almaPerdida
"Oh God, I’m so depressed." - Marvin
- Nov 24, 2023
- 142
I went through a heartbreak recently, but from that i made a new friend. This heartbreak motivated my suicide too. Anyway, my letter is almost ready and my SN is on it's way.
In short, K played me like a fool, and his friend M got mad a at him for this and for other reasons. So M befriended me because of all that.
This new friend said something like "the good thing is, i'm in your life now and we will do a lot of things together". This made me feel a bit bad because i won't be here after March though. I am really thinking about pushing her away since we know each other very little, and i still don't wanna cause any traumas to her. She invited me to a party today, and i will go just because i'm feeling down and i need to distract myself. But after that, i won't let het grow anything towards me so she doesn't miss me.
But at the same time, it feels just wrong. I am talking to her and finishing some details in my suicide letter. It's just so wrong. We have so many in common two, both LGBT with similar tastes. It looks like it could be a good friendship, but not enough to hold me here to suffer. But she doesn't need to suffer when i'm gone. Maybe i am freaking out and overthinking, but seems wrong putting new people in my life as i plan to end it. We talked a lot recently and i can't help but feel guilty.
My letter has a lot of parts talking about no one feeling guilty and making them understand that my reasons are my own. I even removed the part talking about K because i don't wanna traumatize him, even though he's an asshole. I think him hearing about it will be enough so he doesn't manipulate anybody anymore.
Even in my death i try to be as altruistic as possible and that is the biggest reason i am going to CTB, i'm always a fool. I am far from perfect and also made my mistakes and selfish decisions, but i lost all my hope in the future and in the people.
In short, K played me like a fool, and his friend M got mad a at him for this and for other reasons. So M befriended me because of all that.
This new friend said something like "the good thing is, i'm in your life now and we will do a lot of things together". This made me feel a bit bad because i won't be here after March though. I am really thinking about pushing her away since we know each other very little, and i still don't wanna cause any traumas to her. She invited me to a party today, and i will go just because i'm feeling down and i need to distract myself. But after that, i won't let het grow anything towards me so she doesn't miss me.
But at the same time, it feels just wrong. I am talking to her and finishing some details in my suicide letter. It's just so wrong. We have so many in common two, both LGBT with similar tastes. It looks like it could be a good friendship, but not enough to hold me here to suffer. But she doesn't need to suffer when i'm gone. Maybe i am freaking out and overthinking, but seems wrong putting new people in my life as i plan to end it. We talked a lot recently and i can't help but feel guilty.
My letter has a lot of parts talking about no one feeling guilty and making them understand that my reasons are my own. I even removed the part talking about K because i don't wanna traumatize him, even though he's an asshole. I think him hearing about it will be enough so he doesn't manipulate anybody anymore.
Even in my death i try to be as altruistic as possible and that is the biggest reason i am going to CTB, i'm always a fool. I am far from perfect and also made my mistakes and selfish decisions, but i lost all my hope in the future and in the people.
