manic-dream
Member
- Mar 22, 2024
- 21
I love daydreaming and imagining what could be but I know I will never reach it. I hate that I am even thinking about getting on disability but that takes too long honestly. I wanted to work so badly and I wanted to get out of the house so badly. But now it all really doesn't matter. I get so anxious interacting with people and I don't even want to practice to get it to go away because I've practiced so much.
When I die I am going to leave my boyfriend and my room in my parents house behind. That's it. I love my boyfriend but I really don't have much in my life that's my own and when I would daydream in the past I thought I would at least have a job by now where I'd be on the road to moving out.
My reality is being sent to inpatient twice last month and embarrassing myself in a manic/psychosis episode. And still being agoraphobic.
I don't see myself progressing as much and it's hard when my therapist thinks the best solution is more therapy like and IOP that doesn't work and I know how they are. The best solution is suicide but no one wants to admit that. I have been in the same spot for 3-4 years now and it's hard not feeling like a failure of a human when I know I am.
Killing self requires so much effort with what I have to do too I don't know how long it will take because I am so depressed since starting medication it is really annoying.
When I die I am going to leave my boyfriend and my room in my parents house behind. That's it. I love my boyfriend but I really don't have much in my life that's my own and when I would daydream in the past I thought I would at least have a job by now where I'd be on the road to moving out.
My reality is being sent to inpatient twice last month and embarrassing myself in a manic/psychosis episode. And still being agoraphobic.
I don't see myself progressing as much and it's hard when my therapist thinks the best solution is more therapy like and IOP that doesn't work and I know how they are. The best solution is suicide but no one wants to admit that. I have been in the same spot for 3-4 years now and it's hard not feeling like a failure of a human when I know I am.
Killing self requires so much effort with what I have to do too I don't know how long it will take because I am so depressed since starting medication it is really annoying.
