Zer0

Zer0

Nem sempre se pode ser Deus
Sep 14, 2018
127
Recently I broke up a 3 year old relationship with a woman, we had an open relationship and everything was perfect for 2 year, we had dates with other people (both individually and as a couple), usually it was fine.

Last year she started seeing someone an it was ok at first, we talked about it as usual and everything was fine, but the guy started showing signs he was competing with me for her, that was uncomfortable but since our only connection was the girl, we didn't interacted with each other and I could just not care about him. Problems started when she was caring less about me day by day, when I visited her she just scrolled instagram in 100% of her free time. At first I tried to improve, in my mind she was just tired of her college classes and didn't have energy left by the end of the day.

In April of this year I started treatment for anxiety, the meds fucked me up and I isolated myself a lot. She accused me of not caring about her anymore and we daily fights that always ended in "there is nothing to do". I stopped my treatment (not because of her) and things kinda got better, but we got back to the point where we just were together but didn't enjoy each other, both of us promising to try to rebuild the relationship.

I finally had the balls to break up with her last month, she took it really bad but accepted it in the and, since I didn't asked her if we should break up, I informed her that it was what I wanted.

That was the context.

It was sad to break up but it actually made me feel better, things were pretty bad in the last month of our relationship and giving it a proper closure was the only thing I did right in my life. Of course I still miss her, she was one of the most important person in my life, but I'm dealing with it pretty good, I'm even proud of myself.

I haven't talked much to her, she sent me some stuff on instagram and I responded, it didn't made me feel bad. Today something different happened, she posted a picture of herself on instagram and it made me miss her but it was ok, I'm dealing with that, but in the comments was the guy she is dating giving her compliments and stuff like that. I went furious out of nowhere, I didn't feel that bad in months, but the weird part is that it was because of him, not her. I've seen pictures of her with other guys after we broke up, I felt kinda bad but moved on, but I can't stand him, I just want to tore him to pieces.

What annoys me the most is how stupid that is, I could understand if I felt bad about her being with other people, but I only feel bad about her being with him.

To make it clear: I don't want to get back with her, the way she treated me during my treatment and during our last month together made me resent her, I don't feel about her like I did in the beginning, I still "talk" to her because I'm trying to deal with the breakup the way I thing is right, she is not my enemy, she is a good person that made mistakes, we are both adults and should be able to deal with it like adults.
 
Rat on the Bus

Rat on the Bus

Member
Sep 16, 2023
7
Glad to hear that you are dealing with it and seem to be moving on with your life. That is very much armchair psychology what i am applying here but it kind of sounds like you get so mad at that guy because you partially blame him for the relationship going downhill.
 
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Zer0

Zer0

Nem sempre se pode ser Deus
Sep 14, 2018
127
Glad to hear that you are dealing with it and seem to be moving on with your life. That is very much armchair psychology what i am applying here but it kind of sounds like you get so mad at that guy because you partially blame him for the relationship going downhill.
I think I get what you are saying. I know it is not his fault, there is only two culprits, me and the girl, but I guess I feel like he started it when he begun to act like I'm his enemy.
 
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Rat on the Bus

Rat on the Bus

Member
Sep 16, 2023
7
I think I get what you are saying. I know it is not his fault, there is only two culprits, me and the girl, but I guess I feel like he started it when he begun to act like I'm his enemy.
Maybe in his eyes you were because he wanted her for himself but i don´t know the situation or the guy so i am just guessing here. Humans are strange and complex beings.
 
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Zer0

Zer0

Nem sempre se pode ser Deus
Sep 14, 2018
127
Maybe in his eyes you were because he wanted her for himself but i don´t know the situation or the guy so i am just guessing here. Humans are strange and complex beings.
You actually guessed it 100%. He actually got into fights and broke up with her multiples times because he couldn't handle the open relationship. I don't know much but at some point he suddenly embraced it and started dating 3 or 4 persons at the same time. I know it is just my tainted point of view, but he is really childish and actually tried to annoy me sometimes, and played a lot of games with the girl (like getting revenge on her because she had a date with me and he wanted to be with her instead).
 
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Rat on the Bus

Rat on the Bus

Member
Sep 16, 2023
7
You actually guessed it 100%. He actually got into fights and broke up with her multiples times because he couldn't handle the open relationship. I don't know much but at some point he suddenly embraced it and started dating 3 or 4 persons at the same time. I know it is just my tainted point of view, but he is really childish and actually tried to annoy me sometimes, and played a lot of games with the girl (like getting revenge on her because she had a date with me and he wanted to be with her instead).
Yeah he sounds very childish and toxic. I hope that soon you can completely forget this guy and that the girl sees him for the manipulative person you describe here. Sure there is always two sides or in this case three to a story but that doesn´t mean your point of view isn´t valid.

Stay safe and move on, that is the best thing you can do for yourself imo. :)
 
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Zer0

Zer0

Nem sempre se pode ser Deus
Sep 14, 2018
127
Yeah he sounds very childish and toxic. I hope that soon you can completely forget this guy and that the girl sees him for the manipulative person you describe here. Sure there is always two sides or in this case three to a story but that doesn´t mean your point of view isn´t valid.

Stay safe and move on, that is the best thing you can do for yourself imo. :)
Thanks for you messages, it is helping me a lot dealing with all this. S2

I know I don't hold the universal truth so I'm keeping it to myself, the girl has her own life to deal with and I won't be in it anymore, so I'm trying to be as far away from that reality as I can. I just want to get rid of all this hate I feel when I see anything about him.
 
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Rat on the Bus

Rat on the Bus

Member
Sep 16, 2023
7
Thanks for you messages, it is helping me a lot dealing with all this. S2

I know I don't hold the universal truth so I'm keeping it to myself, the girl has her own life to deal with and I won't be in it anymore, so I'm trying to be as far away from that reality as I can. I just want to get rid of all this hate I feel when I see anything about him.
I´m glad I could help.

That´s probably a good idea, you can´t help anyone if you don´t look after yourself first!
 
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