they came...I could see everything go dark and I felt my body become paralyzed but instead of fighting I said I don't care.
I just laid there listening to it breathing.
I swear I could feel the demons confusion so it just left.
I woke up...checked the clock to make sure the time and went back to sleep.
I've never just gone right back to sleep.
Once I got up to start my pointless day I realized damn...my own demons don't frighten me or provoke me to fight.
I was was quick to give up.
It's pretty deep to me and I wonder what's to come Or if it means something.
It's a slow countdown to things getting worse. And I'm just numb and angry.
My own demons don't even want me.
I can't believe this is my life.
That I came this far for it to turn out like this.
