Venting It is so unbelievably over.

[Nervous young man]

My attempt failed.

I don't even know why I'm writing this I'm just so frustrated with the world and myself. If any of my friends cared about me they would've let me die when I tried to but instead I'm here beaming my mental shitspew directly into your retinas. I did everything right, I fasted, took the necessary medications, readied my glasses of Nitrite, then the people I relied on betrayed me and I got too scared. Now I have to wake up everyday knowing the pain I experience is my fault as much as the people who have hurt me. I am equally culpable and everyone who ever tried to """help""" me is as worthy of the blame.

I feel shame for not following through on ctb, I feel like a complete failure. I cannot believe the amount of resentment I hold in my heart. And where does a person even go from this point realistically speaking. I don't have a future, I won't ever be happy, I'm in constant pain. I am out of options and yet I still choose to suffer endlessly. It is so unnecessarily cruel. I feel contempt for the people who """love""" me. I am so mad at myself for making this choice, I'll probably just keep trying until I succeed but in a way less public matter. I thought the extra eyes would help encourage me to follow through but as you can see that isn't the case. I have a terrible migraine, any help on where to go from here would be appreciated.

In other news I have found marijuana to be helpful in helping with some of my symptoms but its hardly a sustainable solution, I might look into getting a prescription.

 

[Darkover]

i am sorry you had a failed attempt and are stuck in a terrible situation
i use marijuana almost daily to manage my condition would love to get a prescription for it since i spend like 600£ per month on it

 

[Nervous young man]

i am sorry you had a failed attempt and are stuck in a terrible situation
i use marijuana almost daily to manage my condition would love to get a prescription for it since i spend like 600£ per month on it

In little amounts it actually does help me manage my schizophrenia without making me dull/uncreative like antipsychotics, I actually feel more creative and compelled to express myself when I smoke which is insane. I didn't think something like that was possible. Weed is awesome.