it’s getting bad again.

[SnarkyPuppy2002]

I took a break from this site in an attempt to get better and seek help. I spent a week in a psych ward and have been on a medical leave from work for the past few weeks. Things got better for a bit but now I'm feeling hopeless again. I feel scared and alone - I'm realizing I have no real support system. I have friends and family who say that they love me but they can offer no real help or support aside from kind words and condolences. No one knows the true extent of the pain I feel and no one ever will until I'm already gone. I really feel like a burden. I don't want to talk to anyone because what if I make them uncomfortable and they leave me? What does it matter if I'm just going to ctb anyways? I'm a bit lost. Maybe there is a point to living and maybe I do have the potential for a future but what does any of that matter. I just want the pain to stop but nothing helps, nothing keeps me going, there's nothing to look forward to. I'm not strong or resilient or capable of anything good or worthwhile. I truly feel like a waste of oxygen right now. I'm thinking about going to the psych ward again tomorrow but what's the point if I'm going to have to deal with the same shitty doctors and medications. There's no hope for me.

 

[stupidmonkey]

i understand

 

[morbidtoby]

Just know that we're always here for support OP. Regardless of whether you choose to keep living or try and ctb i support you either way and im always willing to lend an ear for support. I May not know you but just know that some of the love in my heart is reserved for you. You aren't alone, please know that.

 

[FuneralCry]

It must be tiring having to suffer like that and I get that it's dreadful when existing just continues to get worse, existence is just too cruel. But anyway best wishes.