Despite being homeless and living in my car, I was doing relatively ok depression wise. But yesterday afternoon my mood began to drop slowly, yet significantly. There was no outside influence that caused my mood to drop so significantly, it just happened without any specific reason, as it always does. Why this happens is a mystery, but I think it is just a random mixup in my already faulty brain chemistry. I felt so drained, irritable, and tearful yesterday evening that I went to sleep at 17. 30 pm, and didn't wake until 03.20 pm. I still felt drained, despairing, and tearful when I woke up. This is how it has been for the vast majority of my life: long periods of soul-crushing depression, followed by short periods of being moderately ok, but NEVER happy. Only one thing could ever make me happy: and that is to die right now.
R. A.
But...the future refused to change.
- Aug 8, 2022
- 1,015
Human beings are amazing at adapting and normalizing any conditions. I'd say the fact that you currently are in a position where you have to be living in your car is way more than just cause for "randomly" feeling depressed. Give yourself more than a little slack. I can only imagine 
Honestly, I think it may not be due to brain chemistry, I think it could be due to living in your car- moods go up and down. If you havd a stable home, a good finandcial situation, and friends and family you can count on, then these mood changes might go away. These moods may keep coming back because of the situation of living in your car being so tough. I just personally think that brain chemistry is rarely the issue, it's the issues of finnicial stability, caring from other people, and any issues of physicla health, or addictions, that lead to most depression. If there is any way any relatives or friends could let you stay for a while while you look for work and try to get stable finaicially this could really help. But of course you likely have explored these options a lot- is there anyone who could let you stay for a while?
All my family are dead except my Sister, who doesn't understand my illness and is not willing to accommodate because Her husband, who I sometimes work for in his construction business is a very unpleasant person who doesn't like me ( He doesn't like most people if it comes to that ). I am also a loner, so friends are non-existent. I once had a long time girlfriend who was the love of my life ( until breast cancer took her away ). We had a house, good jobs etc, but I still suffered from the same bouts of depression. Thanks for your response though, and trying to help me.
Thank you.Human beings are amazing at adapting and normalizing any conditions. I'd say the fact that you currently are in a position where you have to be living in your car is way more than just cause for "randomly" feeling depressed. Give yourself more than a little slack. I can only imagine
It is so sad that you lost the love of your life. I swear though that nobody is a loner by nature, people need other people to be hapopy- some need more then others, but too much alone time will lead to depression. There is one big bright spot on your situation that you may not realize- thae fact that you had a really good situation, in love with a girl, both having good jobs, and liviing in a house, shows that you know how to do this. You could fall in love with another girl and find a way to do this again. Then if you can build up a few friendships that you can count on, and if she does as well, this could help. If she has a supportive family this could help both of you. That coulod be a possible path to happiness again. Just some thoughts on this.All my family are dead except my Sister, who doesn't understand my illness and is not willing to accommodate because Her husband, who I sometimes work for in his construction business is a very unpleasant person who doesn't like me ( He doesn't like most people if it comes to that ). I am also a loner, so friends are non-existent. I once had a long time girlfriend who was the love of my life ( until breast cancer took her away ). We had a house, good jobs etc, but I still suffered from the same bouts of depression. Thanks for your response though, and trying to help me.
Hi!
Your post made me cry and broke my heart.
I was homeless back in 1974, Ya a long time ago, when my "parents" kicked me out and it was hard. BUT I also met a few folks along the way who helped me out, will always remember them and I have always had massive depression.
I am 66, reference point, and I truly hope and pray that you are feeling better. I want you to know that I care about you, I wear my heart on my sleeve, always have always will and I am being 100% honest and true blue to you.
Sending you lots of hugs, love and always feel free to pm me.
You are a kind, caring and such a loving spirit, the world is so very much better off with you here and so am I.
Walter
Your post made me cry and broke my heart.
I was homeless back in 1974, Ya a long time ago, when my "parents" kicked me out and it was hard. BUT I also met a few folks along the way who helped me out, will always remember them and I have always had massive depression.
I am 66, reference point, and I truly hope and pray that you are feeling better. I want you to know that I care about you, I wear my heart on my sleeve, always have always will and I am being 100% honest and true blue to you.
Sending you lots of hugs, love and always feel free to pm me.
You are a kind, caring and such a loving spirit, the world is so very much better off with you here and so am I.
Walter
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Silent.Tears
Experienced
- Nov 5, 2021
- 282
I can relate to the part of never being happy and I also understand your desperation to ctb. Any chance you can rent a place? If I could I would really help you. I'm sorry
Just because you are homeless now doesn't mean you can't fall in love again. There is an interesting true story of a homeless guy who met a lady on the street and they became very happy together- she happened to be rich as well- I know this is not likely to happen for most people, but their story still is inspiring to me- I'll attach the link below. This happened in Amsterdam in 2006. Their story is very touching even though it is not the same path most people would take, it's always different of course. The video is about 4 minutes long and it's worth a watch I think.
Thank you.I can relate to the part of never being happy and I also understand your desperation to ctb. Any chance you can rent a place? If I could I would really help you. I'm sorry
The cost of renting now in the UK is just unaffordable for me at this point. Thank you for your kind words.I can relate to the part of never being happy and I also understand your desperation to ctb. Any chance you can rent a place? If I could I would really help you. I'm sorry
theboy
Illuminated
- Jul 15, 2022
- 3,287
FuneralCry
Just wanting some peace
- Sep 24, 2020
- 44,093
Only death would bring relief for me as well. At least to me, there is nothing more comforting than the thought of permanently ceasing to exist. It does sound really tiring what you have to endure. Existing can certainly be cruel and dreadful but I wish you the best.
Tired_only
Tired
- Sep 22, 2021
- 29
Homelessness is absolutely horrible experience ive been homeless a few times, i understand the stress and depression. I hope you are able to find somewhere soon.
The second time i was faced with homelessness I attempted to ctb. When i was at the psych hospital they told me to contact what i think was the homeless team at the council. Because i had just attempted ctb and just left the psych hospital they housed me in a hostel the next day. This was in 2020. But i know how difficult it is to find somewhere, the council can be shit at housing people.
Im sorry your going through this.
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