its only a trigger if i let it

[Life_and_Death]

i cant believe im so stupid. i cant stand the color red. it was my exs favorite color. for example i have a red headband that i refuse to wear for no other reason then its red (it came in a set). but it just occurred to me, floras color is red. I picked out that color for her. i picked it out because my mothers horse had a red halter (and junes is purple like the halter for my horse). ive had these cats for a few years and only now did a line connect between the 2.


and now i have to find a way to break it before i hate my cat, fuck. at least the ideas there. thats a start and hopefully can help me with everything else so i can go back to enjoying things, like my birthday

 

[Shadowrider]

I don't think you are stupid. Your ex meant - and still means - much to you, doesn't she? The colour still reminds you of her. BTW do you know the ancient Beatles song "Yes It Is"? Very relevant here I think. If not, here it is for reference:


Do youseriously think you are going to hate your cat? Cats are individuals. They are willful. They are stubborn. They are here with us in their own right, not as reminders to someone. So I would rather you find comfort in being owned by a cat, I guess this would be a constructive thing to do.

Please do enjoy yourself and your birthday! Have some champagne. Bake yourself a cake if you can (and have the patience for it, hehe). Do something, anything you like doing.

 

[timf]

If you are triggered by the color red, it can help to apply a secondary process such as a critical assessment like seeing the red as either dark or light, reddish, or off-red. This injection of analysis can help you regain control and reduce the influence of reflex.

 

[Life_and_Death]

Your ex meant - and still means - much to you, doesn't she?

dont feel bad about your misunderstanding, and i guess on some level you would be accurate because while its not in a good way they are still influencing my life, so in a way they still mean something to my life. but without going deep into the question the answer is no, they abused me knowing i was suicidal.

The colour still reminds you of her.

also him (lol but thats ok too )

BTW do you know the ancient Beatles song "Yes It Is"? Very relevant here I think. If not, here it is for reference:

no, for the most part i dont like the beatles (i dont really like anything if its hyped up no matter how good it is though, if im honest). ill give it a listen though. there is one song that i think is by them i like, i was actually surprised when i found that out lol.

Do you think you are going to hate your cat? Cats are individuals. They are willful. They are stubborn. They are here with us in their own right. So I would rather you find comfort in being owned by a cat, I guess this would be a constructive thing to do.

and now i have to find a way to break it before i hate my cat

that came out a little more direct then the actual case. not so much hate my cat, but when i look at her id see her red collar therefor triggering the resentment i have for my ex. hence why i "cant" wear my red headband.

Please do enjoy yourself and your birthday! Have some champagne. Bake yourself a cake if you can (and have the patience for it, hehe). Do something, anything you like doing.

thank you. i hope to use this little over a week left to get things straightened so i can use my birthday as kind of like my "new birth" kind of thing

If you are triggered by the color red, it can help to apply a secondary process such as a critical assessment like seeing the red as either dark or light, reddish, or off-red. This injection of analysis can help you regain control and reduce the influence of reflex.

can you explain this a little bit more? i think i have a general idea but im not sure how a slightly different red could help. (at least thats what it seems like youre saying)

 

[Shadowrider]

dont feel bad about your misunderstanding, and i guess on some level you would be accurate because while its not in a good way they are still influencing my life, so in a way they still mean something to my life. but without going deep into the question the answer is no, they abused me knowing i was suicidal.

Yes, and this is what I meant. "To mean a lot" can occur in both directions, either positive or negative. (Or, paradoxical enough, both. Have experienced this before, how about you?)
Abusing a suicidal person is a gross thing to do. Did they think you didn't feel terrible enough? Or, did they think you are vulnerable enough to be an ideal material to abuse? The only thing I can say it's good that you ended that relationship.

also him (lol but thats ok too )

Erm sorry - you wrote "floras color is red" and I automatically thought 'twas "her". My bad.

no, for the most part i dont like the beatles (i dont really like anything if its hyped up no matter how good it is though, if im honest). ill give it a listen though. there is one song that i think is by them i like, i was actually surprised when i found that out lol.

I certainly understand your feelings about the hype thing! TBH, synthetical hype around anything or anyone can annoy me to death. It happened to many bands, artists and things in general. And, you automatically start to think "oh no, they begin to hype up something, that's so shallow and boring!" One loses interest in anything that's hyped, quite understandably.
But I have always had an interest in the music that's really harmonic and well-written. So universal and timeless.
And very eclectic, they wrote many different kinds of songs. Some of them - usually the ones the hype people have never heard - show an awesome sense of humour, in addition to the consonant harmonies. That's more important - for me at least - than dumb and amusical people being hysterical about any "legends".

that came out a little more direct then the actual case. not so much hate my cat, but when i look at her id see her red collar therefor triggering the resentment i have for my ex. hence why i "cant" wear my red headband.

I think I get it now! Does your cat absolutely have to wear her red collar? Or is this feeling persistant even when she isn't wearing it?

thank you. i hope to use this little over a week left to get things straightened so i can use my birthday as kind of like my "new birth" kind of thing

Very good idea! You might as well consider it as a rebirth-day :)

 

[Life_and_Death]

Erm sorry - you wrote "floras color is red" and I automatically thought 'twas "her". My bad.

lol flora and june are my cats.

I think I get it now! Does your cat absolutely have to wear her red collar? Or is this feeling persistant even when she isn't wearing it?

yes. the idea isnt to avoid the trigger and have it control me for the rest of my life but instead to overcome it

Did they think you didn't feel terrible enough? Or, did they think you are vulnerable enough to be an ideal material to abuse?

lack of thinking and self centerness