Venting It's not enough

[squillykilly]

I don't know what to do anymore, I've been trying to fix my mental health for so long and nothing is working. I chose to go to a free therapist so my mum doesn't stress or complain about how much it's costing to go to a proper one, but my therapist is useless. She cares too much about me, it's getting too personal and friendly, I need her to not defend me as much as she does and let me accept my mistakes. And I'm on medication to help with my depression and anxiety but it's not really helping.... I feel so freaked out and nervous all the time.
My girlfriend was just saying to me that for the past 3-4 years we've been together, I've always wanted to die. She says that she doesn't want to spend her whole life worrying about me. I'm doing my best, I usually don't talk about my suicidal thoughts for that exact reason. It worries her and I end up feeling guilty that I even said anything.

Everything is just such a blur lately, I'm not okay but I'm really trying to get help...

 

[StupidCat]

I wish I had a girlfriend

 

[Forever Sleep]

Can you talk to your free therapist and tell her that you want to accept responsibilty for some of your mistakes so- making excuses for all of them might not be the best approach at the moment? Obviously phrased as politely as possible.

I don't know whether therapists can be coaxed into providing other approaches but, it seems reasonable to say you feel that the current approach isn't helping enough.